Family, Redemption, and Manhood with Denzel Washington

First, let me thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule. I know you're directing now, you're doing a lot of things. So, thank you. And secondly, family is important to you. Why is family so important to society? Hmm. The universal stems from the specifics. I'll talk about my family. You know, I have a God-fearing, loving, faithful wife who has taught me so much about family. I'm from a broken home. Seeing her consistency in really running the household while I'm out hunting. You know, and understanding the importance of family. And you know, I protect her, I love her, and I provide for her. But that's my job. You know, they talk about the roles we have. But that doesn't mean one role is more important. Yes, I'm the breadwinner. But my children are winners because of my wife and the type of house she's established and the type of home she's established. So, she's a nurturer. But you play an important role because you subscribe to traditional family in terms of the mom, the dad, husband, wife. And you talk about your own brokenness and woundedness that you came from. And many men are broken. You know, suffering from either absentee father or not a great relationship with their father. And there are many men, tens of thousands of men who are going to be watching this who look at you and the work that you've done in films. And you become a hero. And heroes are important to us. They elevate us. They inspire us. They give us hope. But there is a common theme about manhood that comes through your films. An expression of redemption, sacrifice, and salvation, liberation. Is that intentional? March 27, 1975, a prophet named Ruth Green prophesied that I would travel the world and preach to millions of people. I was flunking out. I had flunked out of college. I was in my mother's beauty shop, and she kept looking at me in the mirror. And every time I looked up, she was looking at me. So she wrote it down. I still have a piece of paper. I've told this story before. She didn't say you're going to be an actor. She didn't say you're going to make a movie, you're going to make millions of dollars and all that. Make a long story long, 1982, I was filled with the Holy Spirit. It just wasn't ready, going back to your question. Rationalized, justified, if you will, what I was doing by speaking through my work. I asked a pastor, Bishop Blake, I said, well, do you think, you know, I told him that story, I don't know how many years ago, do you think I should be a pastor? He said, no, you have your pulpit. So I always looked for that, for lack of a better word, angle. What's the story? The only thing I wrote on the cover of Training Day was the wages of sin is death. I had the end of that film changed. In order for me to justify living in the worst way, I had to die in the worst way. He died in a very small way in the script. But I purposely wanted him to be knocked down on the ground and crawl like a snake. I purposely wanted everyone in the community to turn on him, and I wanted him to die in the most violent way. So for many, many years and decades, I did that through my work and through my philanthropy and through being a good guy and all of those things. That's not the case anymore. What my mother said to me was, Denzel, you do a lot of good, but you must do good the right way. She said, and you know what I'm talking about. Can't buy your way in. Can't love your way in. You got to serve. You got to do good the right way. So at 66, getting ready to be 67, having just buried my mother, I made a promise to her and to God, not just to do good the right way, but to honor my mother and my father by the way I live my life the rest of my days on this earth. I'm here to serve, to help, to provide. In every prayer, you know, the ego's interesting. You just don't know. But in every prayer, all I hear is feed my sheep. That's what God wants me to do. I'm like, well, wait a minute. What does that mean? Well, what I found out in the last couple of years of hearing it, that there's all kinds of sheep. Not everybody wants to go right to the... So that's why I talk to experienced shepherds like yourself to help guide me. So to make a long story longer, going back to your question, it can be wobbly. The world has changed. What is our role as a man? You know, the John Wayne formula doesn't fit right now, but strength, leadership, power, authority, guidance, patience are God's gift to us as men. We have to cherish that, not abuse it. I prayed this morning to be a better listener. Didn't work so well. We're human. You get back up. Yes, I've been high up on the mountain. I've been blessed. But that's a slippery slope. And it's lonely up there. You know, people don't know that side of it. There is this tension that's presented in your films between the moral ideal and the struggle in the reality that we live. And most men live in that tension. You express that. So your characters go through this transformation. So either your characters get redeemed, which I love beautifully in Man on Fire, where you exchange, you know, your life for the life of the young girl. Oh, you've seen these movies. This is good. I'm going to use some of this, you know, because it was what I redeemed. Yeah. So it was an act of redemption. That's what I'm saying. But the struggle, you were very clear with the struggle. And men need to know that because you're a hero to a lot of guys, man. They look at you and vicariously experience. What is the definition of a hero? Well, a hero is someone that elevates your soul by giving you a model of the better part of us as human beings. Well, I'm here to say, men, what I played in the movies is not who I am. It's what I played. The essence of it, which what you're talking about, is what I wanted to come through. But I'm not going to sit or stand on any pedestal and tell you about what I had in mind for you or your soul. Because the fact of the matter is, in the whole 40 year process, I was struggling for my own soul. So you were struggling. Yeah. With your own challenges. Struggling. You were in that tension between the ideal and the reality. Absolutely. And yet you were able to take on a role, take on a character, a personality, and convey a set of values and principles through that character incredibly well. That's why people love the film. But I think it's important what we're hearing you say, that in spite of the character that you were playing, you had your own personal struggles and transformation that you're going through. I'll put it this way. Training Day is the easiest part I played. There's more of that in me than Cry Freedom. Or even Malcolm X. All right. So it's not bad. Training Day was easy. I'm from around the way. Training Day was easy for you. And I'm from around the way. So it's amazing how you can engage. I'll tell you what I don't have. Go ahead. Fear. Okay. You know, we were, the mayor of our town came to the boys club, spoke, asked some questions. And said, anybody have a question? We ended up getting into the debate. I'm like, nah, I'm debating the mayor. When I left, the head of the club said, man, boy, you know, you're smart. You can be anything you want, smart as you are. I'm like, I know. He's like, well, go on. But I'm walking home now thinking I could be a president, I could be a fireman. I'm not, I wasn't thinking that big, but I was thinking, you know, I just. But those words inspired you. Because we need someone to believe in us. Yes. That triggers something inside of us. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. This woman who prophesied. And at my lowest point in my life. And then things started to happen. And I'm like, well, is it connected to what she said? She didn't say nothing about the movies, but it's just my life changed. Life has humbled me. I used to say I wanted to be the best actor in the world. When I won second Oscar, I said I wanted to be the best actor I could be. Now I don't even necessarily want to be an actor. It's not my goal anymore. It's not a burning desire for me. I may segue out of it in the next few years, if not sooner. But to go all the way back to your question. None of that would have happened without the family. None of that would have happened. And not just my wife, but the love I give to my children and the love I give back. Coaching them. Oh, I was one of the worst coaches. Getting in fights with other dads and all that. But I love to inspire. I like that. I like seeing people do well. It was so interesting I ended up becoming an actor. Because I've never been the out front guy. I just like seeing people do good. It's beyond just Denzel the actor, Denzel the husband, the father. But someone who genuinely has this lens on humanity. And feels the need to respond. Not foolishly, but wisely and selectively. But still the need to respond to the broken human condition. And more is not better. Everybody has different gifts. I've been blessed with money. Some have love. Some have patience. Some have kindness. Men, whatever your gift. You know, society is forcing success down our throat. Comparative success down our throat. You know, I don't know if the Bible says it. But somewhere it says in the last days we'll become lovers of ourselves. It's in the Bible. The number one photograph now is a selfie. So we all want to be followed. We all want to lead, I should say. We're willing to do anything. Young ladies and young men. Anything to be influential. You know, the universal stems from the specific. Where's your soul? Where's your heart? Where does it start? Do you want credit for it? Or do you want to see the other person do well? It's the most selfish thing I've done in my life, is give. Because of the joy that I get from it. I love it. I don't like it. I love it. I don't know if that was my nature or my mother taught me. I remember I was starting to be a little successful. My mom said, I came in, I said, Ma, did you think, she said, you shut up. Right where you are. Have people been praying for you? Grandfathers, great grandfathers. Then she started calling me Superstar for about a month. Hey, Superstar, go get that squeegee in that bucket, Superstar. Hit them windows, Superstar. Hey, Superstar, come here, hit the back. She had me cleaning it. Feet on the ground. So that unit, that family, I didn't do it by myself. I couldn't have done it, obviously, without my mother. I couldn't have done it without my wife. I couldn't have done it without my children. Who teaches you to be a man? Fame is a monster. We all have these ladders or battles or roads we have to walk in our given lives. Be you famous or whoever's out there listening. We all have our individual challenges. It's cliche, money don't make it better. It don't. Fame just magnifies the problems and the opportunities. You've had it, you've experienced it. What do you say to the men who are watching this program who know you on the big screen, don't know you personally, and love the fact that you share openly, transparently? A lot of men don't want to do that because, you know, pride rules too often in a man's life. Yeah, give it up. What do you say to these men around the world who are watching this interview from someone who is their hero, regardless if it's from the screen? Thank you. Stay on your knees. Watch me, but listen to God. Don't listen to me. I hope that the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart are pleasing in God's sight, but I'm human. I'm just like you, you know? What I have will not keep me on this earth for one more day. Share what you know. Inspire who you can. Seek advice from... If you want to talk to one, someone, talk to the one that can do something about it. Constantly develop those habits. Here's a good one for me. Slow to speak. I can't even say it. We all got something that we're working on. I'm a work in progress, like anyone else, and take the tools that you're given. I never looked at things as problems. I look at them as opportunities. Maybe that's something I can say. Someone, ah, well, she did this, and I'm like, well, what an opportunity you have. Yeah, well, the world, you know, because they did this and said that. Yeah, well, what an opportunity you have to make a difference. Because you never know who's watching. But more importantly, you shouldn't do it to be seen. You know, pray about it. Whatever it is you're committed to. Fight for it. What did you say? Fear is nothing but contaminated faith. That's right. Fear is nothing but contaminated faith. My chest is sagging right now because I ain't been lifting weights. I'm losing weight first, then I'll start the weights. So you got to lift them faith weights. You got to do your curls and your squats daily. You may get injured. You may want to throw them down. You may want to give up. You may never be big. But strength. What did one guy say? Man is not spelled B-I-G. I like that one, right? Because they were interviewing some little wide receiver, and they kept saying, well, you know, this and that, and he said, hey, hey, hey, hey. Man is not spelled B-I-G. So whatever you're doing, whatever lane you're in, what an opportunity you have. When you fill your reservoir every day. We walk out of the house with our bucket of self-esteem, and everybody's waiting with ladles. They're just sitting there scooping and scooping. And you have to refill your bucket every night. You have to refill your bucket every morning. I think you gave formula. This is called the better man event. And I think you gave somewhat of a formula to be a better man. I mean, taking all the things that you've said into consideration, the life that you live, the transparency, the vulnerability, all that speaks volumes to who you are as a person. But we need goals. We need models. We need heroes. Dreams without goals are just dreams. Come on. And ultimately, they fuel disappointment. Exactly. On the road to achieving your dreams, you must apply. This all comes from Pastor Bernard. I just stole it. It sounds familiar. Yeah, it sounds familiar. You must apply discipline, but more importantly, consistency. Because without commitment, you'll never start. But without consistency, you'll never finish. These are all things I learned from you. So the position I have, the money I have, the stardom I have, the joy or pain or whatever I've given to people through the films that I've done, don't make me any better. Leave room to learn. I'm going to say something, a line from one of your films. Uh-oh. You going to act it or you just going to say it? I'm going to say it. Okay. My man. Frank Lucas. Mr. Washington. There it is. Yes, sir. Thank you. I jumped right into the conversation. Didn't even introduce you, so forgive me. Joseph. My name is Joseph. But there's some people that don't need an introduction. You know, when you just have one name, Denzel, you don't need two names anymore. But thank you for giving the time for this interview, Denzel. And thank you for your life. Thank you for your journey. And thank you for the willingness to share that journey. Again, I said it before, your vulnerability, your transparency. And I want to bring on the set the founder, the one that God inspired for this whole better man. And Brian Buckley. Brian. Pete Denzel Washington. Denzel. My pleasure. Wow. We're blown away by the way that you were so transparent tonight. The way that you opened up with authenticity. Men need to see this. What you exemplify today is going to be shown to fulfill the prophecy that you spoke about. So let's pray. Dear God, you are the Alpha and the Omega. Father God, come and speak to the men that are watching this interview. Let them feel your presence, Lord. Father God, we ask for your divine touch on Denzel and all the things that he is going to do. To fulfill that prophecy. Bless in your precious name. Amen. Thank you. In these podcast recordings, we're going to discuss topics that are derived from one of the great curriculums that we're working with right now from Better Man Ministries. They have a core curriculum. It's 11 weeks long. And our team's been going through some of this curriculum. Wanted to let you know that some of the things that we're discussing are coming out of this curriculum. And so we hope that you'll take the opportunity to be a part of this curriculum as well. Sometime in the future, either alone or with a group of men at your church. It's a fantastic resource and I just want to encourage you to be a part of it.