The Mayor of Casterbridge by Thomas Hardy - Chapter 2/45 (read by Bruce Pirie)

II. The morning sun was streaming through the crevices of the canvas when the man awoke. A warm glow pervaded the whole atmosphere of the marquee, and a single big blue fly buzzed musically round and round it. Besides the buzz of the fly, there was not a sound. He looked about, at the benches, at the table supported by trestles, at his basket of tools, at the stove where the firmity had been boiled, at the empty basins, at some shed grains of wheat, at the corks which dotted the grassy floor. Among the odds and ends he discerned a little shining object and picked it up. It was his wife's ring. A confused picture of the events of the previous evening seemed to come back to him, and he thrust his hand into his breast pocket. A rustling revealed the sailor's bank-notes thrust carelessly in. This second verification of his dim memories was enough. He knew now they were not dreams. He remained seated, looking on the ground for some time. I must get out of this as soon as I can, he said deliberately at last, with the air of one who could not catch his thoughts without pronouncing them. She's gone, to be sure she is, gone with that sailor who bought her, and little Elizabeth Jane. We walked here, and I had the firmity, and rum in it, and sold her. Yes, that's what happened, and here am I. Now what am I to do? Am I sober enough to walk, I wonder? He stood up, found that he was in fairly good condition for progress, unencumbered. Next he shouldered his tool-basket, and found he could carry it. Then lifting the tent-door, he emerged into the open air. Here the man looked around with gloomy curiosity. The freshness of the September morning inspired and braced him as he stood. He and his family had been weary when they arrived the night before, and they had observed but little of the place, so that he now beheld it as a new thing. It exhibited itself as the top of an open down, bounded on one extreme by a plantation, and approached by a winding road. At the bottom stood the village which lent its name to the upland and the annual fair that was held thereon. The spot stretched downward into valleys and onward to other uplands, dotted with barrows and trenched with the remains of prehistoric forts. The whole scene lay under the rays of a newly risen sun, which had not as yet dried a single blade of the heavily dewed grass, whereon the shadows of the yellow and red vans were projected far away, those thrown by the fellow of each wheel being elongated in shape to the orbit of a comet. All the gypsies and showmen who had remained on the ground lay snug within their carts and tents, or wrapped in horse-cloths under them, and were silent and still as death, with the exception of an occasional snore that revealed their presence. But the seven sleepers had a dog, and dogs of the mysterious breeds that vagrants own that are as much like cats as dogs, and as much like foxes as cats, also lay about here. A little one started up under one of the carts, barked as a matter of principle, and quickly lay down again. He was the only positive spectator of the hay-tressers' exit from the waden fair-field. This seemed to accord with his desire. He went on in silent thought, unheeding the yellow hammers which flitted about the hedges with straws in their bills, the crowns of the mushrooms, and the tinkling of local sheep-bells, whose wearer had had the good fortune not to be included in the fair. When he reached a lane a good mile from the scene of the previous evening, the man pitched his basket and leant upon a gate. A difficult problem or two occupied his mind. Did I tell my name to anybody last night, or didn't I tell my name? He said to himself, and at last concluded that he did not. His general demeanour was enough to show how he was surprised and nettled that his wife had taken him so literally. As much could be seen in his face, and in the way he nibbled a straw which he pulled from the hedge. He knew that she must have been somewhat excited to do this. Moreover, she must have believed that there was some sort of binding force in the transaction. On this latter point he felt almost certain, knowing her freedom from levity of character and the extreme simplicity of her intellect. There may, too, have been enough recklessness and resentment beneath her ordinary placidity to make her stifle any momentary doubts. On a previous occasion, when he had declared, during a fuddle, that he would dispose of her as he had done, she had replied that she would not hear him say that many times more before it happened, in the resigned tones of a fatalist. "'Yet she knows I am not in my senses when I do that,' he exclaimed. "'Well, I must walk about till I find her, seize her. Why didn't she know better than to bring me into this disgrace?' he roared out. "'She wasn't queer if I was.' "'Tis like Susan to show such idiotic simplicity. Meek! that meekness has done me more harm than the bitterest temper. When he was calmer he turned to his original conviction, that he must somehow find her and his little Elizabeth Jane, and put up with the shame as best he could. It was of his own making, and he ought to bear it. But first he resolved to register an oath, a greater oath than he had ever sworn before, and to do it properly he required a fit place and imagery, for there was something fetishistic in this man's beliefs. He shouldered his basket and moved on, casting his eyes inquisitively round upon the landscape as he walked, and at the distance of three or four miles perceived the roofs of a village and the tower of a church. He instantly made towards the latter object. The village was quite still, it being that motionless hour of rustic daily life which fills the interval between the departure of the field-laborers to their work and the rising of their wives and daughters to prepare the breakfast for their return. Hence he reached the church without observation, and, the door being only latched, he entered. The hay-trusser deposited his basket by the font, went up the nave till he reached the altar-rails, and, opening the gate, entered the sacrarium, where he seemed to feel a sense of the strangeness for a moment. Then he knelt upon the foot-pace. Dropping his head upon the clamped book which lay on the communion-table, he said aloud, I, Michael Henshard, on this morning of the 16th of September, do take an oath before God here in this solemn place, that I will avoid all strong liquors for the space of twenty-one years to come, being a year for every year that I have lived. And this I swear upon the book before me, and may I be struck dumb, blind, and helpless if I break this my oath. When he had said it and kissed the big book, the hay-trusser arose, and seemed relieved at having made a start in a new direction. While standing in the porch a moment, he saw a thick jet of wood-smoke suddenly start up from the red chimney of a cottage near, and knew that the occupant had just lit her fire. He went round to the door, and the housewife agreed to prepare him some breakfast for a trifling payment, which was done. Then he started on the search for his wife and child. The perplexing nature of the undertaking became apparent soon enough. Though he examined and inquired, and walked hither and thither day after day, no such characters as those he described had anywhere been seen since the evening of the fair. To add to the difficulty, he could gain no sound of the sailor's name. As money was short with him, he decided, after some hesitation, to spend the sailor's money in the prosecution of this search, but it was equally in vain. The truth was that a certain shyness of revealing his conduct prevented Michael Henshard from following up the investigation with the loud hue and cry such a pursuit demanded to render it effectual. And it was probably for this reason that he obtained no clue, though everything was done by him that did not involve an explanation of the circumstances under which he had lost her. Weeks counted up to months, and still he searched on, maintaining himself by small jobs of work in the intervals. By this time he had arrived at a seaport, and there he derived intelligence that persons answering somewhat to his description had emigrated a little time before. Then he said he would search no longer, and that he would go and settle in the district which he had had for some time in his mind. Next day he started, journeying south-westward, and did not pause, except for night's lodgings, till he reached the town of Casterbridge, in a far distant part of Wessex.