why I chose to live rural - my financial struggle

Hello sweet souls, it's really good to see you again. There is so much happening here, all at the same time. Moving into this little off-grid cabin, I thought I was finally building the life I always dreamt about. Living independently, among nature, away from the busy superficial world. I really thought I had it all checked, that everything was under control. But unfortunately, it is not. It's the same for everyone, right? You start to settle in your life, it feels like nothing's moving forward, la routine, and all of a sudden, everything falls apart. And your entire world, your daily reality, is shifting, shifting to the daunting and terrifying realm of the unknown. It's been exactly one year since I started to work for myself. Before that, I can hardly recall being once as scared as I am today. Living on my savings could only last for a while anyways. When starting this self-employed journey, I knew I needed to quickly find a way to make money on my own. But this small financial backup I had in the bank was enough to keep worries at bay. I feel lost and kind of disgusted about this whole financial system, this financial hole. I don't yet have the resources to buy a land and build my self-sufficient home, so unless I decide to go and be a nun for the rest of my life, I will always need to find a way to afford a living. Fact. I really loved my job back then. Being a masseuse, I was helping people to feel better, and that's all that really matters at the time. Through my work, I had the chance to travel and work in different countries. I used to work for luxurious spas. The five stars world was so reassuring. But back then, I was an employee, offering my entire time to a superior. I needed a change. Independence and freedom were calling my name. For the past year, I've been concentrating all my efforts into building this self-employed business. But actually, what I had in mind at first was so different. Making money for yourself, remotely on your own, is everything but easy. This is probably the hardest choice I have ever made in my entire life. I have to face it. I gotta be honest with myself. I can't keep on wandering through life, hoping for the best and hoping for money to fall from the sky. I need a plan. An actual, well-thought and working plan. Okay, so here and now, my only purpose is to help the world and to help people find their own light. The only thing I want is to find a way to bring more peace into people's hearts and to be able to afford a living at the same time. So what are my resources today? What can I create in this pursuit? What can I bring to the world? How can I help people to heal and find their own purpose in life? I never dared to show and talk about my healing skills and actually that goes beyond what I can physically do with my hands. I actually even have been trained for it and I got an energy healer certification. Working with this life force that is present in all things, energy, is what saved me and I deeply believe it can save anyone. I'm sure you've heard of the impostor syndrome. High chances are that you actually experienced having this syndrome before. This feeling that your achievements are not real or that you don't deserve praise or success. I always feel like I'm not good enough, like everything I do needs to be absolutely perfect before I can put it out there in the world. But if I keep on doing that, if I keep on striving for more knowledge, more value, more perfection, then nothing will ever happen. Because nothing in this world is perfect, especially not people, even the most skilled people. There is no need to be an expert. There is no need to be a head chef to cook something tasty. As long as what you do can bring a positive outcome, this is already highly valuable and enough for you to start, to start believing in yourself. Time and experience will do the rest. So here I am, 26 years old, a few hundred euros on my bank account. I'm petrified. But I got hope. I want to believe in myself. I start to believe in myself. I start to recognize the worth of everything I've created in my life so far. I so deeply want this to happen. I'm not giving myself another option than succeeding. I will reach this goal because I decided it. And I'll do absolutely everything it takes to get there. I am very much capable of making my dreams come true. So are you, my friend. You are already good enough. And you are very much allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress, simultaneously. Come on, set your voice on fire, make your dreams come true. Allez viens, on y va.