ATLAS Movie Review **SPOILER ALERT**

That's Nick and that's Joseph and today we're here to talk about Atlas the sixth film directed by Brad Payton, which Netflix released May 24th 2024 do I know a Brad Payton film you do he directed he's probably most notable for some Dwayne the Rock Johnson features including San Andreas Yes, Kylie Minogue is in that one briefly and the rampage and journey to the mysterious island Oh Sorry Brad I did not care for this movie What is it about in a bleak sounding future an AI soldier has determined that the only way to end war is to end humanity bleak sounding What is your pull quote? Jennifer Lopez has the whole world in her hands as a shrill Implausible analyst and a derivative sci-fi flick with subpar CGI that ranks high in artificiality and low on intelligence Mine Mm-hmm. JLo is no Sigourney Weaver. No, and this sure ain't aliens. This film should be called shrill In Elizabeth Taylor story, uh-huh Wow man Let's just start with the the actual story is very basic We're in a time when AI is a big part of our lives And we see that there's an incident where an AI bot played by Simu Liu who's playing Harlan? Go like he becomes like an AI terrorist and decides that Because he's saying his mission like he was programmed to do what's best for Humanity and so he has decided that based on Mankind and the history and what he predicts for the future. The best thing to do is end humanity and start fresh So there's an incident where he and like millions of humans end up dying and I was very confused why But then he decides to flee like he hops on a rocket ship and flees earth and we see him say I'll be back And finish what I started we flash forward 28 years and it's important to know that The woman that the female scientist who created Harlan she had a daughter named Atlas and Atlas was very close with Harlan because she was there during the development of this AI bot so 28 years later, we see that Atlas grew up in to Jennifer Lopez and Jennifer Lopez's character is we're told she's an analyst but she also wants to be like a soldier a ranger and then we also find out that she developed some like Technology that basically created a force field around earth, which is very confusing to me like those three tasks don't all seem like they belong in the same vein, but her mission Is She's wiggled her way into Going to she discovers what planet Harlan has escaped to but we find out it's all the setup like Harlan wanted JLo to go find him Mm-hmm because his plan to destroy humanity is to basically drop like a nuclear bomb on earth, but he can't do it without Taking down the force field JLo developed So he lured her to this planet. He's hiding on To get the secret code so he can poke something in her brain and extract that code which we need to talk about He's successful and then we see that the ship is leaving with a nuclear bomb But of course she's able to take it out and then there's a final showdown with her and Harlan She kills him, but it's important to know that for this movie is two hours and it feels like 40 minutes too long, but an hour of this movie is her trying to sync with This robot a la Pacific Rim. She's one avatar She's resisting the same but she's resisting it because she doesn't trust AI because of what happened to Humanity and her mother because we find out that basically Harlan killed her mother and she feels responsible but She has synced with her robot named Smith And I thought Smith was the best character in the movie like what the voiceover and the writing of this robot and Smith ends up having to like self-destruct in order to save JLo, which I didn't understand we could talk about it But she's obviously rescued and brought back to earth and now everything's back to being great because this AI terrorist is now dead and then we see that she's become a ranger finally and The final scene is her getting into her AI bot and it would appear that the AI inside is Smith Mm-hmm, which I don't know why they're alluding to it. It could just be that Yeah Because why can't the AI's consciousness be uploaded to the cloud and download us this new thing? But they don't give us that to at least give us a satisfying ending They want some ambiguity because you know, otherwise it just seems like dreams do come true, right? but I thought this movie was a big miss like Where to begin? Well, let's begin with her name Atlas from Greek mythology, which you know Atlas Balances the world on his shoulders. That's why and I'm Ryan's Atlas shrugs. That's the meaning of that title But and then Atlas Shepherd Like the Shepherd of humanity it should have been called Atlas Shepherd shrugged or obviously shrill Atlas shrugged but the There's no even like her character development like her name and what she's doing is obvious But like there's no sense of like what her mission is Like we just see that 20 years later this little girl By the way, and I'm not trying to shade JLo like I'd always seems like I am even though she is going on my worst Hairless, which I'm getting to but we find out that when her mother died. She was 11. Mm-hmm. That's when oh boy fleed fled And then 20 years later. So does that mean JLo's character is 39? Apparently, I just think that's silly. There's not a 39 year old woman playing this movie Like she doesn't look 39 and I don't know it's such a specific number What and then it doesn't make sense that her dream is to be a ranger and then when she finally makes ranger We see that all these other soldiers are like young people. They're all in their 20s Well, yeah, JLo's, you know, she she's nearing retirement age, right? So she's a beautiful woman and I'm not in with a great physique, but it's like this is a mature woman It just doesn't make sense. But then since I mentioned it her hair is so confusing to me She's wearing this wig and to be clear the texture the color Beautiful the actual quality of the hair Fantastic, but this wig is sitting on her head in a way that how many times did I say? I don't understand her hairline Mm-hmm It almost looks like a comb over because I've done I've had a few clients back in the day Women who were suffering from a pattern of baldness where it like their hairlines really far back And so what they do is basically a comb over so her character looks like she has a comb over And they're trying to make her look studious. So then I thought oh they give her this raggedy updo and then these glasses if they just I Think casting and how the character is written by Leo Sardarian and Aaron Eli Colite is who wrote the spider-web Chronicles series recently Her behavior does not match her accomplishment. So well, and then it's like so she's supposed to be this brilliant analyst JLo playing this character does not come across as this brilliant analyst who also developed this out-of-this-world Technology to build a force field around earth Nor does she seem like she wants to be a soldier Because all of the action sequences when she lands on this planet and they're being attacked which we're gonna talk about that action sequence She looks scared as hell and doesn't know what to do and is resistant the entire movie She does not act logically No, like do you need to get yourself out of this in this situation, even though it's unpleasant and is going against your beliefs Do what you need to do girl So this character and the actor playing it garbage then the story is so derivative it feels like if you took the creator and mixed it with aliens and Well, yeah a host of other things you I robot like it just there's so many components to it That and they all do it better than this film It has the audacity to bring up Isaac Asimov in the early moments. But yeah almost immediately. It's mimicking Alien slash alien 3 when Sigourney Weaver has to reanimate the head of the end Yeah played by Ian Holm and then again by Lance Henriksen to find out information The cinematography and I'm sure Everyone who worked on this film did the best they could with the constraints they were given but it looks cheap and rushed The first main action sequence when so the the military group or the agency that's going up there. They're called ICN International Coalition of Nations and they're basically protecting the globe from AI Specifically Harlan and whatever he's gonna do. So when they get up there, they're immediately attacked and they're all flying in these mech units that look like Robocop like from alien for like like from aliens or Robocop that other Chappy chappy all the way familiar all those things that action sequence felt like If you took a video game from 15 years ago like a two-player game where there are these robots in the sky and you're just Hitting the keys like this Yeah, it's almost like what cinematography which John Schwartzman serves as the DP who did Armageddon and see this It was so unsatisfying. It was chaotic and I can think of several examples of action sequences that are very busy that work very well because They know how to focus the attention on the main action But then still giving you space to see the little details. Mm-hmm. This little three or four minute sequence is just like pure Shitty chaos Yes with JLo being shrill and Being resistant to what the AI is trying to do because Smith is telling her like listen bitch if you listen to me I can Save you, but she refuses Even when she is plummeting to her death and her I guess the guy running her battalion played like Sterling K Brown He's trying to tell her like you need to sync with your machine so he can save you and she's like no No, all her facial express. It's like a little ass kid She's so pouty and it's real really is the the word of the day or this performance. It is it is taxing Then the story the fact that we spend because it really reminded me of the creator in the sense that we're trying to find This thing related to the thing who invented the AI Yeah But this film feels so long because we literally get an hour of JLo in this mech unit being resistant to getting to know Her mech unit in the endless sinking or linking with the AI which I was thinking that could be a movie on its own Mm-hmm, like this woman It could be a chamber piece of this like, you know astronaut who gets stuck in outer space in this unit and has to sort of Or or like that Alexander Aja film with Melanie Laurent oxygen where she's done Oh, yes, like where it could have we could have just been stuck right in there. That's a good example Yeah, but this one's not that sophisticated. You just have a shrill ass Jennifer Lopez in this machine and it all is green screen So she looks crazy because she's clearly acting to nothing and she it seems she doesn't know where to look and what to do So unsatisfied. Yeah, or and then like that other terrible recent Adam driver movie 65 where there's strangers in a strange land They need to make it to some long distance away to this escape pod Yeah, that is the other kind of thing going on with the narrative. Okay, I'm gonna go through my notes this futuristic world. We're in It reminded I don't think it looks great at all. And it actually reminded me of that JLo movie on Amazon Prime This is me now like that even the building that they work in Looks like the like that glass apartment building. She lives in in that movie Oh And the opening 28 years later when we see the Hollywood sign, did you notice that how it's like this big? I'm confused like the world first of all looks like in 28 years We've advanced a lot and I don't get a sense of like are we in danger in this current world? Or are we just nervous that Harlan might come back? Like they're like there's no sense of the state of the world No, and if you think about like Ridley Scott's Blade Runner and how he made look Futuristic I think 2019, Los Angeles Compared to this computer garbage the Hollywood. I don't know. It's just trash. It's just trash So the way they find out where Harlan is is there's another AI terrorist who's captured named Costco. Mm-hmm and Costco is a known affiliate of Harlem. So of course the ICN is like, oh shit We need to like maybe Costco can figure out where or tell us where because it's Costco's also a I like Maybe they can do something to figure out So that's when they call in JLo because they know that she knows Harlan very well, and she knows these robots But Sterling K Brown doesn't like her because he's like she's a loose cannon She can't even be a ranger because she's like mentally unstable or something. She's anti-social or anti-social But the scene where JLo is interrogating Costco's head Was so corny. The tone is really weird. There's like this odd comedic tone That's only related to JLo and who she's interacting with Specifically Smith, but also the Costco scene that felt really out of place Uh-huh, and she just it seems like she's trying real hard to be serious and badass But any moments where she is are totally Sabotaged by the fact that she's acting like a little kid whenever The AI Smith is challenging her. Mm-hmm, and it just doesn't make sense One thing this film does did do successfully is make me want to try to order a quad Americano because we see her in the first like 15 minutes order or ask the AI to make her a quad Americano like four times So now I want to go to Starbucks and ask if that's like a thing they can make me. Yeah, I'm sure it's really strong Yeah The soldiers seem dumb when JLo first goes to them, right That's didn't mimic the it's the scene in aliens when Sigourney Weaver has to finally step up and what the xenomorphs are to the crew And Jeanette Goldstein goes I only need to know one thing where they are But but these dum-dums they're fighting AI and all of these soldiers these Rangers are like, what do you mean? We have to disconnect from our AI How are you soldiers for the International Coalition of Nations that specifically are trying to keep AI at bay and then this lady comes in who knows a lot about the Thing you're trying to capture and you're like what huh? You just connect you printed this on paper Yes, like yeah, I was so annoyed fools. I was so annoyed the these robocop chappy looking mech units looked so Fake like when you said they look like a like like when a wood tick is filled blood That's in some moments when they're moving. They look so corny and fake. Yeah, it really is a shame God that first scene the first action sequence where JLo's in the mech unit falling to her death after they've been Attacked and she refuses to link. I was just like let her die. Well, it's Your I guess you're just going to expire then I don't know cuz this makes no GD sense why you're behaving this way Someone could make a super cut of just JLo talking to Smith and that would be a fun 30-minute Sequence because she seems insane. Anytime. She has to act panicked or in distress is That that's it some camp classic cinema right there. Then there's a huge deal made about chess We see that JLo likes to play chess at home when she was a little girl. She played chess with Harlan We see her kill Koska the AI by using because her chess pieces are magnetic so she can like destroy the AI with the magnet So we see her even kill him and then she brings a chess piece to this new planet We see her fiddling with the chess piece multiple. There could be a drinking game About seeing this chess piece and even in the end the chess piece falls out We even see Harlan grab the chess piece and give it back to her. So for sure I thought oh She's gonna kill Harlan with the chess piece. No, that's not Harlan dies It's just like what was the point of this chess piece and then it doesn't play any role in the ultimate demise of the main Villain well, except the metaphor that it's the game. You got to play the game But it but again, it's like everything's so obvious and basically the script is just so Remedial to me. Yes, and I just you wonder it and well at one On one hand is nice to see JLo outside of playing a bride in a romantic comedy. That's terrible what she's done several things now or an equally nonsensical Netflix action film the mother and I Don't know. I think she just must be so out of touch that she can't see that this script is caca I think she's out of touch and thinks that these are like roles that are pushing her outside of her, you know Her like safe little boundaries and it's like I think these roles you're taking or making you look the fool The only kind of amusing writing to me and the best parts are Smith. Yeah, I really like the voice actors voice I thought he like because he's supposed to be sarcastic because he senses that JLo's character is sarcastic So there are fun moments like that But there's a point where JLo who again her character is so resistant to linking where she goes No digging around on my personal memories you're a goddamn guest got that and the way she delivered that line or those lines and It made me think that she was like she ad libbed that like that's how she feels about the paparazzi. Oh I don't know there. I think we were just both howling at the street like just Exasperated just like oh god This could have been fun if it were 30 minutes shorter and they really amped up the ridiculousness of this woman Trying to bit. I mean it kind of should have been like an action comedy And maybe it could have worked because you can't take this serious. It's like a legitimate sci-fi movie I don't know because in comedy she does that little girl thing, too I know and and then the personification that the visual of Smith that were cheap her eye is going to when she's addressing him. It looks like this floating ovum. Yes. Oh God, the pacing is like we're told that once JLo's care like after she's attacked and all her compadres are killed She's still not putting two and two together that she was lured there and that they really want her But Smith the AI met the mech unit is telling her I only have a certain percentage of power left. So we don't get you to the rescue site. We're both gonna perish so there's a strict time limit and this script does everything you can to just Like meander about there's a point when she's like first She wants to like spend time grabbing some of the soldiers dog tags Yeah, even though she doesn't know them and they were kind of idiots to her I mean they did save her it is honorable, but it's just like we're on a time crunch Then there's a point when they're just tiptoeing through the tulips Literally and find this plant and Smith the AI bond goes. Oh, this is a new form of you're the first human Human here so like usually the first human gets to name the bullshit and she names these this new flower Planting and it's supposed to be funny then there's a moment at the end when she's been captured by Harlan and he's extracted the secret codes by jamming a needle in her eye, which was kind of gruesome We don't fully see it, but but then her eyes fine But then her eyes fine, but then when he did it to sterling k brown his eyeball was popped out and bleeding so I don't know how that's different, but She only has five minutes of oxygen left and sterling k brown's like you gotta Like here take my link unit, which is like a Bluetooth here earpiece and link with Smith so he can help save you And what does she decide to do? Well, she's not completely Sincerely 93% linked and she needs to be a hundred percent So then we get in the five minutes that she has air left She decides to tell I guess the audience and Smith About why she's so traumatized with the AI and why she doesn't trust anyone and then we see the flashback of how She's the reason Harlan got the technology to link into humans brains and that it's Harlan who's responsible for killing her mother So that's why JLo feels responsible for the death If you were to excise all of the exposition on this script, you would have a half-hour movie This is all it's all like all yeah all laying pipe In the most clunky way possible. It's like there are other ways I'm do that the like the writing is bad because in the very end the only character I felt for was the AI Smith and I did get a little teary-eyed when he basically sacrificed himself but we need to talk about that because he says oh, I only have like I don't have enough energy to get you to the drop-off And I'm programmed to protect and I'm programmed. So my only option is to shut down and give you my oxygen. Mm-hmm. First of all Why does he need to give her like he'd why does why does him giving her his oxygen kill him? He's a robot and also the rescue team comes to the spot where she is with him Mm-hmm, like she's sitting next to this dead robot when the machine comes down So I'm so confused like weren't you at the rescue site and couldn't he have just stayed alive long enough to See her get sent off to safety. I Don't know but at this point she's head over heels in love with Smith and is pounding on his Desiccated carriage for him to stay alive. The movie is so drawn out It is just so drawn out and then the end joke with Who's the guy who's playing her boss Mark Strong? He so then Smith he's dead right like Apparently his consciousness didn't go to the cloud. So in the end now that JLo's arranger and she has a new hairdo Her boss shows up with this big bubble that kind of reminded that movie where people Surrogate the pod generation pod generation. It looked like a conehead I was a hundred percent sure that pod was gonna be like an Alexa with Smith in it Not unlike the movie Megan where Megan's consciousness is in this Alexa type thing No You know was in that pod that damn planty and even her boss go some idiot named it planty and she goes. Well, that was me Because he's supposed to be jokes. Like what why I mean, I know you're just an analyst Atlas But also an analyst like planty This brilliant woman Yeah, I was just really disappointed all the obvious things that could have made this so much more fun and Emotional and like a thrill ride they forego to do I mean, I don't know if it was just like I Didn't bother to read about the production Like did this movie get greenlit because JLo decided to do it and that's why there's a way too much time spent on her It's kind of like a nun was the Halle Berry syndrome a little bit. It's just like you Why are these the scripts you're choosing to do like why are they Is this the point of interest for you? Well, I can be done. What would you give Atlas? I would give it 0.5 it's Mm-hmm. I would have given it higher had it been shorter So maybe we can enjoy the more campy moments, but it just feels so drawn out on top of all the other complaints It's a point five out of five anything else throw it away Join us on patreon and listen to our podcast