Diane Lane - Wow, Wow, Wow! - 2/2 Appearances In Chronological Order

Welcome back, welcome back to the big Friday night show everybody. Got my Friday night tie on. Welcome back college dorms across America. Yeah, you man. What? Yeah, you. Dude, this is really happening. Yeah, it is. My first guest tonight is a very beautiful and talented actress. She's a huge movie star. She's starring in the new film, Untraceable, which is in theatres now. Take a look at this. Holy crackers. You can't stop it there. What happened? Please welcome Diane Lane, everybody. It's very nice to see you. May I say how lovely you look? Well, thank you. I love your new haircut. Thank you. I just got it Thursday night. It looks lovely. Hey, can I just say how fantastic your shoes are? I don't normally talk about people's shoes, but these are sensational. My goodness, they're so simple. I appreciate your appreciation of them. Really? They're simple? No, they catch the eye. Thank you. Are you a big shoes fan? I'm guilty of having more shoes than I wear. Really? You know, I've never met a woman in my life who doesn't love shoes. It's true. It's a strange... What is that? Why? It must be a hormonal thing, I suppose. Do you know what I thought it was? This sounds a little kind of negative, but it's not meant to be. But I think women love shoes... This is what I've noticed. I think women love shoes is because the size never changes. Do you know what I mean? Like, if you put on a couple of pounds, you're like, the shoes are still your friend. Yes, I beg to differ. I mean, honestly, it's funny. When you have a child, your feet grow. Well, there is that. And my 14-year-old is now very upset that I didn't save all the shoes that I gave away. You gave away all the shoes? Well, because they didn't fit me anymore. What was I thinking? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't realize... The kid's gonna grow up, and you save a fortune. She just wants my shoes. That's really what I exist for. What age is your... You have a daughter? Yeah, a daughter. It would be strange if... Yeah, you have a son. But, you know... I was in San Francisco last weekend, and let me tell you... Well, yeah, it's all about my shoes. You know, just to look at. Just to look at? Well, because I hardly... When I'm on your show, I get to wear them. But at home, come on, right? I mean, you know... My image of you, in my head, is... I like your image. Tell me. You wear this outfit in a vacuum. Much better. Yes. You're like... I've seen that Freddie Mercury video. Maybe one of those little do-raggy things on your head. Well, my husband's birthday is coming up. You've given me a nice idea. That's it. That's your husband's birthday present right there. That would be great. Now, listen, tell me about the movie. What's the movie about? Well, it's a thriller, and it's interesting, because I think it was written for a man originally. Really? Well, I mean, they just made John Jennifer, which was great. As a thriller, I was delighted, because this genre tends to have women as victims or... Victims, yeah, yeah, that's true. The perpetrator is always, you know... Pauline tied to the tracks ever since the silent era of films and all this. The Perils of Pauline, wasn't it? That's right, yeah, yeah. You must pay the rent, Pauline! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've seen that movie, too. Oh, a million times. There you go. So, there was no sexism, there was no misogyny. It was just, you know, a crime, drama, thriller, and I thought it was very smart. Now, what's the story, then? You're being followed by a guy with a tiny camera? A guy from the club? That's the sequel. How did you know? No, it's... I'm the Cyber Crimes Division FBI agent, and I actually got to spend some time with the Cyber Crimes Division FBI officers. There's a real Division of Cyber Crimes? Yes, yes. They have a full-time job. It's endless. I had no idea how much crime was happening in this... What, identity theft and all? Little wires. Well, yeah, I mean, all kinds of stuff, and really protecting children, and... Right, of course, yeah. Nobody is who they say they are on the Internet, of course. That's the starting point, and then from there, anything is possible, so... And if somebody wanted to do half of the things that go on, you know, it's possible, and that's what's so frightening. And is it... You're being followed around by an untraceable cyber criminal? Well, no, I'm trying to stop live-action badness, and it's being propagated, and... That would put this show out of business. You do know that, don't you? The more people that tune in, the guy's keeping track, and it's sort of an indictment against what people choose to watch online. And it's very clever. I mean, as a criminal... Do you censor your own... You have a teenage daughter. We talked about it. Do you censor her access to the Internet? Can you? I mean, is it even possible? The truth is, I mean, we all have to instill a little what I call Jiminy Cricket inside of everybody, and really, I think you know who you are when you're alone with a computer for as long as these kids are, or a lot of people. Where do you go when you feel like, A, you're anonymous, B, nobody cares who's watching, and your appetites and proclivities are just sort of, you know, the whole world is there. You come on this show, quite clearly. No, but I think that that's true. It is a completely unrestrained... Entitlement. Your appetites are unrestrained. That's the generation, too, that I'm dealing with. Right. This is my private universe, Mom, and I don't want you to have the password. And I got a Facebook account, and she was so angry with me, like it was just her domain, and I had no right to have an account. No, that is weird, though. I don't know. I don't think that I... You know, my son's six and a half, so his, you know, access to the computer is... You've got about ten minutes. Yeah, yeah, I know. But the thing is, I also, you know, feel okay physically tackling him when he reaches for the computer. So, like, when he's like, No! And I'll do that until... I just saw that. Until he's 40, I'm gonna do that. You know, like, No! Get away, Dad! For goodness sake, Dad, I have kids of my own. Get away from that computer! I like that. But I'm terrified that... I'm terrified that people have access to my child that I can't monitor. There's that. And I suppose that's what that is. There's that element, and, you know, I mean, it is kind of a litmus test, and we're just tour guide's parents, aren't we? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really, what you were intending to do is to get people to a point where they have their own boundaries, and they value them, so... And instill that in them. Well, now, listen, tell me about your... Do you live here? Do you live in Los Angeles? Are you from here? If you can call it living, no, I'm kidding. Really? No, the big joke when you're from New York is there's no life after death, there's only L.A. But, I mean, you know, I love L.A. I've completely 180 degrees changed. I'm... Really? Do you surf? I've raised my children in the rear view mirror, yeah. Do you... Are you into the Kabbalah and all that stuff? Do you do all that? Ooh. That's a big word. No, I'm kidding. No, I don't... Really? Ah, I thought you did. My grandmother was a Pentecostal preacher, though. Well, that'll do. Okay. Yeah. Who are Pentecostals? I'm not quite sure what they do. Well, we... They don't handle the... Well, some do handle snakes. Right. But, you know, you get the Holy Ghost... They're zookeepers. There's more zookeepers that handle snakes these days. Animal wranglers on film sets, but... Yes, you know, you get the Holy Ghost, and you dance around, and it's a lot of fun. Yeah, it sounds good. Yeah, it's all right. Have you been very religious in your daughter's upbringing? Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. So how do you handle that? I let her... Well, I think that it's important to become familiar with all different creeds and cultures and faiths and... I had a weird one with my son the other day. Oh. Yeah, we were talking about Alcatraz, and I said, all the bad people went there. And he said, did Hitler go there? And I said, no, no, Hitler didn't go there. He said, where's Hitler? I said, he's dead. And then he said, is Hitler in heaven? And I said, uh, no. And then he said, well, where is he? And I went, I don't know. You didn't want to send him there. I don't know what to do, you know. And I find myself in this horrible position of not knowing what to do. It's like the monologue. But you're at that great age. Why is the sky blue? Well, I mean, all kinds of great questions come your way when they're 6 1⁄2, and by 14, you don't know anything. Yeah, I know. And it's just better that way, really. Yeah, yeah, you're right. I look forward to it. You know, I'm sort of tolerated. It's all good. Anyway, well, listen, thanks for coming on. Oh, I appreciate it so much. I'm such a fan of your show. Well, I'm such a fan of yours. And my husband, Josh Brolin, wants to send you his best. He had a great time on the show. Josh was lovely when he was here. And I think he'll thank me when you dress up in that little outfit. He will. So we thank you in advance. So congratulations to you, Josh. Congratulations, Diane. We'll be right back, everybody. Welcome back to the show. So my first guest tonight is an Oscar-nominated actress. That was me acting. But she is Oscar-nominated, and she's starring in a new film, Cinema Verite, which premieres on HBO. Oh. Well, that's not TV, is it? It premieres April 23rd on HBO. Please welcome the beautiful Diane Lane, everybody. Diane Lane. I am so excited to see you. And I see I was right to be. Look at you. Well, thank you. You look great. You're very kind. And you're very handsome, too. You said that. Well, I'm telling you. No, you said it with your mouth, but your eyes were looking a little kind of... Askance? Yeah, well, you know, across here, perhaps. Oh. What is that? That's a snake cup. It's something that us gentlemen with a smaller penis use to overcompensate. We were just talking about my weenus backstage. Your weenus? Well, that's going to make the news. What's a weenus? I was told that it's this. Oh. When you straighten your arm, you don't want to do that. Because then you see your weenus. It's late night, you know. Do I have a weenus? Let me help you with that. No, baby, I do not. Oh, we touched our weenuses. Nice. Do you have any tattoos, by the way, to see that? Oh, my. Oh, yeah. That doesn't bode well for your weenus. No, yeah, it does. It's all in pieces. Yeah, but the pieces keep going and keep going. No, they don't. Early days yet, I just sat down. I was worried where we're headed. If I had a nickel for every time that I heard a woman say that, I... You don't have any tattoos, though, do you? No, no. Oh, really? You surprised me. Really? No, not at all. Oh. Not at all. Well, you're an Oscar-nominated actress. Ah, yes. What did you get the nomination for? Unfaithful. Oh, yeah. No, that was good, that. Thank you. Yeah, no, you were good in that. Do you know what else I liked you in? Secretariat. I've been warned. Okay, where are we going? I think there might be someone at the door, Diane. This is too much fun. No, that's the thing. In person. Yeah. The fact that I finally met him in person. That's the... You know, we had a... At Hollywood Park Racetrack, we had that, our Secretariat, race against the horse that played Secretariat in the movie. How'd that go? Ours lost. Oh. But with great style. Yeah, and over a very short space of time. Do you do any horse riding in Cinema Verity, your movie you came to talk about? Aye, aye, see what I did? It's not a Western. It's not? But I have... The last time I was on a horse, I was thrown. Really? Yeah. Why? I don't know. They saw something shiny in the bushes and they went and I stayed. It was like a cartoon. The horse was gone and I just went... Yeah. But there was this moment where you hover and it's all happening. You know, I go on my weenus, actually. The last time I... This is true. I'll show you. The last time I was on a horse. See that there? That scar? Oh, my. Yeah, look at that. That's real. Yeah. Can you see that there? Look at all that. See that? That's falling off a horse. That must have been a big horse. Yeah, it was, actually. It's my own horse, Duncan. Aww. Yeah. He's a Clydesdale horse. A Clydesdale? Yeah. You rode a Clydesdale? Well, not anymore. You must be bow-legged. They're very wide. No, they're big. Well, you know, I got ripped. I led you into this. Excuse me. Sorry. No, I do like a bit of horse riding, me. I love it. Yeah. I love it. But not so much in Cinema Verite. No Cinema Verite. Yeah, yeah. What's Cinema Verite? Well, let's see now. The Loud family in 1973, I think it aired, was the first American family, was the name of the show, the first people that allowed cameras in their life. Kind of the first reality show. Well, it's interesting because the reality show became something, how we got where we are today, as a whole other pan of worms. It's not really reality shows now. I don't think so. I think it's kind of an oxymoron, right? I mean, isn't it canceling itself out? It's like when they say amateur porn. They're not really amateur. Everybody's a star. Yeah, they're not really amateurs, the people in the amateur porns. They're just ugly professionals. You know what I'm saying? God. My husband is going to really enjoy this show. Oh, really? No, and that's what they... No, I'm not saying Cinema Verite is like that. Oh, no. No, but that's what I'm saying. It's like the reality shows are just, you know, low-paid actors now, aren't they, really? I don't even... Well, if they have an agent, I suppose they're an actor, which means they're not a real person. Yeah, that's right. It's all so complicated, really. Yeah, it is a little bit. Right, so Cinema Verite. Yes. So it's the story of the family that really allowed the cameras into their lives. Yeah. And what happened? For seven months, 300 hours of footage was whittled down to 12. And it's interesting because, I don't know, it's a very complex situation. This poor woman was trying to save her marriage and, in fact, wound up asking for a divorce. On camera? Yes. It really caused quite a stir. Yeah. Not bad. Yeah. It was talked about. I remember being seven years old and everybody was up in arms about it. Being a child of divorce, I felt like I was in the majority in Manhattan. Well, there's a lot of it now. I mean, I guess in 1973? Yeah, no, I don't know. I don't know. I was nine, nine? Single digit. Yeah, I was nine. I was nine. I just got my first tattoo. No, I think it's fascinating, though, because there used to be a kind of line drawn between, you know, real life and what was on television. And now there isn't really, is there? I mean, this show is kind of like a reality show. I hide from reality shows. I really do kind of pull the sheets over my head. Really? I mean, except for hoarders and maybe some of those, you know, rehab shows where people are trying to get their act together. Yeah. I feel sorry for people when they allow that into, I don't know. I just, I feel, because we make our living in front of the cameras. Can you imagine not having any off-duty time? Wouldn't that be? It'd be like doing this show. I don't, I tend not. That's not enough of a perk. No, no. If I had a nickel for every time I'd heard a woman say that. I think that, no, it's quite interesting, though, because I do this every night. And I don't really, there's no real line for me anymore. I mean, not really. Okay. Yeah. I'm, I'm just waiting for what. No, no, no. Like he let down the moat and I'm going to cross it. No, no. I mean, the bridge over the moat. No, no, it's fine. But you must answer my questions. Yes. As long as I do it with that Scottish accent. Yeah, well, question the first. Mouth organ or awkward pause? Awkward pause. Oh, really? Ooh, I'd like a, this is an Oscar-nominated Oscar. Bring your A-game, Craig. Bring your A-game. Oh, you really know how to milk this. Oh, yeah. I was taking lessons. Did I interrupt it? I ruined it. No, no, no, it's all right. It's all right. Let's do it again. Okay. This time the awkward pause has a sexual undertone. Raising the stakes. Okay. All right. Awkward pause.