The Story of Perseus & Medusa... kinda - Greek Mythology Explained

Hey, have you heard that story about a plucky young hero with an absent father who goes on a magical adventure that ends with him saving a hot chick from a giant monster and then he gets to be a king or something? Yeah, me neither, but I have a feeling that kind of a premise would resonate with a lot of people, so let's see if maybe someone's done it before. It's your old pal Jake again, back with some spicy new Greek mythology. It's Perseus, by the way, I'm doing the story of Perseus. And I was being facetious about the whole, ooh, nobody's ever done a story like this before, because it's actually a very common formula, and I think a guy wrote a book about it or something, I don't know. So there was this guy Ecclesius whose two favorite things were having a male heir and not being murdered, but he had only accomplished one of those things, and that got him pretty frustrated. So he went to an oracle and he was like, hey, am I gonna have a son? And she was like, nah, but your daughter Danae will give you a grandson. Oh sweet, is he gonna inherit my throne? Oh yeah, totally, right after he murders you. Oh cool, wait, ah, stupid monkey's paw! So he tossed his daughter down a hole so she couldn't procreate, but then one day Zeus came strolling by. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, wait a second. Oh hey, nice! Hey, wanna bang? Sure. And then nine months later, Ecclesius heard baby sounds coming out of the hole and he was like, ah, crap, my daughter must have procreated with a horny god. And he figured it probably wasn't a good idea to kill the son of a god, much less a horny one, so he stuffed Danae and her son Perseus in a box and dropped them in the ocean and was like, gee, I sure hope Poseidon doesn't let them die. It would totally be Poseidon's fault if they drowned in the ocean, right? Are we clear on that? That makes sense. And Zeus was like, oh hey, it's that chick I hooked up with, and he guided their boat to the island of Seraphos where a fisherman found them, and Perseus grew up there. But then the fisherman's extremely overachieving brother Polydectes was the king of the island, and he had the hots for Danae, and he was like, hey, wanna bang? Ew, no. Hey mom, is this guy bothering you? Cause if he is, I'll murder his ass right now. Haha, no, everything's fine, don't worry about it, anyway, bye. And Polydectes realized he needed to get rid of Perseus, so he invited him along with all of his rich friends over to a party, and he was like, hey, guess what guys, I'm gonna get married to Da... not Perseus's mom, yep, that's happening. Oh, congratulations man, here's an electric chariot made of gold as a wedding present. Yeah, and you can have my yacht made out of exotic animal bones. Oh hey, sorry man, I don't have any expensive gifts for you, I was raised by a fisherman, who's also your brother, but like, not a prince for some reason. Oh, don't worry about it, hey, why don't you just go on an extremely dangerous quest to retrieve the head of the Gorgon Medusa? And not come back. Oh, alright, and Perseus left for his quest. Wait a second, who's Medusa, said nobody, but I'll explain it anyway. So Medusa was this smokin' hot snake lady, but then one day Athena caught her hooking up with Poseidon in her temple. And as punishment, she turned her so ugly that anyone who looks at her gets turned into stone. So she went back to live with her two sisters and probably started a lucrative career making and selling lawn ornaments or something. So anyway, as Perseus set on in his adventure, Hermes and Athena showed up and were like, hey, our dad wanted to let you know that you're gonna need to go on a few side quests first to level up your gear, so here's some items to get started. Ah, dope, thanks. First, Perseus needed to visit the Grey, yay, sisters for information. The three of them had only one eye that they had to pass around, so while one was handing it to the other, he swooped in and was like, Ha ha, I got it, oh god, it's wet, I don't know why I didn't expect it to be wet, ew, ew, ew. Let me guess, you want to make us tell you where you can find the nymphs so they can give you the loot you need for your quest. Yes, please, it's looking at me, why is it looking at me? Yeah, okay, so to find them, you're gonna want to go up to the- Uh, actually, could you just put it into my Google Maps? I'm kind of bad with directions, I just follow the GPS everywhere. Ugh, god, I hate zoomers. Aight, kay, thanks, appreciate it. Nyeh, ew, ew, ew, ew. Can I have my turn with the tooth now? So then Perseus went to the nymphs, who gave him a cap of invisibility so he could infiltrate the Gorgon's lair undetected, and also a bag. A magic bag. So Perseus put on the helmet and snuck up on Medusa while she and her sisters were sleeping, using Athena's mirror to guide his killing strike. Huh, that was actually really easy, I didn't even need the invisibility hat for this. Hey, did you just kill our sister? Did you just kill our, uh, mom? Well, this is awkward, bye. So then Perseus went on his way home, but as he was flying over Africa, he noticed something. Wait a second. Oh, hey, nice! I'm so proud. Hey, wanna bang? Oh, hey, that sounds dope, but I'm actually about to get eaten by a giant sea monster. Ah, jeez, that's a pickle, what happened? My dad pissed off Poseidon, you know how it goes. Ooh, yeah, that'll do it. Uh, you know what, hold on a second, I'll be right back. Hey, would it be cool for me to marry your daughter if I kill the giant sea monster that's about to eat her? Uh, yeah, that sounds fine. Tight. Ow, I'm a big sea monster, now I'm dead, blah. And so Perseus married Andromeda, and then he went home to finally deliver his gift to Polydectes. Oh, hey, man, glad to see you're back safe. I wasn't trying to marry your mom or anything. Wait, did you actually get the head of Medusa? Yeah, here you go, man. Oh, oops. So I can be king now, right? And then all of Perseus' problems were pretty much taken care of, so he decided to look for a new passion in life, and joined an ultimate Frisbee team. Wow, I'm really glad I've been able to take the time to stop worrying about my impending death at the hands of my grandson and enjoy watching my favorite semi-obscure low-contact team sport. Ah, stupid monkey's paw! Hey there, fellas, it's Jake. Just wanted to say thanks for watching my video. My next one of these is gonna be on Norse mythology, so people can stop demanding that I do Norse mythology. If that sounds absolutely rad to you and you can't wait to see it, maybe check out my semi-weekly-ish livestreams where I work on my videos for this channel. And, uh, I also make other fun cartoons, usually RWBY fan art or something. I don't know, I'm trash. So yeah, uh, like, comment, subscribe, share, tell your friends, uh, bye.