The Heartbreaking Truth... [Vlog 47] in Suchitoto, El Salvador

In this vlog I'm going to share with you something a little bit personal. I really don't love to share this stuff because I'm really cognizant that the energy we express into the world matters and I want my energy contributions to be positive. I ended up capturing this low point with zero intention to share it but recently I've been grappling with it a little bit in my heart and I decided I wanted to be authentic about the entire aspect of this journey because at the end of the day this is my journal, my diary of motorcycle traveling. So with a little hesitation I'm going to share a little insight into this low point with you but first let me tell you about the day. From Santa Ana I rode over to Suchitoto, a little colonial style lake town in the mountains of El Salvador. Pretty little church. Vamos todos al laquete. Oh and flowers. This looks like a little nice town. Oh people playing soccer. If I was staying near here I would so ask them if I could join. So beautiful. It's big too. Super big. Okay I'm sorry the drone was a fail for today but I promise I'll get better. So pretty and the pups. Hey buddy. One, two, three. Very skinny pups. Hey buddy. I think they're usually afraid with the helmet on. What's up buddy? Just staring? It's okay don't worry. So I've arrived at the lake and decided to go down to the lakefront to check out what was there. More people now. Oh this is like a boat launch. Okay okay. Well we got a restaurant here. Kind of a park area. This is the lake all behind here and some lanchas, some boats to take you out on the water. There are boats you can take around the lake but I don't know. I think it's a little too touristy maybe for me. This scenery is very nice. Gracias. Here I have one of 20 with a fan. Okay can I see? So this is the central plaza. It's really pretty with the church over here, a nice fountain and then they have some ice cream and I don't know actually not really that many fruits but some other foods and then they have all these little tiendas selling like crafts and stuff. Let's go to the market to get something to eat. That cost $3.60. Shade, a seat and eat. It's a public cleaner hands. One, two, the things you do in your room when you're all alone. Three, four, you want more, more of whatever cure that was. Five, six, found in bliss when you're drunk or you're doing when you're drunk, when you're doing. Seven, eight, but you never really play this game. Namaste. Quick fix, found in bliss when you feel the heartbeat inside. Yeah, that's a boy. You want to come home for some lunch? You're gonna go into the store and then come right back out. He's waiting right outside. Okay, do you want to come? Do you want to come right now? So about that personal share. It happened earlier today. While riding my motorcycle, I sometimes get inspiring thoughts and since I can't write them down in the moment, I record them into my GoPro. Otherwise, I know I'll lose them. In this case, it wasn't something inspiring at all, but an expression of some of the really negative thoughts I've been feeling. I won't share it all, but it's a small insight into truthfully the parts of the journey that, in my case, involve the need for some greater mental and emotional strength. But before I show you this, please don't worry. I'm okay. There are just moments of feeling really down and that's the heartbreaking truth. Sometimes I just feel like a total loser and this was just one of those moments. It's all a part of my journey, I know that. Showing me areas where I'm giving my power away. And thankfully, I have the tools and I know how to get back up. But the truth is, these moments do exist when I'm heartbreakingly down and this was just one of those moments. Today was a hard day. I bumped up against feelings of hopelessness, despair. Honestly, I don't like to say it, but the feeling of just wanting to give up, just the thoughts of failure. This is such a weird thing I'm doing with these, with this top reflection, but. So I felt really just blah yesterday and today and feeling like the vlog hasn't been successful and is going nowhere. And you know, my money is running out, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And just physically exhausted from the bike and also feeling like I'm not good enough about what I do on the bike because I've done less off-road than others. And just looking at the others in my space, you know, the other women in motorcycling and how they have been successful. And I guess comparing myself to that, I'm feeling just lower. Yeah, all the wrong things to do. Certainly. And I guess I am questioning how to make the vlog work because it's getting to be a little exhausting and it just sometimes feels like I don't know how to do it all. Like just riding the motorcycle and figuring out all the logistics and getting places and staying in places and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's all, it's all a lot in and of itself. Anyway, this is all a big blab, but it was that kind of day.