Psikologi Individual Adler: Apa akar dari Kesepian itu? Bagaimana Agar Bisa Keluar dari Kesepian?

Greetings to all. Welcome to Mata Ketiga in the category of Mata Ketiga philosophy. In this video, we will discuss the problem of loneliness according to Adler and how to get out of that loneliness. There is an international scale of loneliness circulating on the internet that divides someone's loneliness into 10 levels as follows. 1. To the supermarket alone 2. To the fast food restaurant alone 3. To the cafe alone 4. Watch your own movie 5. Eat your own hotpot 6. Go to your own karaoke place 7. Go to the beach alone 8. Go to your own amusement park 9. Move to your own house 10. Go to your own hospital for surgery If so, how high will you be able to stand? Why do people feel lonely? Is being alone something good or bad for them? Greetings to all viewers of Setia Mata Ketiga. Today, we will review a book entitled Masque of Loneliness by Alfred Adler. Regarding the statement earlier, there may be those who say all that I have done, I am a lonely person and I am able to withstand loneliness. But what we need to clarify is being alone and feeling lonely are two different things. Eating alone, walking alone with everyday life does not mean feeling lonely. There are people who are relatively good at being alone. Someone who really feels lonely, afraid of socializing, self-closing, does not want to communicate with others, and cannot have a normal interpersonal relationship with others. Loneliness like this is dangerous because self-closing in the long run will decrease someone's mental health and happiness will also decrease. So, how do we get out of this loneliness? The author of this book is an Austrian psychologist, Alfred Adler, who is known as one of the three great psychologists together with Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. Adler had worked with Freud for some time. But recently, due to differences in views with Freud, the two finally separated. Then, Adler developed his own individual psychology. This book is the essence of Adler's thinking. In the book, Adler describes in detail the causes of loneliness and gives guidance to get out of loneliness. Next, we will divide this book into three parts to explain the essence of the book. First, let's first understand how loneliness is defined in Adler's psychology. Second, let's understand the cause of loneliness. And lastly, let's see how to get out of loneliness. After reading this book, I'm sure you will have a new understanding of loneliness. Learn to open up, develop a harmonious interpersonal relationship with others and get out of loneliness. What is real loneliness? Adler said as he asked. As we discussed earlier, being alone does not mean loneliness. There is a difference between loneliness and being alone. Being alone is also beneficial for us. For example, you have been working all day and when you go home after work, you may want to relax for a while while lying on the sofa and do not want to deal with excessive social life. Therefore, if a friend calls and asks you to go out together, in your heart you may reject him. Therefore, when you live alone or eat hotpot and shop alone, you will not necessarily feel lonely. Then, what is loneliness really like? Adler suggested a definition like this. Behind loneliness is hostility towards many people. We can understand this sentence like this. If you do not feel there is a problem when doing something alone, on the contrary, you feel very free, then you are not lonely. But if someone is forced or forced to do something alone because he cannot find someone he can trust to work with him, then such a person is a lonely person. It means he forms an obstacle in himself, separating himself from others. Therefore, he cannot get into the community and build a relationship with others. As a simple example, for example, criminals, alcohol addicts and depressed people are actually people who are very lonely in their hearts. Social phobia. Good people and simple people are actually lonely people too. Although at first glance they are not dangerous to others and the community, but in their hearts they are actually always hostile to others and cannot build a relationship with others. For example, simple people at work who are oppressed prefer to take care of themselves and are not afraid to refuse their colleagues' requests. Because they are afraid that if they refuse, their colleagues will hate and discriminate against them. They consider the people around them as fools. As long as there is someone who threatens them, they will feel lonely in their hearts. Therefore, not only those who live alone are called recluse or living alone. Loneliness in the middle of the crowd is even more reclusive or closed. The real loneliness, according to Adler, is the inability to socialize and build a cooperative relationship with others. This form of loneliness, even though it is in the middle of the crowd all day, it still feels strange to the team and the community. Why does someone feel lonely? People who live alone are people who cannot build a cooperative relationship with others. So if we want to find a drug that can fight loneliness, we must first find the root of that loneliness. Why does someone feel lonely? According to Adler, because someone has various negative emotions from that loneliness, the root of all this lies in a low self-esteem. In other words, loneliness is caused by a low self-esteem. Here Adler specifically emphasizes that everyone has a low self-esteem and that is a very normal emotion. We can understand the inferiority complex like this, that is, someone's dissatisfaction with their condition and because they feel dissatisfied, so we want to cover that deficiency, to pursue superiority, to cover up and achieve an ideal state. For example, social psychologist Elliot Aronson grew up in the shadow of his brother. His brother is smart and popular in the eyes of the family, while Aronson is very stupid and stubborn. Even though he is under the influence of his brother, Aronson is very sensitive and low self-esteem. He uses his inferiority complex as a driving force, works hard to pursue superiority, wants to make himself as great as his brother, until finally he becomes a great social psychologist. Or more precisely, all civilizations develop on the basis of the inferiority complex. Precisely because humans feel their own stupidity and full of hope for the future, they will work hard to explore nature and the universe until the science of knowledge is born and developed. Because of this, we can conclude that every step taken by humans is actually to overcome the inferiority complex and pursue superiority. Both complement each other and be a driving force for humans to overcome themselves. Up to this point, maybe there are those who think it's stupid again. Because logically, having a low self-esteem is not a bad thing. On the contrary, it can be a catalyst for growth and hard work. How can loneliness have anything to do with it? This is because a low self-esteem can make us try hard and keep fighting to achieve superiority. However, on the contrary, excessive low self-esteem will make us deviate from its direction leading to inferiority and superiority complexes. It is precisely because of these two complexes that prevent us from developing a relationship with others so that we feel lonely. The inferiority complex and the superiority complex are important concepts in the individual psychology of Alfred Adler. Inferiority complex is an abnormal psychological condition. It means that when someone faces a problem, he does not believe that he has the ability to overcome it leading to a rage reaction by lowering himself. For example, Susan, a depressed patient, thinks that she cannot find a job because of her depression. Then she feels low and does not look for a job. This is a typical inferiority complex mindset. However, people with low self-esteem who are healthy will try their best to cover their shortcomings. For example, curing their depression by practicing hard talking and trying hard to accumulate the skills needed for self-preparation to find a job. On the contrary, Susan does not have the courage to change. She thinks that when she looks for a job, other people will find out about her depression. So it is better not to look for a job. Cover yourself in her narrow world. As a result, Susan becomes more afraid of being in a relationship with the outside world. Thus, she will feel more lonely. After explaining the inferiority complex, let's also understand what the superiority complex is. It is also an abnormal psychological condition that refers to someone who acts as if he is very superior so that he is immersed in a feeling of total superiority to cover his incompetence and inferiority. For example, Susan who is depressed feels low because of her depression while she cannot accept her incompetence. So she says to herself, if I am not depressed, I can definitely get a good job. On this basis, she also imagines a great career woman in a job without depression and gets a sense of superiority from her. However, in everyday life, the current condition of Susan remains the same. She is still not brave enough to talk to the community and look for a job. The sense of superiority she has is all there is. She just lies to herself. Another example, in our daily lives, there are people like this. They may be relatively poor when they were young. They always feel lower in their social status. Therefore, to cover their low self-esteem, they will look for money no matter what as long as they can make money. And once they have money, what they want to do is show off. For example, they will chase all kinds of luxury goods and always wear various branded shoes. As much as they want to be known, they really want people all over the world to know that they are rich to show that their existence is special. Think about it for a moment. Someone who always wants to show off will certainly not be able to maintain a relationship that is equal to that of others. So she will not be able to harmoniously talk to the community. And there is no need to be surprised if a person like this will feel lonely mentally. From the above example, we can see that although the inferiority complex and the superiority complex are two opposing words, but both are closely related. Someone with an inferiority complex which is because they cannot stand their inferiority complex and their own inability, then pretends to be superior by chasing the feeling of total superiority. Therefore, basically, the superiority complex is the inferiority complex that is increased and is a method used by people with an inferiority complex to avoid difficulties. In addition, these two complexes will cause someone not to be able to really talk to the community and maintain a relationship that is equal to that of others. So people like this will feel lonely. Next, you may want to ask, why are there people who can use their inferiority complex to hide themselves? On the contrary, there are people who cover themselves because of their inferiority complex and become lonely. Here we need to learn one key word, social feeling. What is social feeling? This refers to someone's desire to build a relationship with others and a desire to work together. Edward said that humans are born with a social feeling. Because humans do not have the physical strength of lions and orangutans, they also do not have the ability to defend themselves from other animals. This characteristic determines that humans must fight the cruel external environment through social cooperation and use collective strength to cover up their weaknesses. Therefore, someone who has a mature social feeling will know how to care for others, build a relationship with others and when faced with difficulties can always solve it in a way that does not harm the interests of others. On the contrary, those who do not have a social feeling cannot integrate into society and build a relationship with others. They always focus on themselves and never care about others. So, it is not surprising if people like that feel lonely. Then, why are there people with a good social feeling while there are also people with a poor social feeling? According to Edler, this is mainly related to the advice of adults around him. The film Frontier of the Class is adapted from the real experience of Brad Cohen, a motivational speaker, teacher, school teacher and American writer who has severe Tourette syndrome. In the film, actor Cohen suffers from Tourette syndrome, which is a disorder in the nervous system that causes sudden movements called tics. This tic cannot be controlled by those who suffer from this syndrome. This syndrome often occurs during childhood and is more often experienced by boys. Since childhood, friends at Cohen's school always laughed at his strange voice. While the teacher criticized him for deliberately disturbing the students who were in class and categorized him as a naughty student. Even his father was disappointed and was ashamed to have a child like him. The father finally chose to divorce Mrs. Cohen. Try to imagine what his life would be like if no one guided him. Fortunately, there are two survivors in Cohen's life. One is his mother and the other is the head of Cohen's primary school. Mrs. Cohen never neglects Cohen. She always wants Cohen to fully contribute to the community. She brings Cohen to the doctor and brings him to the organization together. And in the organization, there are many people with the same disease as Cohen. The whole group is full of atmosphere to avoid the community. Mrs. Cohen does not want him to take sides in the community and remove him from the organization. Recently, Cohen was moved to another school. And in this new school, Cohen met another survivor in his life, namely the head of the school. In a school concert, Cohen, who sits under the stage, continues to make strange voices. After the concert ended, the head of the school called Cohen to the stage and he told people that the strange voices of Cohen were caused by the disease outside his control. The head of the school then asked him what should be done by other people to be able to help him. Cohen was shocked because all this time people have always laughed at him and considered him a monster. But now, he did not expect that there were people willing to help him. Cohen was a bit surprised and told them not to look at him with strange eyes. After getting off the stage, Cohen continued to make strange voices. But this time, everyone clapped their hands to cheer him up and for the first time Cohen felt the comfort of the community towards him. This made him determined to become a great teacher like the head of the school when he grew up and later to encourage more children who experienced similar symptoms. The guidance of Mrs. Cohen and the push of the head of the school made Cohen have a strong social feeling. Although after growing up, Cohen repeatedly felt disappointed when interviewed because of his illness, but he still did not give up until he finally found a job as a teacher and started his career as a teacher. So, how to overcome loneliness? The way out of loneliness and the most basic way to overcome loneliness is by realizing one thing that what we need to change is our own goal. What does it mean? Another core idea of Edler's psychologist is teleology. According to Edler, what determines someone's behavior is not their past experience but their future goal. From here it can be seen that what we need to do to get out of loneliness is to realize that what needs to be changed is our own goal. As long as the goal changes, the mental condition and behavior will change accordingly. So you may ask, what kind of goal is meaningful and worthy of being pursued? In Edler's view, as long as our goal can reflect a sufficient social feeling, it is a meaningful goal. Guided by such a goal, our behavior may not be biased. Regarding interpersonal relationships, Edler emphasizes in his work that the meaning of interpersonal communication lies in the realization of self-worth. Only those who understand this can actively pay attention to other people and develop a relationship with other people. The goal of superiority that we are looking for must also be based on this. For example, Monica is a kind-hearted person at work. She responds to every request from her co-workers. Do the co-workers ask her to do her P.P.T. or other tasks? She will always take care of those tasks. For this reason, she often works late to meet her co-workers' needs. However, she always feels alienated from the people in the company and there are no co-workers in the company who can be talked to. So she feels very lonely. From Monica's case, we can see that her goal is to get other people's approval. So her behavior is to serve that goal. Although she will finish the work for other co-workers, her behavior is not self-realization. Because her main goal is for others to know her. So if Monica really wants to get out of loneliness, she must change her original goal and combine her new goal with a sense of togetherness. If you are in the same situation as Monica, you can rearrange your goal to give your talent at work and your behavior will change accordingly. When you face difficulties, you can ask for your co-workers' help because you are in a relationship with other people and you no longer see them as enemies. When you work, you no longer think about whether you can be recognized by others, but whether others will benefit from your work. For example, when you make a PPT, you can consider what kind of PPT can convey information better and whether others can understand the logical structure of your PPT. When you learn to work with others at work and show your self-worth, you will naturally be recognized by others. In short, the most basic way to get out of loneliness is by realizing that what we need to change is the goal. When we have this awareness, we can rearrange our goals, connect our goals with others in society, work with others and contribute to others. In the process, our actions are not only beneficial to others, but also develop ourselves. Change begins by setting a goal. At the end of the video, let's summarize a few topics above. First, let's understand what loneliness is. Doing something alone does not mean being lonely. Loneliness actually means not being able to integrate into society, not being able to establish a working relationship with others. Second, we have understood why someone feels loneliness is due to low self-esteem. Low self-esteem at a normal level can make someone encourage themselves to continue to improve themselves and improve themselves. On the contrary, a strong low self-esteem can cause inferiority complex and superiority complex in someone. Will someone go down the path of self-indulgence because of low self-esteem? Or does the path of loneliness depend on whether that person has a mature social feeling? People with a strong social feeling can actively integrate into society and establish a working relationship with others. On the contrary, people with a low social feeling only care about themselves cannot integrate well into society and establish a harmonious relationship with others. Finally, once we know how to get out of loneliness, first of all, we need to realize that what we need to change is our goal. Second, we need to set a goal that can reflect our mature social feeling. When you can have a good relationship with others and grow in your relationship with others, then you can live a valuable life even though you are always alone in various activities. So, set a meaningful goal for yourself and work with others. That's it for this video. Thank you for watching Mata Ketiga. 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