You Never Need to Do *This* On a First Date

Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. I was having a thought recently about dating in general and how we're often accused of lacking chivalry these days. People are accused of not putting as much effort into dates anymore. And I was thinking about the way that dating works in big cities. And this may not apply in quite, I think it does, but it doesn't quite apply to the same extent outside of big cities and places where there are lots and lots of people. But I was thinking about the way people live life in a city. And generally speaking, people have a lot of options. They have their circle of friends. They maybe go out on a Friday or Saturday night. They've worked hard all week, so they look forward to that night when they're going to go out. And I was thinking about how we have these expectations on dates like, so-and-so should be taking me out on a Saturday night. If it's a first date, he should be asking me out this Saturday night if he likes me. Now, the problem with that is, when I really thought about it in a realistic way, I thought, well, actually, most of us don't want to spend our Friday or Saturday night with someone we don't know, with a complete stranger. It's almost like those nights are really precious to us with the amount that we work, that when it comes to those evenings, we don't really want to say, well, I'm going to give up a whole evening with my friends to see this person I'm not even sure I really like yet. And we must not get into this entitled or arrogant place where we say, well, they should know they like me by now, because if someone's barely met us or they met us for five minutes or just met us online, that doesn't mean they know they like us. It means they have a level of curiosity about us right now that might lead to genuine attraction or a deeper attraction. My view is that when you're on a first date, you're not really entitled to someone's Friday or Saturday night. Firstly, there are other nights of the week that you can go on a date with someone. And secondly, if you are going to go out with them on a Friday or Saturday night, there is a way to do this, which is really casual and actually shows you to be much more high value. See, if you and a guy were trying to get together and you said to him, you know what, look, I'm out with my friends on Saturday night, and I'm sure you're busy with your friends, but why don't we both meet up for a drink before we go out? That's a really high value way to arrange a date, because now what he sees is, ah, she's busy, she has friends, she's going out, and there's low pressure because we're just going out for a drink before we go out with our respective friends. Now, of course, what's great is you go out dolled up because you happen to be going out anyway, and it doesn't look like it's all for him. You have a drink with him, you have a good time, and then you say, okay, I've really got to meet up with my friends. This has been so much fun. Now, here's what happens. During the night out where you're both with your friends, you'll be texting each other because he'll start missing you. If he's had a great time with you, he'll be out. He probably won't be meeting anyone that great, and he'll be texting you and finding out where you are and what you're up to. Now, you may find, by the way, that he starts to get to like 1 or 2 a.m. and he's texting you to say, come meet me because he wants you know what. That's fine. You don't have to do that. You can just keep texting him and say, you know what, it's a little late for me, but I'll be around tomorrow afternoon, so give me a call. Now, what you've done is had almost a pre-date, almost a drink or two before you went out to get to know each other a bit better, to get comfortable with each other, and then when he's tried to get you back that night, you're saying, you know what, I can't tonight or it's getting a little late for me, but I'm around tomorrow afternoon, give me a call. By the way, notice I say give me a call, not give me a text because most women I know you want him to call you. So say give me a call. Give him that direction. This is a great first date. We must get out of the psychology of every date that we have with someone having to be some big thing or some ordeal where we spend one of the most precious nights of the week around someone who we don't even know that we like in a really deep way that could actually lead to somewhere. We must never be angry at the other person, by the way, for thinking in this same way. That's it. I will speak to you soon. By the way, come join me on Facebook. If you're not there with me having the conversation on a daily basis, you must come and join us there. It's facebook.com forward slash Coach Matthew Hussey. I'll see you there, guys. Thanks for listening.