life update / ectopic pregnancy story

hey everyone Shiro's downstairs I debated whether I wanted to make this video or not because it's really vulnerable and I'm not really the type of person who likes sharing a lot with my followers or just people in general I usually only tell my best friends and my family and keep them in the loop but I thought by sharing my story and what's been going on with me I thought that anyone who's ever in this position sometimes hearing that other people are going through stuff like this makes you feel like you're not alone I had an emergency surgery on Monday did not expect that at all it was draining physically but I'm gonna say more emotionally I could have been a lot worse physically um but yeah you still have I still have the bandages on there's uh five I'm also bloated um from the surgery so I don't know when I can take these off these are just I couldn't even scrub here because it hurts because those are just the sticky [ __ ] from when they put the uh the things on you in the hospital so it's safe to say it hurts to wear like tight clothes I'll just give a bit of a trigger warning before I get into my story and everything just if anyone has trauma surrounding loss pregnancies or certain health issues but I also think that this is something that a lot of women actually do go through unfortunately more than you think I think the positives of me sharing what I'm about to share oh wait the negatives um I actually plan to do a life update video probably like just over a week ago and I didn't really know what to say because again I don't really like sharing much I think that this has been a pretty dreary couple months not just for me but for a lot of people I was gonna just film like a life update keeping it real with you guys what's going on which was nothing exciting really but I didn't end up uploading that Life Update or doing anything with that because I just wasn't feeling it and in my heart I felt like something was off with me that week I was just not myself I started feeling like not myself maybe like two weeks ago I usually have pretty regular like Cycles like with my period and stuff and things were just not right I was like having it prolonged so I was like what is this never ending um period I don't want to uh get into the nitty-gritty but I believe that something was wrong I just didn't feel like myself I thought maybe it was just irregular hormones or something still went to the doctor because I didn't feel like myself I just was concerned so I ended up going last week to my family doctor I did like Paul Vick exam we did tests I did blood tests but I had no idea that I didn't even think that like pregnancy was a possibility booked an ultrasound because I was worried about what was going on Michael and I also like we wanted to start trying for a baby this year so I just wanted to see make sure everything's okay and then I'm healthy coincidentally this ultrasound I was supposed to get it was supposed to check my tubes and like everything down there that doctor rarely comes in so they had an opening at this new clinic at this clinic near me that I never been to for a couple days after for the Friday morning and I didn't want to take it because it was rushed but I took it go in to get this ultrasound I fill out these forms and then one of the doctors working there he says before we even do this I'm looking at your forms and I think we need to do a pregnancy test I don't believe nobody did this before so I take a pregnancy test right there on the spa and that's enough to tell him that I am positive for pregnancy I was just shocked this is not the way you want to find out like I would have loved to be pregnant and planned and found out like doing a test at home not have a doctor tell you that this is like what's wrong with you so I was just in shock so they proceeded to do another test instead of that one that I was gonna do just like two other ultrasounds in there to see what's going on but yeah consensus that day based on the tests that they were taking they still needed me to go get a blood test to see my pregnancy levels on the blood test and what it seemed to be when I talked to my doctor was that was likely an early miscarriage which was traumatizing in itself but I know that um these things happen and uh while it's a loss I didn't even know that I was possibly pregnant so I was ready to um I was just trying to be strong and accept that that might be the the worst case scenario they also asked me if they thought like about pain if I've been having pain and the weird thing was I wasn't because they thought it could be an ectopic pregnancy where the egg gets caught in like another part of your body like usually the Fallopian tubes and it can be fatal but my doctor they didn't think that it was because I wasn't having pain and usually you get really severe pains either way I took the blood test I was waiting and then Monday I was going to go back take another blood test go to another appointment they actually called me the doctor on Sunday night and said I need you to come in right away Monday because it was the main doctor and he said he looked at the results from Friday and said that he's highly suspicious of an ectopic pregnancy which scared me go in Monday get ready for my test and the female Doctor Who did the next ultrasound she was extremely concerned she was very thorough and she told me that I need to go to the hospital and this she thinks that it is an ectopic pregnancy I'd already gone through the motions of accepting that like oh this is probably depressing this is like an early miscarriage like how did this happen but that was definitely the last thing I wanted to hear because I know of the dangers of an ectopic pregnancy not only for my well-being like they could be life-threatening but because they could affect your possibility to have kids in the future so all this news coming at me was just terrifying you kind of go into a like a comatose state like you're just a zombie I go to the emergency room Michael comes with me um I got into some like comfy clothes because whenever you're at the hospital you know you're gonna be there like a long time once I told them what was going on with me they moved me along quite quickly like to check me out I did blood tests and then um they sent me to a room to do yet another ultrasound because the results from that morning's test at the clinic were not enough so at this point I'm in pain and this one was the one that broke the news everything like to me so I thought that I would have caught it early enough and my doctors thought that okay yeah maybe it's early enough you'll just have to take this medicine that will like terminate clear the pregnancy out but if it's really bad I knew that surgery was a possibility and who knows how bad it can get from there this doctor he found the issue and actually like confirmed it and I called another doctor and when he told me I'm like so what's going on he's like you're gonna have to take another ultrasound but we're gonna be probably putting you into surgery today because it's gotten too far it's so bad I don't know how you didn't have pain another doctor came up to inform me of the results and I literally just started crying because it was my worst nightmare it was the outcome I didn't want it was devastating they told me that the topic had caused a rupture in my tube and that my tube is gonna have to be removed so um yeah not only can this be fatal if you don't catch it but sometimes they have to remove your ovaries and all this like it could have been much worse but just trying to take in all that information in the span of one day it was crazy it carried me to a bed they gave me the IVs they're just going through the motions you're almost like I cried for five minutes there's honestly nothing you can do I still am devastated that all of it happened but on the bright side I'm grateful that um the Health Care system takes care of you like that that they got me prepared and got me into surgery that evening and essentially could have been like saving my life because I didn't even know what was going on with me I feel so sorry for women who don't have access to that type of care or this is like not an option for them they told me what's gonna happen with the surgery all the doctors um explained it to me and said after for my checkup I'll be able to see how it's healing and how my other side is I believe I'm gonna have to do a test to see yeah they just explained the surgery that if they don't if there's no complication they can just remove the tube and not have to remove my ovary but if there's complications or it's spread too far they're gonna have to remove that as well which I was praying wasn't the case and I guess my praying worked because there was no complications I went into the surgery um they had to remove the tube but everything else went smooth I actually got discharged that night so I didn't even have to stay overnight obviously be in bed kind of move minimal I'm still healing but yeah I think the biggest thing is um the emotional toll it takes on you so I'm still very much sad about it and kind of like shocked like it kind of feels like that would not happen to me you don't believe that it actually happened to you especially when it happens that quickly it can seriously happen to anyone if anyone ever goes through that which I hope no one does I will always be more than happy to talk about my experience or be a friend in that situation because it can feel terribly devastating and terribly lonely especially um I also felt it because this was this is the year that I'm wanting to actually prepare to be a mom I think my story was long and it was definitely hard for me to share but people have been asking why um I got surgery and I'd only told my close friends and family but I think that if my story can feel like support to even one person who finds themselves in this situation or this has happened to then I'm happy I'm on the mend now but it definitely takes a toll on you emotionally and thinking about the what-ifs so I just have to work on being grateful counting my blessings and just be happy that I went to the doctor and they caught it when they did