Amy Adams and Marielle Heller on Having Imposter Syndrome as Mothers | The Drew Barrymore Show

Oh wait, I oh no perfect. Yeah Distracted by no matter. In fact, I feel honored to be between you Because this film is it's changed my life. It's the most I've ever Felt seen as a mother I'd like to start off by saying I have a 10 and a 12 year old now your daughter is 14 Yeah, and you have your son is 7 no, he's 10 now Oh my god next week 10, and I have a four-year-old was he seven when you were making the film. Okay, that's the number Yes, now we have night bitch. Oh Did you I know it's based off a book I know I read the New Yorker article and I loved learning all the things that were nuanced and changed and I I Really appreciated the instincts that you had to to change Something like the mom friends that I was in so many mommy and me classes and Jim Murray and baby And I you know, I think we shame each other a little bit by like, what are you doing? Are you in this class? Are you in this? Are you keeping up? Are you getting your veggies from the farmers market? I'm feeding them out of a jar. Am I a bad parent? Yeah, you know, there's so much pressure as if we weren't putting enough pressure on ourselves. I felt that way too It's like almost I felt like I had imposter syndrome as a mom like I would look at all the other moms and be like Why do they all know how to do it? Why do they all have the diaper and the wipes ready and I'm always the one who forgot the diaper and I'm so in And we don't admit it to each other we don't admit how hard it is or how much we feel like we're failing every day Yeah, because it just feels like you're supposed to know how to do it and it's supposed to just come naturally to us I mean, I definitely I Failed miserably many times over And that's what was so great about doing this film It's like getting to sort of pay honor to that person, you know who who struggled and didn't always get it right, but who loved their child desperately and and Getting to talk about it and say it out loud the complexities of parenthood and motherhood. It was just it was really cathartic You know, I feel like what's so beautiful about this movie and Amy's performance Which is just so real and relatable is it's not just women who can relate to this character It's men who come and see her experience and get to be like living in her shoes Experiencing what this mother experience is and hopefully it gives more empathy for people who maybe haven't been in that position people who are considering having a baby or people who have been a partner to somebody who had a baby through their body and Men are coming up to us and being like, oh my god. I felt like I was her I had this experience of empathizing with this woman in this Movie and it's like I've been empathizing with male characters since I was a little kid. We all have we read books We read see movies. Yeah, and so it's lovely that people are empathizing with your character and hopefully it's creating more conversation and bringing us Together in that way because we can feel empathy Plants a chip somewhere where we could see how many marriages this film saves Mmm, I hope that it does that that's like would be a great gift if we in some way Can move anybody's needle in their life to feel seen or understood or start conversations? What a gift I feel like this checks every box. I mean, first of all, I love your husband I was reading the New Yorker article and he was saying how proud he is of you But maybe there were times where he wasn't seeing what you were going through and I feel like this film really does create a bridge between the partners of How much do we all want to be seen and recognized when I read the New Yorker piece because I hadn't even heard his quotes that he had said in this piece about me and he Got very vulnerable and he said a lot of things that I was kind of Shocked that he admitted in that piece But I didn't realize I hadn't read the part where he said I actually wasn't I didn't believe in her for a time and I feel ashamed of it and You know, we've been together 25 years now, so it's like you met in college Yeah, but I do think we were in this moment where I was deciding I Was trying to get my first film made and we were also planning on having kids and I had to say to him We have to wait. I'm not ready to have kids yet until I get my first movie made right? Whereas a man can do both correct and in our industry, it's just this feeling as there's so few women directors I just felt like I didn't want anyone to think I wasn't 100% in on being a director Exactly, but I do think it was that experience of making the first film where he finally was like, oh and that scene Where he sees you in that way as an artist really came from our own life of him kind of saying Oh, I see how important this was. Did you change because I know that I Changed so much having kids. Oh, yeah. I mean, I think my My awareness of how much I changed just took time because I was trying so hard to please others and trying so hard to Just do everything that I could and be everything to everybody all the time And I think it just exhausted myself and at some point I had no more energy for anything But honesty and I think at some point I was able to speak the truth and to really ask for what I needed communicate that like maybe I don't have it all under control and maybe I need a little bit more support than I thought I did because Like I said, I changed it took me a while to get to know who I was after having my daughter and like Reorganizing priorities and learning new types of communication. It was all of that and also at the same time Really being present and enjoying each moment with this beautiful being in front of me, but it's now just memory in my life I would give anything to go back and rock her I'm like, why didn't I let my daughter finger paint all over the room? Like what would have been the big deal? I mean it would have created a lot of work for me But aside for that, I I mean like I like why didn't I eat like a dog with her, you know Pretty laid-back person, but even watching this I was like, why didn't I get in touch more with my feral self? Why was I so concerned that like she was wearing matching socks like who cares? Like, you know, it's just a lot of time spent on things that weren't as important as The connection, you know, and I think that's the most important thing. So I have healed so much. Yeah Joe is there a Jill here? May I ask what you're feeling in this moment?