These Asian Traditions NEED To Be Stopped!

what are some Asian Traditions that you've decided to let die with you what an interesting question and what a dramatic phrasing uh we're talking about a viral Reddit thread today from Asian-American Reddit long story short you know these are some things that people were very unhappy with that happen to them as a child and they want to let these Traditions die with them joining us today to discuss is a social media consultant influencer what else Nelson young appreciate you guys having me on the show I this is a very triggering subject but I'm ready yeah I mean long story short it was written by a Bengali American oh it was a girl I believe she was born to Bengali and Indian parents and she says the number one thing I'm going to let die is comparing my kids achievements to other kids growing up my mom was in a contest with other New Jersey Indian moms basically to see whose kids were achieving the most it was so toxic it was so hard it's ruined our relationships and guess what I still feel some type of way about it in my 30s wow all all right so everybody uh actually in the comment section gave their things that they want to let die as in things they don't like about traditional Asian culture that they will not carry on this is not a positive list this is indeed a list of things that they don't like but once one thing that they probably will like is smalla sauce our very own finishing oil sechan truffle made in America check it out on the Instagram uh right now at smalla sauce but yeah everybody please hit that like button as we go through this and hopefully you can also comment down below other aspects of Asian culture that you don't like let's be clear here though this girl did say that she ended up going to an Ivy League school to appease her mom her mom was able to defeat all the other New Jersey Indian moms but she clearly is very unhappy about it do you see this kids who who did it and achieved the you know the Accolade or the achievement that their High expectation parent has but they're like still like very bent out of shape and resentful of it 100% I mean I think you know I I just think that there's just so much pressure especially from immigrant parents you know they want a better lives for their kids than they had themselves it's a lot of pressure and I think in that Spirit of comparison you know it's it's just bad news you know either way I don't I just think that's super no I think to defend the parents they were going to be like well you see the results you got the results it happens of got like I'm quite uh I would have take the outcome it's but that's that's I'm sorry but again I would do it again I believe that I believe that no so you're saying that you would think that her Indian mom will accept this strained relationship because she won the game of what her yeah but it seems like the daughter is very do you think the I wonder if the the the truth is the daughter would go and be the state school kid and pass the ivy league Accolade on to somebody else though well seems like you've won but at what cost yeah so I guess it kind of comes down to uh are the parents this is a really funny question are the parents willing to take the result over having a good relationship with their kids kid long term um I think it varies parent per parent right like but I'll tell you this if you were one of the hardcore ivy league parents where it's like the parents were they they just drove you out of the most unlikeliest probabilities to that level I think they will take it because they got the outcome I think so you know I think it's you know the the ends justify the means I think and that's a very very typical mindset but I don't think it's right because I think that that's still layered in years of trauma you know and and that kind of stuff takes a while to unravel so real quick before we go into the comments section because there are a lot of things that people would let die even down to like Confucianism and taism anyways what are some things real quick that you would let die that you're not going to raise your kid with let's go go for it I would say probably buying really low quality items you know I mean sometimes Dollar Store items I know dollar stores like barely even exist in society anymore but I think there's like you know there's what Amazon right just get like you know there's a good cheap items on Amazon that are highly rated that have been verified by thousands and thousands of purchases stop buying horribly cheap horribly made cheap items and just go one notch up still find an affordable item but way better quality but how about this one guys and I think we could all agree with this despite our own personal interest and skin in the game valuing the sons over the daughters oh yeah yeah I hate that that is that's the worst that's the worst man it's perpetuating you know that misogyny it's it's no good yeah no I mean when I heard my that our oldest sister kind of felt that growing up when I grew up I felt really bad I had no idea really that that was happing because it was it wasn't our family wasn't the worst at it but they did it a little bit yeah I believe that I mean I'm I have two sisters I'm the middle child you know sometimes I could feel that pressure but sometimes I could feel that um that slight Advantage where I feel I could feel that preferential treatment heavy ways the Prince I I mean a little bit of right I mean but it's not it's not good when you get older you it can strain the relationship at least for a while between you and your sister for no reason and you're just like I don't know what I did yeah but it depends on how tapped they are into like the family life you know what I mean like you know some people's gaze is like very family Centric but other people's Gaz is more into the American pop cultural Society uh hoarding things wrapping your remote whack of course obviously nowadays do you think that sometimes asian-americans like they should mix and match right realistically they should mix and match things and I think it's important identify what you want to practical but I think you know that's what I was you know bringing up I just think that me I'm really curious about the origins of that mentality of like preserving stuff whether that is not even taking off the wrapper off your your TV and you've had that TV for 5 years or you know keeping your couch covered or you know um wrapping your remote in Saran Wrap like where's that mentality I know maybe maybe it goes back to preserving vegetables man I'm just saying we eat a lot of preserved veggies I mean I believe that too but I just think you just got to use it enjoy it like these are these are just material possessions right right sort of like the nice glass wear that sits up in the cupboard for a special occasion that'll never come right yeah or that bottle of you know EXO or something like that that's you know they they you know end up breaking out every couple years but yeah I think it's important uh let's get into the comment section so we can see and then we'll also talk about some other things that maybe we should keep but uh these are things that people want to get rid of somebody said I stopped encouraging my kids by belittling them because they felt like obviously being Asian there's a lot of negative reinforcement to uh get certain behavioral outcomes from Kid yeah yeah um didn't you say Your sister is like a psychologist right yeah she is she would not encourage typical negative reinforcement Asian parenting right highly doubt that basically is modern American psychology basically against almost like 80% of the way that like Asian parents rais needs to have like a clinical like family psychologist in yeah like an Asian one that they got raised the old school way but learned the new school way oh yeah um somebody said Confucianism and dosm I'm too American for that and it is an improper system for the modern world I thought this one was hilarious I mean I think to Chuck everything from Confucianism and dosm I think you can pick and choose whatever fits your life but you're not wrong if you feel like that Confucianism does not work in your life in the western world in America then yeah your choice I always tell people man a lot of people they try to rank puzzle pieces is puzzle piece D better than puzzle piece e they're just it's about fitman do the puzzle pieces is fit it's not really about like ranking the puzzle pieces cuz they're all important to the making the puzzle but does the undertone of Confucianism and taism kind of also make us who we are as Asians that's part of it too I I think so for all the pros and cons to be honest probably as the economically on a macro level median statistics have been good but also getting picked on probably in perpetuity socially um somebody said my husband and I didn't do a t ceremony my family didn't receive a dowy the groom's family didn't pay for the wedding what do you guys think about doing away with all these you know Dow re imp old things from the the the 500 years ago I think every marriage and every every relationship is a bit different I think communicating those things it's really important some you know some families might value those Traditions a lot more than others so I think it's just worthwhile to just be respectful and have those conversations Andrew you're doing the dowy no um the age hierarchy my mom is black and my dad is Chinese and both cultures have that exact age thing they basically both raised me to believe that Elder means atically smarter and more respectable I'm stomping that out quick you're more respectable when you're more respectable not because you're older okay now I think a lot of people use the age thing because it's simple and easy and obviously plays into the older the elders system right but if you're raising your kids how do they know that you're respectful as a parent and that they have to respect you because it's not about the age and power thing right it might be action speak louder than words in that situation all right yeah I would say it obviously it depends like you should be have a minimum Baseline respect but you don't need to provide extreme respect to people just because they're older if they don't haven't earned or they're not acting in a respectable manner themselves especially it's America is a very variable Society well then this person is going to have to really teach their kid on how to read respectability They're going to have to be able to see it so that's complicated but yeah I can agree yeah Nuance reads are always better but like you said you need more apparatus and way more coaching and [ __ ] some capacities yeah somebody said if I ever had children I'm not going to force them to follow a path in life that just makes them not want to live a life that isn't their own and heavily resent their parents from their dreams don't want to be a doctor engineer lawyer Etc okay I'll support you and whatever you want to be in life yeah I feel like this is fair but this always comes with caveats right like I would say I can imagine as a parent I'm going to want my kid to pursue what they're good at and what they're passionate about and what is positive I feel like too many parents are like no I want my kid to be happy and just make all the decisions that I'm like well what if your kid wants to be like this like that's clearly just not a practical thing to become you know what I mean so I feel like in my opinion be happy but with kind of limitations I think like information and wisdom is going to be a big part of that right like and I think as parents and as and people you surround yourself with when you're making these career decisions or decisions as far as going to school what you're going to study you just have to be around wisdom you got to be around information right you just got to make those better informed decision ision this guy said I will admit my mistakes and apologize to my kid when I do wrong and not let my pride as a parent or elder get in the way obviously they're indicating that they were raised without their parents uh apologizing for mistakes sure yeah I do think uh apologizing the right way and acknowledging when you are a parent and you're wrong to your kid can actually go a long way it actually can build respect I agree she also said uh my kid will learn about her Heritage through the lens of good as well as the bad and she can choose choose as much or as little as she wants to embrace rather than getting preached Heritage as all just good I like that I like that's interesting all Heritage is good uh yeah definitely some people are holding on to the old ways that their parents and grandparents do things even when it's probably not a good idea right this uh Filipino American mom said uh for me money and Prestige of work will just be a bonus for her like cherry on the top you know toppings on top of the ice cream not required I just want her to be happy strong and safe I could feel that though I could feel that though man it's so tough to even say that though like I almost feel like it's like Asian parents will be like I want them to feel happy strong and safe but I still want them to be accomplished because you know there're so like beaten into you over so many I got ask amongst us do you guys feel at all a little bit of that feeling where you even though we're American it's like nah I'm not going to just let my kid do whatever they want want like I'm going to still have because you don't want the Apple to roll too far from the tree from your you feel right you still want to you you I still feel like in my head at least that I'm going to be a little strict that's how I imagine think that we have this desire to be excellent and that's not a bad trait but the question is how are you going to make that happen right and I think we all know too there's ways we need to fix the previous generations parenting methods but there's also you know letting a kid do whatever they want's not going to work either they can't be parented by an iPad right and they can't be parented you can't just leave it up to the school system either that's that's a huge disadvantage yeah no I mean it's like saying you're a basketball coach and you're training your kids too hard the the right method is not to just train them too soft immediately right like you can't just oscillate between uh two extremes on a pendulum scale that's a good way to put it we all still imagine our kids to be excellent that's a good point um somebody said I'm a parent and I'm open realistic with my kids about the world around them I'm Vietnamese and my mom never talked about sex relationships romantic friends or work feeling selfworth or social expectations with me it was always do your schoolwork and that's it I encourage my kids to explore try new things build relationships with the people around them and that success and happiness come in many different forms and other people were agreeing with them saying that man dating and sex is the number one thing that's most awkward for my Indian parents and I just feel like this person was saying that Hinduism created the karma sutra but then British people made uh Indians feel bad about it and now it's one of the most sex negative cultures switching over from one of the most sex positive cultures due to colonialism and all this stuff I was like oh interes very interesting stuff I didn't know about all that but it makes sense see I can see that yeah so I guess um yeah how about what about dating and uh like people really hate that a lot of Asian cultures whether it was through ancient culture the tumultuous recent Wars or cultural turmoil or it was just the experience of needing to survive in the west they were very very non coaching about sex and relationships I just think it's it's there there is like a a thin line between when's the right time to talk about those things but at the same time I think parents it it's like I don't know I I grew up without any type of sex ad especially with my parents I think they felt too awkward and I think there was a lot of Shame involved and I don't think it was their fault I think that's just how they grew up but on the other hand I don't know I might be basically the equivalent of a remote control that's wrapped up in San rap I mean it's it's like I feel like a personally I've been a late bloomer in a lot of ways um but I think a lot of that's because my parents didn't Broach those topics and I had a like learn it through other means right and I just think you know I just think our parents maybe just didn't have that themselves and yeah yeah this girl said that the advice she got from her mom when she said that she was having a hard time dating was well you're fat and you don't work at Mackenzie that's why nobody wants you terrible that is horribly funny though that is hilarious that is hilarious I'm sorry I feel bad for them and the mom shouldn't have done that but that's funny ter um somebody said fighting and sneaking to pay the check at a restaurant I would like to effing relax and enjoy my meal thanks not constantly be waiting for the opportunities slip the wait or my credit card and then I got to keep track over months and however long I had who paid last time F that just split the dang check or take turns all right they hate fighting for the bill I thought there why is he saying take turns I mean how how do we feel about do we go to split the check Nelson when you're with your friends I IE I would prefer to preserve that aspect of of Asian culture um I think that if you were to look at it from the lens of generosity but once again you have to be on the same page with your friends otherwise it's always going to you're going to start resenting you're going to start having system is going to break down yeah so I think communication is a big deal with this I think it has to do with how big the bill is if if the bill is like 30 40 bucks a person it's I feel it's don't even track it yeah of course big things where people was ordering King Louie and all this stuff yeah definitely we split in that it also depends on how many people what's the I would say the unwritten rule is like if you took them out and I let's say Nelson like I needed help from you for something you're my friend but I did want your like help with something and I yo can I take you to lunch obviously that's going to be on me it matters what industry you're in right because if you're all like uh small business guys you there may be Goodwill aspect right exactly I think that uh people who deal in the business World whether it's corporate business or owning your own business you understand the idea of networking with a meal and all this stuff and it's not because you're always trying to squeeze something out of a friend it's just it's just a nice thing to do it's kind of like hey I'll see you again right you got me next time cool but yeah I agree man I think like those aspects of respect and those aspects of generosity once again with the right intention those are really good traits you know whether that's like you know growing up going to a family members or a a relative's home you know greeting everybody calling them aunt and uncle right and and saying goodbye to everybody goodbye to everyone and saying you know Mama sick all this kind of stuff all the all the the trit sayings but those things are actually good I feel like do you still you say m sick like like slow down don't eat too fast I do with my aunts and uncles if I remember to but but not you if we were eating together no but I would say though I would definitely be conscientious of things like your table manners and you're conscientious of of hosting and having that mentality but I I have to check that myself sometimes you know thinking about I got invited to a friend's house for a dinner party I'm not going to come empty and the reason why I think that is a lot of people come in now with an entitlement or they've lost that aspect of of um Hospitality yeah no that's a good point too I think that man a lot of people are like oh I don't want my kids to say have to say goodbye to all the elders and relatives and uncles in each one but I'm like why not it is but it's like it kind of makes us who we are too and it makes us different from I guess a baseline Hollywood American TV family or like high schoolers or whatever and I don't know part of me thinks that a lot of these people Andrew are just vocalizing this thing cuz they were unhappy with their childhood don't blame it on the fact that you had to say bye to everybody but I could see if you didn't like your uncle and your aunties and you didn't like how they was treating you or you whatever the perception or the versus the reality then you would fault it but I could see if you really love your aunts and your uncles why wouldn't you want to respect them and GRE uh say goodbye to them let me let me bring up this point though um I do think though the the Lost Art of generosity and that lost art of treating people that lost art of of Hosting whether it's hosting your own home if we think about our previous generations yeah inflation aside right man those are costly it's not just costly financially I can't even imagine you know um some of the bills my uncles and aunts and my dad and whatever my grandparents like picked up like they they had to be you know if you're going to pay the bill of a 20 person some or or a formal dinner I mean that's got to be in the thousands at times right and so like that's a and when you look back sometimes you're like man I'm actually that age when those aunts and uncles were treating or covering these bills um and they did it without complaint and they did it without they did it without any sort of second thought and I think it's like it's not just costly and then when you're hosting dinner parties at home or you're hosting family it's it's also um costly as far as effort right and and like in just in terms of time effort those things that that those are really good qualities but but you know at the same time like you said there's also a Unwritten responsibility of the host to do a good job you have things for your guest you're going to you're going to treat them you have food for them you can't hey guys I'm hosting a dinner party have like two Entre and not enough food and sometimes there's you're judged on that performance exactly or you're judged on how generous of a host you are but I don't even think this whole thing is necessarily Asian culture hosting dinners that's like I feel like the way we host dinners or you would imagine it in the west is based off of like how Western people should host dinners technically but I'm just still think it's driven by different motivations out like like the outcomes may be the same but the the just it's different yeah I believe that yeah um this person was saying that um you know they always got compared to some kids growing up and they never felt like they could achieve it and their their friend's daughter Diana was so smart she went to Ivy Le School became a doctor but guess what now Diana doesn't even talk to her parents anymore and me and my brother weren't the highest Achievers but we take care of my dad because my dad came across a health issue and now he's so grateful for us cuz we're in his life and even though Diana became a doctor and went to a Ivy League school she's not even in her parents life anymore because how hard they pushed her and prodded her she has resentment for them so she goes so how do uh how does my parents feel about that now cuz I'm taking care of them yeah that's pretty funny I mean it's it's a funny way to justify and rationalize like I get I don't want to say underachievement but not achieving as well hey get it though because you know what different life can go so many different ways and I don't think all parents are the same and obviously one parent really really wanted a certain life for their kid and pushed them to the point of resentment and one parent was a little bit more chill and created happy helpful loving kids and that is that's how it's probably going to go if you made me say probability wise that makes sense right um somebody said having my the culture tradition of having my dad name our kids I'm not letting my dad name our kids that's funny yeah um I think one way around this is like at least in Chinese culture it's like the the the the grandfather could do like or the dad could do the the Chinese names but not the English name and not make the English name a Chinese name because you're right that that might complicate somebody's upbringing yeah I agree I would have my dad come up with the Chinese name for sure which he he is doing for our nephews yeah I mean this one was just talking about how Asian societies are so unforgiving towards Mistakes One minor mistake at home or work and you get yelled at the shaming um all the academic achievements all the times I got yelled at for not being able to do Math workbooks at the highest level or like not giving giving like getting a and stuff like that and being made like feel uh very small or very like low for something that other kids would get praised for oh yeah you know you get a B+ why did you get a B right your your white classmates hey we're going to get an ice cream cake cuz you got a B+ like it is different right when you see that and you're just like you're like some it breaks some kids right I got to say for asian-americans man the big advantage that we have is that we have choices to make and it's like hey we get to be a little strict and carry over a little bit of that shaming that we went through but we're going to have the eyes and the vision to see when it's really breaking our kid down when our parents didn't really have those goggles on they didn't have the night VIs Vision to see what was going on we're going to have the better Vision so if you want to be strict you're at least equipped with that EQ to scan your kid and be like okay you know what I'm I'm going I'm reaching my limit right now with my kid I should tone it down for him W versus we didn't have that it was just toppling on top on top on top you know that that that stereotypical push for Asian parents to put their kids through music and like piano classes and lessons and all what your what's your stance on all that I because it's very expensive man I don't like it just because I just think it's outmoded you know a lot of Victorian era like French Marie Antoinette things or britishy things from the fencing and things like that equestrian I I get why because especially if you're from Hong Kong or you know a former Colony that had a lot of contact with the West with a lot of elite Western people in the 18 or 1900s you're so impacted by that uh but I I don't like it I would be curious if parents these days should instead put those funds into instead of Music tutoring if that's not going to be their profession in the future or if it's not going to build any type of learning skills into I don't know coding classes or like something practical down line I don't know but that's still pretty Asian the coding I don't know it's a good skill if your kid has right a love for it all kids should learn a code at at least a probably two or three out of 10 level because it's a modern skill set but yeah I mean I just think it just depends on um what world I'm not into the cello and all the classical I would say it was weird for parents who didn't even have a lot of money to spend the money on a musical class for their kid for several years when you don't even want that kid to go professionally right that's what I'm that is weird that's a weird investment I get why because the parents usually grow up thinking that classical music is the top tier music right it's not pop music it's not rock music it's classical music the kid will learn a lot of things I'm like you're better off putting them into tennis or golf if you want them to benefit their careers right so that they can Network or they might go pro you never know yeah exactly and it's like but how going pro in an instrument is like not like like 5% make like a living very rare yeah very rare especially in how Sports Centric America is versus like America's whole thing was rebelling against those Victorian cultures that the British and the French had yeah you know what I mean so it's almost like Asian parents cuz they so tapped into Old School bethoven culture they like trying to go back to it but America was trying to go against I definitely think a lot of it is posturing among the families and my kid is this level and piano and this and that but I just think it's one it's super costly it's super timec consuming there's probably a lot of commuting like it's a labor of love and I just think it's outmoded um somebody said you know for me I was so unhappy with my upbringing being the first born child in America I'm purposely choosing to not have kids at all and I'm choosing to end my stem Of The Bloodline with me dang he didn't say yo I'm going to let Asian Traditions die I'm just going to let my bloodline die I feel bad for that man I feel bad for that but that's a real situation I know some people who feel actually the same way too of course it's a variance right somebody said uh philiopiety is only as good as the capability of your elders if your elders are incapable then why do they deserve any philiopiety someone said victimhood there's a lot of unintended victimhood in a lot of Asians in the older generation even those from the homelands um failures shortcut to success but a lot of people have a fear of failure but you need to fail up that's a very Western concept Eastern people don't necessarily understand failing up and just do what brings you peace be around people who bring you peace somebody said I'm strictly avoiding seed oils if my family refuses to keep cooking with seed oils then I'm then I'm out very specific somebody said uh I don't like being overly superstitious I don't see what's so bad about sticking your chopsticks and your rice that you hit your kid over it also why is opening a umbrella indoors worth screaming at a kid for obviously I'm assuming this person got hit for sticking their Chopsticks in their bowl of rice probably if you got hit for opening an umbrella indoors other than spraying water everywhere if it was wet yeah I don't I that that's a rough childhood I don't think you should stick the Chopsticks in the rice though I it just looks unco I don't know yeah I don't know I would say if you ever got smacked for sticking your chopsticks in the rice and it's supposed to look like intense you know make sure to like and comment on this video like putting your shoes on in the house you know what I mean like it is it's not the same as putting the shoes on I don't like it I don't like to let the I don't know for me I'm against it I'm I'm with the old ways yeah one traditional it might not be necessarily just Superstition I think a lot of that's just also being respectful no it is weird in your food no you don't do that with steak you don't stick a fork in the steak hey hey man the steak look at the steak the density of the steak is allowing the fork to stay ver um that's good somebody just said focus on on practicality over happiness I don't like it and not being friends with the kids I want to be friends with my kids and somebody just said you know what I hated growing up especially amongst nille Rich Indians and likely other Asians they'll spend on a lot of money on a big house in a fancy car but then still be cutting corners on other aspects of their spending and I always hated that and that bothered me because you're only worrying about the status e things and cutting corners on other aspects of life that make life unfun unjoy it's super relatable by the way yeah that is that is I've definitely seen it I'm not saying it's 100 out of 100 Asian families ultimately what do you think what any any of these that really stuck with you or you know I think like I think this might be another video but I think the filial piety and you know hey if that's something you know if you have a relative or father or whatever that doesn't deserve that why give it I think respect and I think philiopiety in a lot of ways I just think it's it's it's tainted by a lot of misogyny and by a lot of things that are bad with with the Asian culture but I feel like it is our job to be self-aware and I think it's our job to to chat about this and have conversations like we're having right now and pick and choose what you want to bring On to the Next Generation so I think this is such a great topic and I think we should dive into it more but I mean everything from when I when I look at it the things that kind of come down to respect respect for our culture respect for history yet and have a level head around like what's practical those are the things I want to keep and keep going with yeah I agree I guess my major takeaway is like as much as think about what you want to delete think about what you want to add in there in that void I like that cuz you can't you can't just be like always hating everything but it it is better to spend three four times the amount of energy studying families whether that's documentaries or good parenting workshops or classes like as much as it is important to delete these things out of your memory or remember that you're repelled by them you really got to study families that you do like and that's one thing I learned I think to be honest I think Jewish Americans do a really great job of um encouraging their kids to chase success without being too authoritarian about it more authoritative guiding them lighting the Fire Within instead of sticking the fire on the butt yeah yeah yeah all right everybody let us know what you think about all these Asian Traditions what are some Asian Traditions that you would let die that you're going to drop that you're not going to carry on um so let us know in the comments down below shout out to Nelson check out his links down below and check out SMA sauce at smile sauce.com from search h of Sicily could be a new family Asian tradition that you want to keep until next time we out peace peace