Licensed marriage and family therapist Ron Deal provides crucial insights on how couples forming blended families can manage expectations and foster unity. He joins NTD to share strategies to help stepparents and children build lasting, meaningful relationships.
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With over 40% of marriages in America ending in divorce,
a lot of new families are created through second marriages.
NTD's Daniel Monaghan spoke
with licensed family therapist Ron Deal
on building familiness and ensuring harmony
in the new home.
Ron Deal is a licensed marriage and family therapist
with the Family Life Educational Ministry.
He says couples forming step or blended families
often come in with super high expectations.
They have fallen in love with a person
and they want very much for their children,
whether one or both adults is bringing children,
whatever that combination is,
they want very much to have a family.
So it's not just about being a couple,
it's about finding what I call familiness.
And it turns out that the journey
to familiness is a process.
An eager stepparent can push too hard.
For example, a stepfather doesn't realize
he's stepping on the toes of the biological dad
when he says, hey, I just want you to like me,
love me, get along.
Well, they've got to figure out
where to keep their dad in their heart,
how to keep dad there at the same time,
making space, new space for a stepfather or a stepmother,
whatever the case may be.
The family therapist uses the analogy
of the kid's new coach or teacher.
They may be honored and respected
as an authority in my life,
but you're not my dad, you're not my mom.
And that's a totally different thing.
But over time, some coaches become dearly loved
and honored and respected.
And teachers over the course of a school year
who prove themselves to really have
the child's best interests at heart,
that child warms up to them.
And there's something that happens in the heart
that is genuine and authentic.
Deal says the couple's relationship
is the key to the whole family journey.
The better they do at being a team,
the better the whole family does.
If they struggle, if they get divided,
if they can't agree on parenting, for example,
things are gonna be really difficult
for the family as a unit.
It's important that parents set a tone of respect.
We're not gonna insist that you like or love other people.
We are going to insist that you be decent,
that you be reasonable and thoughtful.
The family therapist likens stepfamily homes
to two countries.
If you live at peace with another country,
you get along really well,
then children can cross the border
and feel very comfortable in both places.
But if those two countries are at war,
and we know in some parts of the world right now,
there's hostile environment,
well, then children are not free to move back and forth.
They're not free to love these people
and love those people and get along.
Everybody's on pins and needles.
Family Life Blended is the largest
stepfamily educational program in the world.
They provide resources, online training,
live events and books on how to navigate the journey
of becoming a healthy stepfamily.
Daniel Monahan, NTD News.
