8 Signs You're Being Used, Not Loved

is it love or are you just a useful tool it's a terrible question to ask but a truth we should all know how to look out for admit it we're not perfect and sometimes we can be blindsided by love are you the only one who gives time and emotion or are you only thinking that way right now because you're upset are you asking them for too much or are they truly ignoring you to help you answer these questions let's look to see if you're in a Love Shack or a toolbox number one disinterest what was that I wasn't listening does talking to them feel like you're talking to a wall maybe you said you were hungry and got uh-huh and nothing else so you ended up eating alone if you feel like they don't know anything about you and aren't even interested in knowing about you especially if they could be replaced by an abduct like a flower pot that says aha once in a while that's most definitely not love if you have a partner who suddenly stops caring about this simple day-to-day things this is also another form of disinterest that warrants a closer look ask yourself are you being loved or are you just a placeholder labeled partner number two when expectations go supernova nuclear the legendary word Smith William Shakespeare even said expectation is the root of all heartache sure we have some expectation Basics that are essential like basic chores or being able to discuss matters calmly and that's good red flag time is when those expectations become weirdly unattainable and never good enough to the resentment of your partner it can feel like they're expecting you to be some sort of wizard magically able to produce whatever fancy they can think of this demonstrates their distorted understanding of other people reality and their own part in the relationship you're human not a fictional character number three boundaries they see no stinking boundaries have your loved ones trampled over a boundary they've clearly delineated time and time again perhaps you let it go once or twice because they laughed it off as hey just try this thing it'll be fun or don't be so hurt it was just a joke looking back though you realize you've already told them several times seriously I tried it I don't like this and it's not a joke yet they still shrug and steamroll on in the same fashion they deemed their desire worth your degradation silence is being equivocated as agreement so you'll have to speak up if after a confrontation the response is still come on it's not a big deal or you don't really care about me you're not a person you're a tool number four the relationship feels one-sided and imbalanced the most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway Henry Boyle all relationships have their own Dynamics the give and take may not be 50 50 and in fact rarely is though cleanly evenly split going back and forth over time at the heart of it though there is still both a give and take from all parties in the relationship so if the dynamic feels like only one partner is doing all the things whilst the other sits back and merely reacts to what is handed to them it's not a relationship it's a master and servant look out for imbalance and goals as well if they're affectionate enough but are disinterested or even annoyed when the future is brought up number five everyone and everything owes them one does not get something for nothing and yet this person seems to expect exactly that you hear them rant about owed privileges recognition and rewards yet you know they haven't done a single thing to earn them if you're with someone like that chances are they believe that this is how relationships work too just for the honor of being with them you're expected to love them and do anything and everything they desire without them lifting a finger to give love back number six relationships are meant to grow evolve and mature you may settle on a type of Rhythm but you're always finding a renewed hope and pleasure in your time together if the relationship doesn't even reach that point or stays immature start to question what exactly is happening after over a decade of living together and you've been trying to discuss marriage with someone since year two if on your 11th anniversary you get a little promise ring it's time to have a serious sit down If instead of growing and maturing you find that it's only their bad habits rubbing off on you and you're learning nothing they might simply be keeping you stagnant so they have an excuse to not grow either number seven navigating a Minefield is easier than talking to them can you talk to your partner about anything or is it more likely that your comment means the spikes come out and they go Defcon 1 on you if you share of frustration about the relationship and they dismiss your feelings maybe even claiming you're defective in some way or that you're too sensitive what they're really saying is I don't want to take accountability for anything they're using you as the scapegoat for all their poor behaviors enabling their ongoing lack of effort in maturing and number eight they act differently behind closed doors this one is distressing because your friends and family think this person is so wonderful so good for you because in front of them this person is wonderful to you your family and friends just can't imagine that once the door to your home closes your wonderful partner whips off the facade revealing the condescending dismissive overly critical Goblin underneath you're being used as a prop in public this jekyllhyde partner is using you to enhance their self-esteem by boosting their Public Image if you feel used it's worth the time to analyze why you feel that way it might be due to a transient moment or bad day but it could also be a signal for you to care for yourself and look at repeated Behavior if you do come to the conclusion that you're being used perhaps speak with your partner about it and pay careful attention to what happens next is it a misunderstanding are they remorseful have you noticed something you're doing yourself relationships are a very complex dance but remember it's always between individuals not a person and a tool did any of these remind you of something or someone do you recognize any of these points feel free to discuss and share catch you next time