Message to Venus - CRAZY TOUR STORIES Ep. 71

Okay guys, this is Jandre again from Messy Savinas and I'm going to tell you a little bit of some wild tour stories. Okay, so what do you think guys? It was that one gig somewhere, somewhere in the middle of Florida, right? It was in Gainesville. Gainesville, Florida, all right. I'm not going to mention the venue because the guys were really great. It was a great venue. So we showed up what we thought was a three band gig. It turns out after two hours, this really cool cat named Wolfman tells us, oh it's actually a freak show that you guys got going on. So then all of a sudden we saw these, you know, wild looking dudes and dudettes showed up all tattooed out and they had all kinds of like crazy piercings and you know, I mean we got plugs and we got some tattoos, but these guys just took it to another level. One of them, all right, they had these two really hot chicks that were hanging out with these ugly dudes and they were hot man in titties, you know. So they walk in and they have this little man. So this little guy, because I mean, I know people that are little guys, you know. So this little person, he just, you know, had, you know, no arms. He had just fingers sticking out of his shoulder and this guy had tattoos all over his face, big ass beard, you know. That's not the crazy part. That's not the crazy part, man. So this guy was like the main man. So he had little sticks and he was juggling stuff and I was like, man, I got arms. I can't even do that, you know. This guy was doing that. So then he starts his performance with a screwdriver and he tells everybody, hey everybody, and he gets a condom and puts a condom on the screwdriver and he asked people, you know where the center of your head is? Do you know where the center of your head is? And we're all like, what? We were freaking out. We were freaking out. I was like, what is this guy gonna do? So everybody's like, it's right here. He's like, no, it's right here. So he gets, he gets it and he puts it like right on his, inside of his nostril. He grabs a bottle and just like, and slams it into the center of his head. I swear to God, his eyeball was like bulging out, just like on those videos where you see those, those dudes like, and those eyeballs pop out. That's what's happening to his right eyeball. It was like bulging out. I was expecting a condom to come out of his eyeball. So no, he's like, he coughs it out and he starts doing bubbles with the condom out of his mouth. That's who we opened up for in ******* Florida. Oh my God. So then after that, the girls, they started doing some titty dances and blah, blah, blah. And they did some other stuff and they started like juggling machetes and you know, and doing all kinds of crazy stuff and like dislocating their, their body parts to get inside of tennis rackets. It was, it was kind of disgusting, man. But whatever tickles your crickle, man. I'm gonna, I'm gonna give you guys one more, one more. So we go to Austin. Ah, Austin. Austin. Oh, great Austin. Jesus. We've heard so many stories. So everybody was freaking us out about New Orleans and how shady. Watch out, man. Watch out. People are going to take your stuff. They're going to take your stuff, man. They're going to put roofies in your drinks and make you, you know, get you naked. And then we got to Austin, man. Austin made New Orleans look like Disneyland. I swear to God. All right. So first of all, it took us, it took our, like an hour to park a van in front of this place called a headbangers ball or head hunters. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. So head hunters, it's no longer called that because they changed it into some other name. So we're greeted inside by these absolutely naked girls with like those electronic tape covering the little titties. And then they had like G strings on and, you know, they had deep little belly buttons, you know, but then they were all of a sudden dancing on the bar every time there was a performer. And I thought it was only for that certain performer. Like, wow, this band brought in some go-go girls to dance on the bar. Nice. All right. So no, they did that for us. And when we were playing, all of the bartenders and cocktail waitresses were dancing all over the place. Place got loaded and there was titties everywhere. So then we were in the back and we saw people like going in like, right. It was like, I was, so I just met my cousin for the first time, 28 years. And this is like my first conversation with him. And there's people walking by us trying to get a fix and people like doing drug deals, man. I'm like, Jesus Christ. What's he going to think about me? Oh my God. What's he going to tell Tio? You know, you know, it was a wild place, but you know what? I'm not, I'm not, I'm not belittling people of Austin. Austin, everybody was awesome. Even the ones that were fucked up on drugs. They were all super cool to us. Everybody was, everybody paid attention to our music. They had a great time with us. They danced with us. Um, every time I was scared to take a picture with one of them, I'm like, can I take a picture with like your titties? And I was like, grab my face and like, you know, buy me a drink, you know? So, you know, it's not too wild. You know, maybe later on, we'll get a little crazier. So we can tell you next time. So until next time, you guys stay in touch. MessySavenus.com.