Nick Jonas - Forced Friendships and Real Relational Dynamics Pt. 2

And I think it's just like you get older and your pride lessens or something or it gets bigger if you're a narcissist But it should I think just get by as a rule. Yeah, as you get older You should mature into like being like, yeah, maybe I did handle that really badly and not taking it. Sorry Yeah, not taking it as a character judgment on yourself. Just be humble enough in the situation Like yeah, it doesn't matter what the intention was or what I said I meant to say like just be like, I'm so sorry. That's I'm I feel terrible I got I want to see you thrive and therefore I'm going to figure out how to never do that again Yeah, okay But that speaks to like a very different thing than most people regardless of what they do in life and where they sit Don't have like a real understanding of I don't think I would wonder not even understanding But a a lack of fear and being exactly where you are Trying to because I love what you said about like, yeah, I know my tone But also I know my intent and so it's like you can communicate and be like, okay I missed it there But because the weight of you missing it doesn't make you bad or make you wrong It just makes the moment different than maybe it could have been you can address the moment and you can address your actions in it But know that your intent was clear so that everything else that came with it Almost it gives you a shorter work to health. Yeah, if the intent is there like you're saying I'm gonna give a really strange Analogy that I've been working on for a while. Oh, I love this. Okay. Okay thing great sort of like when your friend or your partner brother or sister It's planning your birthday party. Mm-hmm, and then you know You're like, hey, what if we would have changed it to this thing? You make it again and then they're mad at you for jumping in. Yeah, and and I have at times like If your intention is to love me To show me love by planning my birthday party if I'm throwing adjustments at you in real time That's all part of the love that's shouldn't that shouldn't be included wrapped up. It's the love package Yeah, and it's the same thing It's like your intention is to show me love But when I tell you you could you could do it like this and I would actually feel it Mm-hmm, and you get mad or you don't receive that because you had your plan on how to love me. It's like Don't throw the birthday party. Yeah, cuz you're revealing what it's really about. Yeah, and I think that that is so often the case It's like if you're a person whoever it is that this is might be you know worth Listening to it is Like it's like hey Can I just help you love me better because yes, I'm me. Yes. I know this what's happening You're better people permission than you can. Yes, and your reaction is that you feel like You knew or why are you telling me? It's anything but yes, and mmm, then you got a reset. It's so Interesting how that has overlapped and so many of my relationships. Mm-hmm with my my family members and You know band members. Yeah sure Kevin and Joe like I think we've got to a point after the breakup where It was no longer about You know work and all that other stuff so we were actually able to say, you know what when you speak to me like this Mm-hmm, or here's an insecurity. I have that this thing you touch is on perpetuates Yeah, if you really love me, can you just meet me where I'm at? Yeah, and it's not selfish. No, it's not old people That the expectation is is truly to love me then here's how I can help you do that Well, if you were to say hey, we're in friendship and every time you say my name this way It makes me feel this way and I'm like, well, that's just how I say your name Come on, that's just how I say your name. Well, we're friends. That's just how I say your name It's like right but so there are two people a part of a friendship what you're giving is not necessarily how it's being received So then if I'm gonna be open and vulnerable enough because what you do and saying hey You can meet me in this way is you're being vulnerable Enough to like serve up a win. You're like, hey I'm telling you you could knock it out of the ballpark with me right here And then if someone else is like I see the wind there But I see my idea here and that's kind of more valuable to me Then you're like well then don't do anything because you're revealing that it's not about the thing you've said it is totally and I think that there's such a Vulnerability and being able to offer that up and for someone to even come back to that and go like well I had been thinking this but now that you're saying this I'm hearing that of course, of course, whatever you want Then you're able to come back. Oh, well, you were planning this thing Let's meet in the middle and it doesn't have any of the vitriol or the weight behind it But it is interesting that goes into love languages and and into how we all receive and give different love You know if I'm like a words of affirmation person and a quality time and I never see you or hear from you But you give the best gifts or you know, you're really great at doing things for me. It's like well, that's wonderful That's wonderful. I don't ever want to negate you giving any bit of yourself to me However, it misses me a little bit because these are the areas in which I really feel loved It's like why wouldn't you want to do that if I knew where I could meet you? Why wouldn't I want to but I think that that goes back to a security thing of just also being Solid and set enough and who you are to go like well, this is actually what I want This is actually what I need and I actually want to meet you where you want and in the ways that you need Because you're not asking for something. You're not already modeling to absolutely, I Love that. Okay, let's hop into this kind of thing So I think that we talk a lot about chosen family and we both love our families of birth have also both been really intentional to kind of create a Family unit that is larger than that and kind of more expansive and I say that being like I feel like we share one and then also have our own kind of things But when you look at through lines of the qualities, you're like this gets to go with me And I'm not talking about a type of person but qualities that you look at and you're like, okay 10 years from now 15 years from now I want to see these qualities as I look around the room and that doesn't it's not specific to personality It's like I love that I heard four different people ask each other about a thing they already knew was going on in their life like they followed up on a thing or Whatever in that in that vein. My litmus test is usually if I was my car broke down side of the road 3 in the morning Mm-hmm. Oh sure And you know, it's pretty basic But it's just in times of need how do the people that you're choosing to life with react? Yeah, and you know, I know what my answer is to that is that I will show up for anybody at any point time Yeah drop everything. I'm there. Mm-hmm that I have decided to do life with Yeah, and that goes for for their families and so so I think it's just I expect the same as kind of like what I'm Giving out giving and and promising to do in those situations. The other thing is I I love people that are You know that are okay to be This is a strange way to put it but like okay to be embarrassed You know and like genuinely like can laugh at themselves Yeah, when I say embarrassed, I don't mean like actually embarrassed like let laugh at themselves. Yes. Oh, I just said that Yeah, like oh my god I'm like, I think that's a great quality in people in general It's like you got to be able to laugh at yourself laugh at a situation If you take yourself too seriously, or if you don't understand that it's a joke She's like, you know Who who is so serious a person that they can't acknowledge? I just tripped. I just tripped or whatever Yeah, and it's potentially something that I like admire in others that I've worked hard to try to adopt Mm-hmm, but it took me a long time to be able to laugh at myself in situations So like I would envy it in others and you know, Joe Is one of my closest friends the world my brother loved the death and and admire that about him It's rare and Honestly surprising when there's a situation where he's genuinely embarrassed by something I was about to say cuz he you don't ever feel like Joe is being held by a moment like if he's tripped or if He's forgotten a lyric or whatever. It's like it does not affect it's so encouraging to be around people like that It's true, and I'm not talking about self-deprecating stuff. I'm just like mm-hmm, you know if you walk into a door Can we talk about it, it's funny And it's not like haha. You're an idiot. It's like hot. We love you. That's yeah, and your reaction to it happened I don't I think that's a really like lovely quality in people and obviously my wife embodies that in spades, you know It doesn't take herself seriously at all and we're seeing it now manifested in our daughter in a way that is like just brilliant her sense of humor and Her like ability to sort of like laugh at situations and even her mischievous like attitude she's always laughing always laughing It's great and I think that she will be and it's something that I admired in my grandfather like yeah the theme and all the people that I really love and admire