獨家孩子為什麼不願意與家長溝通？為什麼不聽話？為什麼叛逆？為什麼偏要跟家長對著幹？來看看家長都做了什麼… #乾淨世界 #子女教育 #語言暴力 #自媒體

Do you know why children don't want to communicate with their parents? I once saw a discussion on the Internet asking which of the parents' actions hurt you the most. The result was that almost all of them chose the parents' language violence. I summarized the four categories. Many parents have actually used these four types of language violence. It's just that they don't think so. But it is these inexplicable language violence that destroys the relationship between you and your child. As a result, in family education, it is particularly difficult for parents to communicate with their children. Let's take a look at the four types. The first one is called We often hear some parents say to their children, Look, you only got this score. Do you still want to go to a high school? No way. In fact, our children have been working very hard. Although this exam is still not ideal, compared to the last exam, he has improved by more than ten points. But the parents who hit the model said, Why are you so stupid? Why can't you pass the exam? I think this kind of parent always sees the shortcomings of the child. They always blame the child for not performing well. In fact, this kind of parent, you go and see. His character is more negative. Maybe their parents have been treating them like this since they were young. They are constantly denied and hit. No matter how hard you try, you can't get the recognition and recognition of your parents. This kind of offensive language will make the child more and more unconfident. I'll just break the jar and break it. I won't try anymore. That's how I am. And this kind of lack of confidence will cause the child to become more and more inferior. Many children's psychological problems or personality disorders are actually due to the child's inferiority. How did that inferiority come about? Isn't it just this time and time again? It was hit by parents and denied. The second kind is complaining language violence. Just keep complaining to this child. Why are you so weak? You see, I worked so hard to raise you up. It's easy for me to die and live. Your father and I work so hard every day. I just hope you can go to a good high school and go to a good university. If you do this, are you worthy of me and your father? Complain, complain, complain, complain, complain. As soon as the child returns home, he hears this kind of endless complaining. If you have such a person around you every day and keep complaining, you will be annoyed. If it were me, I would think the farther away from him, the better. The third kind is threatening language violence. Threatening the child. For example, if you don't listen to me, I'll smash your phone. If you don't listen to me, you get out of my house. And so on. In fact, every threat is just a threat. There's nothing to do. As time goes by, the child listens. The child thinks, well, you just say it casually. You didn't really kick me out. Or you really smashed my phone. He said, if you think about it, didn't you buy it, too? Did you spend the money? Right? So, just take your words as earplugs. You're a parent. Your dignity is lost. There are no dignified parents. Can the child listen to what you say? The fourth is called verbal violence of loss of speech. This type is actually the most lethal. It also hurts the child the most. For example, I'd rather keep a dog than keep you. The dog often shakes its tail at me. Otherwise, I'll scold you. This child is a waste, a scoundrel. That's it. What's next? If you go on like this, you'll only deserve to throw up, sweep the street, and so on. Or you say, you are the shame of our family. Oh, my God. Listen, if I were that child, I'd even want to kill myself. Many children are twisted and rebellious. They are addicted to their phones, and they hate to learn. When they meet their parents, they are like enemies. Most of them have a direct relationship with the above four types of parents' verbal violence. Many parents are used to it. If you don't preach, it's an order. Otherwise, it's a loss of speech. Or you take your child and compare it with someone else's child. Look, whose child is this? What's going on? Then come back and beat your child and lose your speech. You know what? Parents' verbal violence is actually far more lethal than you can imagine. I remember once I watched a TV show. There was a girl on the scene who kept crying and told her mother, Why do you always think that someone else's child is better than me? Can't you see any of the advantages I have? Guess how this mother answered her. She said, I'm saying this for your own good. I keep hitting you to bias you and prevent you from being proud. At that time, I couldn't help but cry and laugh. Then this daughter told her mother, The problem is that you hit me so hard that I can't stand it. Mom said, It doesn't matter. When you do a good job, I think I should hit you. If you fail, I'll push you. Hearing this, I really feel sorry for this child. No matter how this daughter communicates with her mother, this mother always insists that her own approach is right. In the end, this daughter walked off the stage helplessly. At that moment, I felt that this mother would kill her own child. I can't remember where I saw a professional research showing that children who are often abused by their parents are very likely to have a personality defect. When the child grows up, he will turn the language violence that his parents once gave him into his own weapon, hurting people and himself. Even after he gets married, he will use this language violence to treat his own child. Poor child. A survey found that 40% of teenagers grew up in families with language violence. What are the consequences of this language violence? The child is not confident. He is very self-abased. His self-worth is very low. Some of them are very rebellious. If you tell me to do something, I will do nothing. If you tell me to go east, I will go west. I will piss you off. Or, no matter how hard I work, I won't satisfy you anyway. Why should I work hard? Then I will break the jar and break the bottom. In fact, many children who don't work hard are suppressed by their parents. Or what else? This child's personality will become very weak. What will the weak child do in the future? Or, this child's personality will be easily impulsive, angry, grumpy, and even violent. Look at those children who like to bully others in school. They are the kind of children who bully others in school. You will find that there is a lot of resentment in his heart. If there is no place to vent, he will bully others and beat other students. You will find that many children like this grow up in a family with language violence or physical violence. So, as parents, you must understand clearly the harm that language violence causes to your children. Communicating with children makes them willing to communicate with us. First, you must stop using language violence against children. How do you communicate? Children will listen. I have three very useful tips to share with you today. The first is to be simple and clear about the child's needs. Don't drag your feet. Grumble. I found that behind most grumpy children, there are parents who like to grumble. Especially mothers. For example, if you want your child to pack his schoolbag quickly, or if you are late for school, you start to grumble. I have told you several times. Can you not throw your own books around? Look at you, a girl, how embarrassing it is to grumble all day. Which man would want to marry you Well, if you grumble like this, the child will not know the point of your words. Are you going to say that no one wants me in the future? Or are you going to say that I'm grumbling? It's going to take me a long time to pack my schoolbag and make such a mess. There is no point in talking. The child does not know what you are talking about. It's so annoying to annoy you. As soon as you open your mouth, he would rather put his ears up, or he would rather turn himself into a cage. What if we change the method? You say, Hey, girl, we're going out in five minutes. Hurry up and pack your schoolbag. Come on, I'll watch you do it. It's simple and clear. Which effect do you think would be better? The second is if you want to criticize the child, it's just a matter of time. Many parents are very excited when criticizing their children. The voice is loud, the tone is high, the expression is clear, like a mother's tea, the east is hot and the west is cold, and even turn over the old account. At this time, do you think the child will communicate with you? Third, after the child makes a mistake, don't criticize him, but give him guidance. Many parents say the most when they criticize their children. The most common sentence is You say it yourself, what's wrong with you? The child doesn't know where he's wrong. He just said it. Then the parents said no, think again, what's wrong with you? The child was confused and didn't know what to say. In fact, the best way is to give the child a correct statement. For example, you can tell the child to play with his phone This is wrong. Now you have two choices. Five minutes later, sit at the desk and finish your homework. In this way, you can still watch TV for 40 minutes tomorrow or play with your phone for 40 minutes. The second choice is you can watch it today. I don't care about you. But for the next three days, you don't want to watch TV or play with your phone anymore. Then you choose. You say this communication is much more powerful than the previous one. Then the child won't bother you. Isn't that right? So, if you want to educate your child successfully, good communication and vocabulary are a must for every parent or is about to become a parent. I'm talking to you every day.