Workplace Romance Keepin it real

Starting the coffee with K-Bar chopsticks using the Vortex method, the only true way to optimize the taste of your coffee at the molecular level. Good morning, welcome to the Daybreak Show. I am the Sultan. We'll get started, but first, coffee. Honduran cowboy coffee style. Wow. I guess once you start diving into the different coffees of the world and the different ways of preparing it, you will, you end up becoming obsessed with coffee. I have an espresso maker in, you know, the two pots that screw into each other. Some people call them mocha pots. I have one in storage. I have no idea where it is. I grew up loving that kind of coffee. Wonderful. Can't find it. And then somebody gifted me one, and I'll be making that soon. Probably be doing a video on that. That's a magnificent way to make coffee if you've never made coffee with that. So thank you for the mocha pot. Got to roll up my sleeves for this one. We're going to be talking about workplace affairs. It's a single topic episode today. Workplace affairs. Oh boy, you're thinking, Mondays are brighter, aren't they, when you're having a workplace affair. It kind of gives you a reason to go to work. You enjoy going to work when there's someone there that you're into. It's interesting, right? It's natural. It seems like it's natural. You're there to work, not to play. And you struggle with that in the beginning. And it could start out with working with somebody, training somebody, traveling with somebody, having an office or a cubicle next to somebody. You're working with somebody. You find each other attractive. Flirting starts. And then you have to get outside and have a cup of coffee or a drink or take a walk or have lunch together or something. Something like that has to happen in order for it to go further. And it usually does. Many of you have had workplace affairs or workplace relationships. Affair makes it sound illegal, immoral, unethical. When you just say workplace relationship, that's a little bit different. Think about it. You get home from work at six o'clock. You spend a few hours with your spouse and not even with your under the same roof. Maybe have dinner. Maybe watch a movie. Maybe you have a meeting. And then you just both end up going to bed together, kissing and good night. And that's it. And then get up, do it all over again. And you go to work and you're spending eight or nine hours with someone and you find yourself attracted to them. You don't have to see them go to the depending on who you are, obviously. And they always seem more attractive than your spouse or mate. Always. Don't they? You spend a few hours a day, if that, with your spouse. You spend eight to nine hours a day with the person at work. It's so easy to start something. So easy. Let's talk about some statistics for workplace relationships. Let me give you the top 10 workplace romance statistics to keep in mind. 58% of employees in a 2019 survey have had romantic relationships with a coworker. So more than half the people in this survey. Now, I don't know where the survey was. I don't know anything about the survey. I don't know how numbers were stacked or the survey was affected. I don't know that. But 58% have had a romantic relationship with coworker. 28% believe that all office relationships are fair game. It's fair game. Claims of sexual harassment are the number one reason why people avoid romantic office relationships. I 100% get that. I will not get into an elevator with a woman. I won't do it. If the door opens up and there's a woman in there, the way things are in society today, I'm like, I'll wait. I'll pass. Thank you. That's what I do. I will not travel for business with a woman. I won't do it because it could lead to something. Let's get real. You end up in the lounge at night having a drink. It's just way too easy to just end up in bed. I will not have projects, deep, long projects with another woman. Won't do it. I just won't do it. I am realistic. Oh, come on, grow up. No, I am grown up. That's why I've set these standards for myself. Not going to do it. I know that these situations can be difficult, especially if you are in a relationship at home where things aren't firing on all eight cylinders. I know it can be hard. I know that. I also know that in the beginning of any relationship, whether it be a workplace relationship, you have those love chemicals going. Maybe I won't call them love chemicals, but I will call them endorphins and the other hormones that are released when you are around the other person. Relationships can happen in any workplace, any workplace, and they're fun. Man, they are fun. And they can lead to something. When the fun wears off and the dreaming and the fantasizing about living in a log cabin in Montana wears off, then you're stuck with reality. Who's going to pay the bills? Who's going to raise the kids? What are we going to do with each other's families? You don't think of those things during office romances, and you don't have to. I'm not telling you to do that, but I'm just saying for those that have had them, my lord, they're exciting. 40% of people who had an affair at work were owners or executives of the company. That's interesting. The number of supervisor subordinate workplace romances went down in 2019 as it should. 85% of affairs outside marriage start at the office. Workplace romance statistics show 85% of affairs start at the office. That is huge. Huge. I've said this in the past. Men, if your wife works outside the house, she is working with other men that want to have sex with her. You're shocked. Some of you who are in tired marriages are like, let them have her because I'm having one of my own. Others are just absolutely shocked. One of the reasons why marriages aren't strong today, honestly, I believe this with all my heart, is because of the liberated woman who works outside the home. Men, I've always said this, make enough money where your wife doesn't have to work outside the home. It's got nothing about keeping her subordinate barefoot and pregnant and being a hardcore ruler prick of a husband kind of guy. The reality is this, is that there are men at your wife's job that want to bang her and are just always looking for the opportunity consciously or unconsciously, just like you are at your job. What do they say? It's okay. Birds will fly over your head, but don't let them make a nest and make a home inside your head. You're always going to have thoughts. It's called temptation. It's a fact. Things like that happen to the most innocent of people. This happens to good Christian people and everybody. You want to think that faith makes a difference. That if a person is a Christian, you want to think like, oh, that's going to be a big difference. They're going to be different. When it comes right down to it, everybody across the board, no matter what the demographic is, has the same type of falling factor. One thing leads to another. It doesn't matter who you are or what you claim to believe in or what you do on Sunday mornings with your family or what pew you sit in. Things like this even happen in churches. What if your place of work is a church? That's happened. I know a guy that was in the ministry and was having sex with like the education director at the church. They both were married. They got found out. They both lost their jobs and then they got married to each other. Each had kids. Imagine that. And this guy is in a ministry today. That's a pretty rough story if you ask me. But without focusing on that, there's a lot of stuff like that going on everywhere. It doesn't matter. It doesn't happen any less in a church situation or a Catholic school or a Christian school. It doesn't happen any less. There is human nature that exists in every situation, everywhere people are together. Human nature is there. It doesn't matter with a clerical collar. It doesn't matter what you profess. Now for some of you, it might, but 85% of all affairs start at the workplace. Holy cow. Emotional affairs are the most common type of infidelity at work. I have no idea what an emotional affair is. That sounds like something a woman would make up. An emotional affair. Or a weak male. 41% of employees are not aware of company policies on workplace romance. 16% of romantically involved co-workers have told others about their relationship. It's kind of fun when you keep it secret. 17% of workplace relationships started at social gatherings. The work party. The infamous work party. One in five employees cheated on their partner with a colleague. One in five. That's from Forbes magazine. But the one that gets me 85% of all affairs outside of the marriage start at the office. Isn't that amazing? Well, I can tell a chick wrote this article. There's a lot of emphasis on this emotional affair stuff. 45% of men and 35% of women admitted to having an emotional affair. You know what? Let's just call it an affair. Let's not just break it down. Let's call it an affair. I'm not gonna say an emotional affair, sexual affair. It's an affair. Well, we didn't do anything. We didn't even kiss. Shut up, please. That right there, that right there tells me it's an affair. There is a continuum in a relationship. You were in a relationship with somebody before you had sex with them, correct? Or was the first time that penetration or kissing happened, did that make the affair? Was that the official kickoff of the affair? What is the initial kickoff? I just think it's the mental version. You know, there is the scripture that rejoice in the wife of your youth. Let her breasts satisfy you. You may be intoxicated by her love. If I am a married man and I am looking at other women's breasts, I'm letting myself drink from another well. I'm letting another woman's breasts satisfy me versus having my wife's body. Do I want a certain percentage of my thoughts to go off my wife and to go on to this person or this person? There was that New York Post article that said staring at boobs increases longevity. There's a lot of guys staring at boobs. When you go on Instagram, the young women are just out of control. Even the middle-aged women are doing this dancing thing on Instagram. I've got to swipe or turn it off because I'm like, that's embarrassing to see this 40-year-old woman, 45-year-old, 50-year-old, 60-year-old woman dancing like a stripper in a sexual fashion. Dancing is pretty sexual. If you're honest with yourself, dancing is very sexual. There's a difference between aerobics, exercise, calisthenics, and then just this grinding of the ass and the moving of the breasts and all this sexualization of movement publicly displayed everywhere in front of husbands and boyfriends who are weak men, also known as cucks, allowing other men to get pleasure from their wife. What the heck is going on? So what is the scripture? Yeah, Proverbs 5. It says, drink water from your own well, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets, let them be for yourself alone and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth. Your fountain, it's another word for your seed, your body. Should your springs be scattered abroad? No, they shouldn't. These are rhetorical questions. Rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight. Be intoxicated always in her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? Holy cow. Pretty crazy, huh? There's a reason we like soft and curvy. There's a reason why we like that. It's to keep us focused, to take our energy, our mojo, our God-given, like I always said, God did not have to make sex fun. He could have just, you know, made you figure out that this fits with this, and that when you put them together quickly, a baby is created. He didn't have to make it fun, but that's the incentive. God incentivized procreation. So when we take the procreation out of it, all we end up with is fun. And we've elevated the fun more than we elevate the procreation and making a baby and bringing life into this world. So things are kind of backwards. The order is kind of mixed up a little bit, where now sex is just all about fun, and there's entire communities that are perverting and using what God created, the fun, and just literally worship the fun part and the different ways you can have fun and express it. For man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord. He ponders all his paths, the iniquities of the wicked ensnare him. He is held fast in the cords of his sin. He dies for lack of discipline. Because of his great folly, he is led astray. You come to a crossroads every single day. I've been to that crossroads a lot of times, and I've made wrong decisions. I know what it's like. I'm not talking to you as some high and mighty guy. I'm talking to you as someone who has fallen, who has gone down the wrong path, and has suffered the consequences of it, and has had my heart torn into a thousand pieces when I was younger. That's the beauty of getting older, is that you control yourself a little bit more. It's called temperance, self-control. Let's get back to that 85% thing. 85% of all affairs happen at work. Holy cow. Holy cow. Is that saying a stay-at-home mom can't have an affair, or the stay-at-home dad, or the work-from-home dad, or the work-from-home mom? No. But if you are pushing the issue, and you are amongst people, it's a numbers game. Think about it. It's a numbers game. If you work in a corporation, there's going to be someone there who you are sexually attracted to. It's a fact. It's going to happen. It's going to happen. Why would you want to put yourself in that situation? Number one, why would you want to put your spouse in that situation? That's why I believe in the concept of enhanced accountability. If somebody resists or bucks the concept of enhanced accountability, you need to end the relationship. You need to end the relationship. You can't move forward if a person does not want to be accountable, because they will gaslight the hell out of you, saying, you're trying to me. You're a control freak. I love that one. You're a control freak. No, I'm a love freak. I'm a family freak. I'm a I-want-to-build-something freak. I know guys that are having sex with random women on dating sites. You know, every couple of months, there's a new chick hanging out, waking up, bringing her toothbrush to the house. Guy says, I don't want a relationship. The girl says, OK. So she's enjoying it. Eventually, she's going to start either falling in love with him or she's getting her needs met elsewhere. You think if she's sleeping at your house one or two nights a week, you don't think she's going anywhere else, dude? Come on, man. You need to have that conversation. The conversation that says, we're not going to see other people. We're not going to entertain it. I'm closing the door. There's not a number two. The reality is I have talked with endless, endless men that found their girlfriends or wives on a dating site or at a local place so quickly after a breakup and men are just blown away. Men, let's just get something clear. Women are not any less likely to cheat than you are. They're not better. Women aren't more conservative. Women, I think, are more freakier than men. That's my opinion. That's my experience. If your woman has an affair, I guarantee you what she's doing with that other guy is everything that she doesn't do with you. That's why you can't take a woman back who has an affair. Never do it. Never do it. Some people have and it's always in the back of your mind. Every time you kiss her, you're going to think about where her lips were. It's going to happen. Let's get real. You need to cut it. Cut loose. Make a new plan, Stan. What can you do to protect your relationship, to build a wall around it, a hedge around it? What can you do? Do you even want to do that? Here's some of the pros and cons of workplace affairs relationships. Pro, you get to know someone naturally instead of being fixed up using a dating app. That's also the danger if you're working side by side with anyone. If you are traveling for your job, that's the easiest way to have an extramarital affair. It's the easiest way. You are more likely to share the same interests. Observing positive personality traits at work can be a good foundation for a relationship. Those are the pros. That's good. Now, here's the cons. Coworker gossip and spreading rumors, spending time with someone at lunch, taking walks at lunch, spending time together with an employee, a contractor, a client that you have to consult with. It's very easy to have an affair. Power dynamics could stir up trouble in the relationship depending on where the person is. There is a difference between banging the secretary and banging the CEO. Huge difference. You spend all your time together, work suffers and your family will suffer. For men, the reality is this. If you're having an affair at work, your woman will know it. She will know it. If she doesn't have proof that it's going on when the news comes out, you will hear these words come out of her mouth. I knew it. I knew there was something about that relationship. You could endanger your career. That's not good either. How do you stay away from office romance? Clearly state and signal that you're in a committed relationship. If you're married, why aren't you wearing your ring? If you're engaged, why aren't you wearing your diamond? If you're a woman, if you're a man, you don't have to be a stray dog, just always sniffing around. Avoid going alone to social events and business trips with coworkers. Avoid talking about your personal life at work. You don't need to do that. There's no foolproof way to avoid having an affair at work. Sometimes it just happens. Things happen. Sometimes it's premeditated. How can you tell if a coworker is in love with you? They talk to you more than they do others. They bring you coffee. They ask you about your day, like a spouse. How's your day, honey? Praise you in front of other colleagues. Make you feel good. Are they being friendly or are they being interested in body language, touching you, spending time alone with you in your office or taking walks? Let's say you go on a business trip. You work all day. What do you say to a coworker? Hey, let's go grab a bite. What comes before the eating? A drink. What does alcohol do? Lowers your defenses, increases your aggression, depending on who you are. Then there's another drink. The next thing you know, you're in a hotel room. Or the man walks her to her hotel room, gives her a hug and kisses her. You know, that elevator. You go up the elevator together and it's the most tense 30 seconds. Do you get off at their floor? Do you tell them, why don't you come to my room and we'll have a drink? Hey, want to watch TV? I'm not that tired. Listen guys, this old dog knows what he's talking about. He's been there. I have the experiences and I bear the scars of those choices too. The tension in the elevator. When the elevator gets to her floor and she's about to get out, what do you do? Going out to lunch together. Some of the signs that there's a romantic interest. That being said, it's important to distinguish between flirtation and sexual advances and someone just being friendly. I tend to think that most people know what they're doing. I don't. I'm not into the playing stupid. I wasn't flirting. I have no idea what you're talking about. You're getting gas lit at that point because everybody knows what they're doing. Love is a funny thing, isn't it? Sex is a funny thing. The two are different. The difference is love builds something, structures, families, institutions. Sex is all about the funnel to the orgasm. Everything leading to that. And it's fun. Endorphins. Oxytocin. Adrenaline. It's fun. All of that stuff that doesn't happen when you walk in the door at home. Now, this is a real rabbit hole, isn't it? Could you tell that I held back about my personal experiences? Could you tell that I know what I'm talking about? Did you get any hints that I've been there? And I'm just really speaking from experience and not just theory. I wasn't always a virtuous man in that area and have the notch count to prove it. It's not bragging. It's ashamed of. I look at people like Michael Foster when he says, I have a high notch count with the same woman. That'd be kind of cool. But wishing and hoping is not a strategy and it's never too late. If you're a man or a woman, you're not going to wipe the slate clean just because one day you decide that you're going to be an angel. Let's get real about that. As some guys say, you can't turn a hoe into a housewife. And that goes, that door does swing in the other direction for men as well. Just something to think about. Some stream of consciousness stuff on a Thursday morning. Heavy topic, isn't it? I need a second cup of coffee now, but finish your coffee and I'll see you tomorrow on The Daybreak Show, your home of sanity, clarity, reason, and keeping it real.