If You’re DIVORCED DON'T DATE Until You Hear THIS Relationship Advice!

If you're divorced, don't date until you hear this relationship advice from someone who is divorced. Yes, it is I. After a long-term relationship, breakup, or divorce, you may doubt yourself, feel like a failure, blame yourself, blame your ex, regret ever meeting them, and vow to stay single forever because love inevitably leads to pain. Okay, so you tell yourself the juice isn't worth the squeeze. I get that. Been there, done that. However, maybe loneliness sets in or you long for a cuddle buddy and some of you bravely decide to dip your toe in the dating waters again. In this video, you'll learn what you must do after a long-term relationship breakup before you put yourself back on the dating market again. The mistakes I made that might save you from a future heartbreak. If you're new to my channel, I help men decode modern women so you can find, attract, and keep your keeper or simply have better relationships with women. My videos are for you if you're ready to take control of your love life. This video is actually for men and women. Welcome to Just The Tip. Okay, so I'm divorced and I know firsthand how awful it is. Some people think it's foolish to take relationship advice from a divorced woman, especially advice for men. I get that. I get that. We're taught to take advice from successful people so it totally makes sense. I propose we can also learn from people who have failed at what we want to succeed at if they have learned from their mistakes. The truth is we can learn from people who got it right the first time, those lucky joes, and from those who learned the hard way. Although many of you long for a long-term intimate relationship, you're better to be single than sorry. Do not settle simply to settle down. Now I'm divorced because of the choices I made. Maybe my mistakes can help you avoid a doomed relationship. So take what resonates, leave the rest, and remember we all have blind spots. So let's face it, diving back into the dating pool after a long-term relationship ends, especially if you've had to sign divorce papers, can feel like doing a cannonball into icy water. And it's very cold here today. It's shocking, uncomfortable, and you're not sure you want to swim with the sharks. Before you slap on that cologne and flex your dating muscles, let's take a look at how to avoid a long-term love disaster and post-divorce dating. Don't date until you, one, do your emotional laundry. First off, you got to sort through the emotional laundry. We're talking about unpacking those hefty suitcases of past hurts and regrets and resentments and what-ifs and if-onlys. It's tempting to shove it all to the back of the emotional closet, but no one wants to date someone whose emotional baggage spills out into every word and action. No fun. Example, if you read my memoir, first of all, thank you. You know my dad died when I was 12 or just before I turned 12 and also had some other traumatic experiences that further distorted my trust in men. I met my ex-husband when I was 23 and he was 39. I was an emotionally damaged woman then and definitely needed a father figure. Remember those blind spots. Now most people who are emotionally damaged don't realize it at the time. I made the mistake of going for a father figure before doing my own emotional laundry and my ex made the mistake of going for a hot mess. I was a typical damsel in distress and he ignored the numerous red flags I displayed. We had chemistry and attraction, but our values, beliefs, and goals were no longer in alignment, maybe never were, after I worked on healing my past. Okay, so what can you learn from my mistake? One, chemistry, connection, and attraction are not enough. Two, compatible beliefs, values, and long-term goals are critical. And three, you can't fix or save the other person. Actionable, write down one thing you thought you could fix in your partner that wasn't your responsibility. Two, don't date again until you rediscover who you are solo. Often couples become we the people in everything they do, losing their independence and abandoning activities the other doesn't enjoy. We'll be there. We can't make it. I'll have to check with my other half. Post-breakup, you may feel a bit lost, like a compass without north. This is the time to rediscover who you are when you're not part of a duo. Dive into old hobbies or discover some new ones. If you ever wanted to play the guitar or the piano, well now's the time to learn. You may also discover some of the things you thought you gave up for your partner don't suit you anymore. Or maybe you'll rediscover the joy you had in them. Example, I had a relationship with an extreme extrovert, which was exhausting for me because even though I'm an introvert, I tried to be an extrovert. Note, introversion and shyness are two different things and one does not automatically include the other. So I tried to be someone I wasn't and didn't want to be instead of just embracing who I am and discovering if we were truly compatible. His mistake was thinking introversion was shyness and trying to cure me instead of accepting our differences or conceding that we weren't compatible. Now, in our case, there were several other areas where we were also not compatible. What can you learn from my mistake? Chemistry, connection, and attraction are not enough. Compatible beliefs, values, and long-term goals are critical. And three, you must accept your partner as is, where is. Actionable. Write down what you value based on what you regretfully sacrificed in your past relationship. This journey of self-discovery will not only boost your confidence in yourself but also attract someone who loves you for you. That's what you want. Number three, don't date again until you understand what went wrong. Okay, so this is the part that might sting a little but it's essential. Take a hard look at your previous relationship to understand what went wrong. Not just where your partner messed up but where you did as well. Key point, it's not all one person's fault. The fact is you chose that person. I know. Taking responsibility where you can in any area of your life is empowering. Keywords, responsibility, where you can, empowering. Were there communication issues? If so, how did you contribute? Did you speak different love languages? If so, what do you need to look for in your next potential partner? Do you have the same love languages or can you learn to give and receive love in your partner's preferred love language? For example, my primary love languages are physical affection and quality time. After my divorce, I dated a man who felt extremely uncomfortable with physical touch unless we were getting jiggy with it. Even though I told him I need non-sexual touch outside the bedroom, he wouldn't or couldn't provide that and I felt a constant rejection because of that lack. On the other hand, I dated another man who also didn't like physical touch but he made an effort for me. Despite trying to make both of those relationships work, both ended because neither were right for me nor I for them because our value systems didn't align. Sometimes it's not about the other person being wrong but being wrong for you. What can you learn from my mistake? 1. Chemistry, connection, and attraction are not enough. 2. Compatible beliefs, values, and long-term goals are critical. 3. Understanding what went wrong includes being accountable. Okay, so I had to move indoors because it's really cold outside and windy and noisy and I'm now in a restaurant waiting for mussels. Not like mussels on a man, but mussels in a bowl. Oh my goodness, so anyways, let's get back to actionables. So, actionable, write down what went wrong in your last relationship so you can take responsibility for that thing that you can. Understanding these pitfalls can prevent history from repeating itself. Plus, taking responsibility and being accountable shows potential partners that you're self-aware and committed to growth. Yay! Okay, so do you want to be with someone who blames everyone else and can't admit where they went wrong? Exactly. Next one up, don't date until you... 4. Date for the right reasons. You're hitting the dating scene because of something she asks or because you're lonely, you might want to hit the brakes. Dating for the wrong reasons is like going to grocery shopping when you're hungry, which is what I would be doing right now. Make impulsive, unhealthy choices. Example, part of the reason my ex-husband and I broke up was because I wanted the option to have children and he was done with his daddy days. After we split up, I was on a mission to find a man with strong swimmers. The first guy I met after the divorce fit the bill and because I was in my mental 830s, the clock was ticking. I tried to rush the relationship so we could get to baby making stat. Meanwhile, he simply wanted to practice. Our goals were not in alignment. What you can learn from my mistakes, you guessed it, number one, chemistry, connection, and attraction are not what? That's right, they're not enough. Also, number two, compatible beliefs, values, and long-term goals are what? Critical. Number three, dating for the wrong reasons won't be the lasting love. Actionable. Write down why you want to date, what you're looking for, and what you're not looking for. Make sure you're ready to share your life with someone because you want to, not because you feel like you have to, are desperately lonely, or uncomfortable being single. By the way, if you're finding value in this video, please give it a like and consider subscribing, and thank you so much for your super thanks and donations. Thank you very peas. We'll look at the top tip in a moment, but first let's look at single parents dating, and then the important bonus tip. Number five, don't date until you embrace the journey. Dating is a journey, not a sprint to the finish line. Enjoy getting to know new people without expectations, romantic or otherwise, and experience new things with curiosity. You'll feel way better for it as you contemplate what went wrong and right with your ex. Try to be honest about it without oversharing with new partners early on. The more air time you give your past, the less likely you're ready to be in another relationship, and your dates will want to switch to another station. Remember, every date doesn't have to lead to a relationship, and that's okay. It's all part of the adventure. Example, I was a serial monogamous. Yes, I was. Every time I went through a breakup, I'd sob in my pillow for a few days, feeling sorry for myself, and then instead of evaluating what I was doing wrong, I moved on to the next, thank you, relationship with Neria Breeder in V-Twixt. It wasn't until I realized I was the common denominator that I took a pause to figure out what I was doing wrong. Okay, so anyways, at first, I was frustrated and impatient working on my emotional healing and self-development, and like all of you, I wanted instant results. Of course, don't we all, right? So now I know a lot about psychology and relationships, but I still continue to seek out new information because I don't know what I don't know. Oh, do I have anything on my teeth? Okay, so anyways, I'm still not perfect, and I believe in progress, not perfection. So what can you learn from my mistake? Did you guess? Right, chemistry, connection, and attraction are not enough. Compatible beliefs, values, and long-term goals are critical. Love is uncertain, but you can learn to enjoy the journey. Okay, so here's an actionable. Right now, one thing you learn about your breakup you can be heartfelt grateful for today. Keywords, heartfelt, no bitterness. Maybe it's your children, which brings us to single parents dating again. And then a critical bonus tip. So the age of your children and your custody arrangement will determine how much they're going to influence your dating life. If you're lucky enough to have an amicable relationship with your ex, rare but possible, this is a positive for you, your children, and your dating life. Reality land. There are more childless women willing to date single dads with dependent children than there are childless men willing to date single mothers with dependent children, young ones. The main reason is children of divorces often live mostly with their mothers, and many men have a very natural aversion to raising another man's child. Regardless, whichever parent has primary custody of their children, the package deal comes at a higher cost to their dating life. That's just reality. Now a note about dating single moms. Whether or not a man has children or wants children, they must decide if he's willing to expand his dating options by including single moms and taking on the burden of someone else's children. Now I know that word triggered some few parents. Many of you, even though they're your own children, know that children do come at a high cost with a ton of responsibility. Yet if you have them, you want the person you date to love and value them just like you do. Reality land. No one can love your children like you do. This is simply something to be aware of. Now men and women will learn a lot by watching my videos, linked at the end, wherever, on dating single mothers. Don't judge before you watch those. As well, regardless of your age or parental status, you may be concerned about protecting your assets, especially if you got shafted by your ex, which is why the bonus tip is essential. Bonus. Get better, not bitter. If you don't like the opposite sex because of your experience with your ex, that will totally come across in everything you think, say, and do. You'll scare away the good ones, and worse, you'll attract the throwbacks, only to repeat the same cycle and strengthen your bias against the opposite sex. Whoa. Re-entering the dating world post-divorce or long-term breakup can feel daunting for sure, but armed with the right mindset and advice, it can also be an exhilarating new chapter for you. You're not looking for love, you're looking for the right love. So take your time, do your emotional homework, and when you're ready, step back into the dating scene with confidence. The right woman will appreciate the man who took the time to get it mostly right. Gentlemen, if you need help figuring out what you need in a partner, it's not what you think or you would have got right the first time, well, to become the kind of man who attracts your ideal mate without compromising yourself, you're going to want to get my Wake Up To Love program and do the work. Fair warning, there is a lot of work. Some of it is uncomfortable, but growth occurs when we step out of our comfort zone. To learn more about it, there's a link in the pinned comment and the video show notes. Sending you buckets of love, heart-healing love. Thanks for being here. God bless.