What He REALLY Needs To Know Before He Commits to You (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

In this video, I'm going to show you how your dream guy is watching you in moments where you don't even realize it, and those moments are determining whether or not he commits. We mistakenly believe that if we're the right person for our partner, they will choose us, they will commit to us. What we forget is that the way we act with everybody else in their lives is equally important. And in this video, I'm going to show you for three different stages of dating how the way you act around other people is going to affect his decision to commit or not. The first stage of dating I want to talk about is the early dating phases, when you're going on the first few dates with someone. What's the defining factor here? Showing that you are capable with Ladies, you know how unattractive it is when a guy is rude to waiters, when he's not nice to service staff or people in the street that ask him for help that he doesn't have to be nice to. You know how unattractive that is? Well, it works in reverse. When you're polite to people you don't need to be polite to, he pays attention and sees you for a warm and kind person. You also get massive points if when a guy takes you to a party or somewhere where he knows people, he doesn't feel like he has to babysit you. It's one of the most attractive qualities, isn't it? When we're with someone and they can handle themselves, they can go and talk to people without needing us to be next to them the entire time. The second stage I want to talk about is the phase of dating where he begins to introduce you to certain important people in his life. So we're getting along a little bit here, he's introducing you to friends, maybe even family, colleagues, his boss, people that he wants to impress, people that he cares about the opinions of. Now with these people, the key at this stage of the relationship is not to over invest in them. You don't want to go into people pleaser mode where you're trying to do everything to please them. It's more about making sure that he feels comfortable giving them his time. To give you a practical scenario, let's say you're at his friend's birthday. In this moment there are a couple of crucial mistakes people often make. One is when he's having great conversations with people that he's bonding with and catching up with. Instead of recognizing that important bonding time is happening, the person pulls him out of the conversation or interrupts mid-sentence so that they can be attended to again, so that he can be with them. Or halfway through the night they say I'm tired, I want to go home. Instead of either staying to support the person because they know it's an important moment or an important time with important people for them, or saying listen I'm really tired, I'm going to go home but I don't want you to come with me because I want you to have a great time. I'll be fine, I can call a cab or maybe he calls you a cab but I don't need you to come with me. I really want you to have a good time. Not making that person feel guilty for the time they're spending with important people. The heart of this stage of commitment is showing that you're supportive of his relationships. You encourage him to go and spend time with those people. Maybe you even give him ideas of things he could do with those people. And I'm not saying with you involved. When he wants to have a night with his friends, you encourage him. When he wants to go and see his family, you encourage that. When you show him you're selfless about wanting the best for his relationships with the important people in his life, he sees you as someone that will make him a better person and a loyal teammate. And the third phase of commitment here is what you do when you're actually in the relationship and you now have your own bonds with the people in his life. When he sees that you show an interest in the people that he cares about. It could be mentioning that you've heard about their hobbies, I heard you love skiing, tell me more about that, when was the last time you went? It could be passing on a compliment, like I heard you're an incredible writer, what stuff do you enjoy writing about the most? It's also nice sometimes if you take an opportunity to invite the family or the friends of your significant other to do something even when you know he's not around. So if he's on holiday or if he's not around for the day and you went shopping with his mum or you just had a fun phone conversation with his sister. Now you have to be a little careful with this obviously because if you do it too soon it looks like you're intruding on his personal space and if you're doing it with the wrong people, people that he doesn't value that much in his family, he might find it a slight betrayal that you're going behind his back and having relationships with people. But when he does have friends and family that he loves to pieces and you show that you have your own little relationship with them, a guy can get a huge kick out of that. Why does all of this work by the way? Firstly, most of us care about the opinions of the people we know and love. The people that existed before this new partner came into our lives. So much as we may not like that their opinions are influenced by other people, that's the truth. Being great with the other people in their lives and at least putting in effort, even if it doesn't pan out because we can't get on with everybody, but at least trying is something that our partner sees. But secondly, let's step back for a moment. When you commit to somebody in life, you're not just committing to that person, you're committing to their relationship with the rest of the world. Because you know that you're going to be close enough to them that the way they treat everybody else is also going to have an impact on you. So when we see somebody behaving with other people the way we always imagined our dream partner would, the decision to commit becomes that much clearer. When you want a guy to commit, don't just focus on the way you are with him, focus on the way you are with everybody else. Because trust me, he's watching.