Le Grand Show de L'humour : Anne Roumanoff - La bouchère "Relancer sa vie sexuelle"

Among the humourists who prefer French, there is the lady in red, of course, whom you see almost every Sunday on the show. She often comes to talk to us about her mouth, and her mouth has a libido that worries her. Here is Anne Roumanoff. With Jean-Claude, we've been together for 35 years, and it's not easy. Before, we understood each other without talking, then we talked without understanding each other, and now we understand that we don't talk to each other anymore. Well, we say that sex helps to support the rest, but for us, at the level of sex, there are only remains. At the level of sex, it's not like that anymore. Well, men, at a certain age, are like iPhone batteries. It suddenly falls flat, and then it's slow to recharge. Yet, we make efforts to try to restart the machine. I scratch his back, he falls asleep. We play erotic games, I hide the remote control. He must find it. In the supermarket, I even bought the Durex wild pleasure gel. It's a translucent, sticky pink paste, it warms you up everywhere you spread it. But like Jean-Claude Ivoirien, he brushed his teeth with it. He inflamed his gums. He yelled for eight days. In addition, he had a tooth that didn't hold well. He lost a tooth, it cost an arm, it wasn't the worst. Otherwise, on a nasty website, we ordered a bandeau, you put it on your eyes, and it multiplies the erotic sensations. Well, Jean-Claude wanted to put it on my mouth so that I would shut up. Otherwise, I had seen in a movie, they sandwiched the body with melted chocolate. Well, yes, but me, Jean-Claude has cholesterol, so... I took proactive gold fruit. For the chocolatey taste, I sprinkled it with Nesquik. He yelled, oh, it slips. I feel like a chocolate truffle that jumps an uncooked potato. No, but that's why I decided to deal with it myself. I was on the Internet, on a site of geolocalized adult-to-adult meetings. I created a discreet email address that Jean-Claude had no doubt about, vergeture.nadoo.fr. I filled in my profile sheet, and I had to find a pseudonym. And my friends who know each other told me, Françoise, it has to make you want to do it, but it has to represent you. It's not easy, so I proposed Sexygener in Jacher. They told me, it represents you well, but it doesn't make you want to do it at all. Well, I said, I don't know, find it yourself. They told me, Françoise, you're dynamic. Well, I said, yes. So they found Foufou in Electric. The success of the pseudonym, you have no idea. I received 28 messages in 48 hours. I was asked to send my picture 28 times. I sent the picture 28 times. 28 times, no answer. Because I don't look good in pictures. Not in real life either, but in pictures less than in real life. The third day, I stopped sending the picture, and that's when I sympathized with Etalon Sauvage. We started to warm up, and at one point I said, Etalon Sauvage, send me your picture signed Foufou in Electric. He sent me his picture to be geo-localized. It was geo-localized. It was my cheese. Etalon Sauvage, as far as I know him well, he holds more of the pony in captivity. Fortunately, I knew it was him. He never knew it was me. But I wasn't able to go back and buy cheese there. I didn't see myself coming. 200 grams of Roquefort and Etalon Sauvage. With the big twin looking at me from behind the box. No, that's why I talked to Jean-Claude. I said, Jean-Claude, you're going to have to put yours in there, I'm going to put mine in there, we're going to put each other's in there. I said, we're going to try to stop blaming each other all the time. He said, OK, but what are we going to talk about? I said, Jean-Claude, you have to surprise me. And I'm happy, he's making an effort. You know, love is in the process. Sometimes, he puts rose petals on the beds. He did the same to me. Well, to be surprised, I was surprised. He hadn't removed the petals. Then he told me, we're going to watch a porn video, it's going to boost libido. It depressed me. When you see what exists, because you have it. No, I'm happy now, because for my birthday, he gave me a nice surprise. He ordered Viagra in China, in discreet packaging. I was afraid it was counterfeit. Not at all, on the contrary. They have to, in these countries. Often, they have little kids. But unbelievable, he blew my head off on the nightstand. He said, Jean-Claude, stop it! I've passed the age of the hammer. You're never happy. When it doesn't work, you scream. When it works too much, you scream too. Come on, let's go back to it. Wait, let me breathe a little. What do you want me to do? I'm not going to put it behind my ear. No, I don't know. I'm going to put it under cold water. Otherwise, think of your mother. At 2 o'clock in the morning, I was so tired of being shaken like a plum. I go to the kitchen to drink a glass of water. I eat a clove of garlic. I come back to Jean-Claude. I do this. Always look at you. Oh no, but the night we spent buffet garni involuntarily. He took me apart like a piece of furniture. But in the morning, to get out of bed, I was in spare parts. There were muscles that hadn't worked for long. Well, there were some, I didn't even know they existed. In addition, I had the little children to look after. So... Grandma did some aqua biking. To be calm, the remaining pills, I mixed them discreetly with the cat's paw. We didn't see each other for eight days. No, but I thought about it. For the moment, I'm going to stay with Jean-Claude because he's the one on earth who knows me the most. And above all, it's with him that I swear the best.