mein Drogen Horrortrip mit Influencern

Hello, hello, my loves and a very warm welcome to this new podcast episode here. I am so happy that you are all here again today and that we have the opportunity to spend a few wonderful minutes together. You know, we have Wednesday, 1 to 4 p.m., which means life is delicious and I hope that you don't do anything else every Wednesday at 4 p.m. than wait for my podcast. No joke. You have to write to me via Instagram, by the way, I am so interested in when you always listen to my podcasts. I always ask people on the street, when they talk to me like that and I get said super often, which is really one of the most beautiful compliments for me is, oh my god, I love your podcast, I love your podcast so much and then I'm always like honey, stop, that's so cute, that's always my absolute favorite compliment that I get. And then I sometimes ask people, when do you actually listen to my podcast? I think that's so super interesting because I'm such a podcast listener when I clean up, I listen to a lot of podcasts to fall asleep, I think a lot of people listen to my podcast maybe to fall asleep, so if you're just about to fall asleep, then sleep, little child, sleep. Huh? That was so random right now, but a lot of you are probably listening to my podcast when you fall asleep or on your way to work, on your way to school or something. In any case, write to me, I find that super interesting. And yes, I've already announced it a bit on Instagram, the topic we're talking about today, and I really notice how I've been getting out of my comfort zone lately . So you know, I'm a very, very public person and I'm also very, very transparent online and I already tell a lot of crazy things that should actually stay private and above all, whenever I tell people like that, friends, family or something like that, yes, I want to talk about this and that topic, they are like, oh, oh, oh, oh, I don't know, it's kind of a bit private, are you sure you want to talk about it? And then I'm like, yes, I have to talk about it, I want to talk about it and I notice how I just feel more and more comfortable talking about really crazy, spicy things and that's why the podcast topic for this episode today. So today we're just talking about my first time smoking grass and that's really a topic that has followed me very strongly throughout my entire youth and this experience has followed me to this day because it has simply burdened me very, very much for a super long time and has done it very well. And you know, I'm just the most boring teenager or young adult you can imagine at all. I'm 19 years old, I've been really drunk once in my life and otherwise I'm just afraid of alcohol. It sounds so crazy, but I'm just afraid of drinking alcohol and this fear of alcohol actually has something to do with my first experience with grass that I ever had because I just smoked grass first and then got in touch with alcohol a little bit because my first time smoking grass was just a coincidence. I would never have wanted it to happen that I would first just consume something like that and then experience these, in quotation marks, normal things. So I want to say very briefly at this point, I don't think much of, no matter what kind of substance, whether it's alcohol, whether it's grass, whether it's I don't know what, I personally am absolutely not a fan of, no matter what, things that put you in a better mood or a worse mood or whatever. I personally am absolutely not a fan of all that stuff, so I'm having a hard time with it now, so to speak. I only did that before I tried the normal thing like alcohol. I think both are shit, but the thing is, everyone has their own opinion on it and I don't want to say with this podcast episode, by the way, oh my god, you are all so disgusting if you do that or blah, blah, blah. Everyone is their own person and everyone has to decide for themselves what is right and wrong, but I think it's incredibly important. I think it's incredibly important to listen to different stories and maybe to hear experiences from people in order to get an expanded picture of things like grass, for example. By the way, I keep saying grass because I'm not sure if I'm even allowed to call the other terms or if it's like, I don't know, blocked or something. That's why I keep saying grass smoking, don't be surprised. But before I tell you how it came about that I accidentally consumed drugs, I'll give you a little bit of the big picture, so that you're really in the matter. You know, I've been doing social media for a very, very long time and as an influencer, you're invited to a lot of events. And I must have been 14 when I was invited to an event. And you have to imagine, events are always a little longer. So you had one or two overnight stays in some hotel and of course there are a lot of other influencers. And depending on which influencer you get along with so well, you go into the room, usually, just a little bit with your friends. And as I said, I was 14 at the time and I had a small group with whom I got along really well. And accordingly, I was in the room with one person from this group and the others were a bit on the same level as us. So all together in the same hotel. And in the evening I was in the hotel with the influencer I was in the room with and we chatted a little bit. Everything was very relaxed and then a friend joined in. That was actually an influencer too. And then the three of us were there. And we sat on the bed, we chatted a little bit, just a few cute little teenager things. As I said, I was 14, I think my girlfriend was also 14 or 15. And then the three of us sat there and then one influencer pulled out a vape. Or you call it E-Shisha, somehow this stuff where a lot of steam comes out of your mouth. And I was 14 years old, I wanted to be a little cool, I wanted to belong and that looked so cool with him. And I was like, hey, can I put it on too? And the girl who was there, as I said, also 14, she was also like, oh my god, yes, that smells so good, that looks so cool. So we're allowed to pull and stuff. And I think, to be honest, I've also pulled E-cigarettes and stuff before, or Shisha or something. Yes, no idea, I don't think anything of it anymore these days. But we just thought it was a little cool. And then he said to us, you can pull on it, but there's something in it. And we were like, everything is clear. We both looked at each other and we laughed and we were like, you probably put something in there. So we've known this person for a long time and we were like, he would never do something like that. We didn't believe him at all. And the thing is, since he's been pulling on this wave for a while, I think he's already a little bit, let's say, fogged up and that's why he laughed a little bit the whole time. So it seemed as if he was saying to us, hey, but don't pull on it because there's something in there. Hahaha, as a joke. We just thought he was having fun with us. We just didn't believe him. So we take this thing, we pull on it very often, we had the fun of our lives. It also tasted a little, I don't know, fruity and stuff. We thought, everything is fine, he's just kidding us. As I said, we all pulled on it a lot and then we just laid down on the bed and watched the pun show. I remember exactly, it was late in the evening, it felt like nothing was going on on TV, and then we watched the pun show. And then, it's so crazy, I just remember nothing for 20 or 30 minutes. For the first and last time in my life, I had a complete film rip. I don't know what happened after that, the 20, 30 minutes, it's all black for me. I can't remember anything. In retrospect, our friend, from whom the rape was also told by us, that we just lay on the bed for 20 minutes and laughed our asses off about this oopsie pun show that was going on. I can't remember a single second of it. I don't remember laughing, I don't remember anything that was going on on TV. Complete blackout. And then I remember exactly, I came to me again when I was on my cell phone and I was just about to write a message and I remember exactly, I wrote I love you, and that went to my ex-boyfriend, with whom I am now together again. Back then I wanted to write to him, I love you. And then this message suddenly disappeared from my eyes and I woke up in such a trance. So I wrote this I love you, while I had this blackout. And then my cell phone suddenly disappeared and I woke up and saw that I wanted to write this message and from then on the worst experience I've ever had in my life started. From then on it really, really started when I came to consciousness. I wish I could give you exactly how it all felt to me, but I came out of this trance and I looked at the people who were in my room and everything was blurred. I looked like this, it was like a time loop and someone was talking to me and I saw that the person was talking to me and the words, I can't really explain it, I didn't realize these words, I didn't understand what was being said to me. And everything was a bit like I was looking at this hotel room from a third perspective, like a movie, as if there was a camera in the corner and I can see how I am in this hotel room, how my girlfriend is in the hotel room and this buddy of mine, how we are all and I look at it from the outside. I didn't feel like I was present in this situation and that was really the worst feeling I've ever felt in my life. And then when I had a few minutes to check what was happening and when I remembered that there was something in this stuff we were smoking, I panicked so much and what calms me down a bit today, because it shows me that I'm not completely crazy and somehow was alone with it, it was the same with my girlfriend. So the one who was also there, who didn't believe him either, that there was something in this stuff, she also completely panicked, because it was one-on-one with her, just like me, that she couldn't perceive what was happening and was just totally scared. And I remember, I had such a heart attack at that moment, when I woke up from this trance, I had such a heart attack and I tried so hard to fight against this state of loss of control and such a symptom, how it basically worked out, that I was really crazy in my head, is that I had this thought all the time, oh my god, I'm not allowed to post anything on Instagram, people are not allowed to know that I have just consumed something, no one should ever find out. That's why I always turned off my cell phone, so I turned it off completely and then a few seconds later I panicked, where is my cell phone, where is my cell phone? And then I looked at my cell phone and my cell phone was off and I was like, oh my god, why did I turn off my cell phone, I turned it on again and then I thought again, oh no, but I'm not allowed to post anything, I turned it off again and I did the whole thing five times, because I was just panicking that I was posting something, but at the same time I was also afraid that my cell phone would be gone and that, I don't know, I can't explain it to you, I always had this thought through this whole horror trip, I'm not allowed to post anything now, because as I said, I've already done social media. And my girlfriend and I, we also opened the window all the time and it was hot, then it was cold again, we walked up and down this hotel room all the time and the person who was still with us, who gave us the stuff, he just tried to reassure us all the time and he was like, hey, everything is fine, just relax, it will go away again and stuff. And we stood at this window all the time, we tried to get some fresh air, we looked at each other and we talked about it being gone again, because he said, guys, relax, it's gone again and stuff. We looked at each other and said, everything is fine again. And the crazy thing is, we always looked into each other's eyes, for such a long time, we said, everything is fine again. And then we just stood there forever, completely, really completely in a different world, just looked into each other's eyes and the moment just passed us by, like, oh, I hope that, the way I'm saying it right now, that you understand that, but I'm experiencing this moment one-to-one again and I hope I can repeat it the same way. And the longer it went, the worse it got, the worse the physical symptoms got, the symptoms in the head, that you just thought about some things all the time and got the fear disorder all the time. And then we wanted to call the ambulance because we were really so miserable and we were just afraid of death. You have to imagine that on the one hand it is this loss of control that you have, that you just can't control where you look, what you do, because everything just passes you by, you just don't have a clear head. And we were both so afraid of that feeling that we said, we have to call the ambulance. In the end, that didn't happen. So we left the hotel room, we walked up and down all the time, we were like, we have to go to the lobby, we have to call the ambulance. But in the end, it didn't come to that. I also remember, I took a shower three times that night, I took a completely cold shower, because I always imagined, if I take a cold shower now, then I feel better afterwards, then I'm back in this normal state where I'm basically back in my body and not so from the outside that I'm experiencing everything somehow, but that I can really just live normally again and I'm in the moment. You have to imagine, you really think when you experience something like that, this state stays. You don't understand, okay, tomorrow morning it's all gone again or I don't know, at some point it's all gone again, but you think, oh my god, what if it stays that way forever, if I can never live my life again and everything just passes me by. I think that's called derealization. So I also dealt with this topic so much afterwards and I think that's called derealization, that you are no longer in your reality and everything just passes you by and you just have this complete panic. And then I took a cold shower three times and then always thought afterwards, okay, now it's gone again. And then I got out of the shower again and was like, oh god, no, it's exactly the same again. And then I took a shower again, took a shower again. So crazy and no matter what we did, it just didn't get any better. At some point we just went to sleep and the next day I woke up and the feeling was largely gone, but I still felt so weird and so strange. And my biggest fear was then after this experience, actually, even when I was clear in my head again, that this feeling would come back. Because sometimes I was sitting, I don't know, in the classroom, in class, and then I suddenly got this feeling again. And I did a little bit of research and there are probably things like flashbacks, that if you once consumed drugs, that it can then happen that you can get into this rush again in a completely normal state. But I don't know if that was really the case or if I just had so much panic in my head all the time because of this experience, that I had already imagined such things and because I was so afraid of this feeling. And very briefly again on the topic of alcohol. I had cut in that I am afraid of alcohol and that is also 100% due to this experience with grass. Because you, quite bluntly, lose control of alcohol a bit and don't quite have the sense of reality anymore, as you sober it up. That's why I'm so afraid of drinking a lot of alcohol, because I don't know if maybe just in my head, because it's so crazy and just in panic, I would feel like I did back then. And then I actually went home again with the friend, with the train, from this event. And we talked about it all the time and we really had these exactly the same experiences. And that's what I'm so happy about, because I was so afraid that people would think I'm crazy when I tell them that. Because I don't have anything to do with drugs. I didn't even smoke cigarettes before that. And I was so afraid that people, when I told them that, would say, yes, you just want to be cool or tell some stories. But it was really so bad. And that sounds like the whole time, when I told the story, as if this third person, this guy who was still there, was completely to blame for the whole thing. But he really told us, there's something in it, we just didn't believe him. And because he himself was probably a little, hey, a little, I don't know, fogged up, it just seemed very different to him than to us. Maybe he was a little like, ha ha. But he told us very clearly, there's something in it, we were to blame ourselves, we just consumed it. And of course he also comforted us the whole time. And he was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry, blah, blah, blah. So I don't want to somehow say with this story, he was the bad guy. I was 100% to blame for the whole thing. And that was, after my research that I did, after what I read a little, a very clear horror trip that I had there. Drug horror trip. And I would never tell you this story, if I had had any great experiences with drugs, to tell you now, oh my God, guys, take drugs. But I really want to make this podcast episode an absolute warning for you. Especially because weed is now also legalized, I think. I don't know when that happens. But just because all the people in your environment take drugs, or because it's declared cool, or whatever, don't let anything convince you. And above all, don't consume anything from strangers. You don't know what the dosage is, you don't know what's in there at all. The thing is, I still don't know 100,000% what's in there. I actually even wrote to the guy again recently. So we're still so cool with each other. As I said, it's not like, oh my God, he filled us up with some drugs. Not at all. That was not the case at all. I even talked to him and he said, yes, that was liquid weed. As I said, I have no idea about substances. In any case, it was crazy, crazy bad. And never take anything from strangers. Whether it's alcohol, whether it's drugs, whether it's whatever, don't do that. And I also announced yesterday that I would be doing this podcast episode on the subject. And that it was very traumatic, I also teased. And a person wrote to me, for example, that she got psychosis from smoking weed. So if you read a little bit about it on the Internet, it's just as bad. And I just have the feeling that in society, drugs, alcohol, as well as weed and so on, are being normalized so blatantly. And there are also other experiences that people have with it. And not just these great ones and, oh my God, everything is so funny and so relaxed now. But there are really bad experiences that shape people for the rest of their lives. That's just my appeal to you, that you really are aware of the risks, so to speak. And you just ask yourself, okay, is it worth it now? As I said at the beginning of the podcast episode, I already said, I don't want to teach anyone here and say, you shouldn't do that, don't do that. You are all independent people and you can all do what you want. But it's just super important to hear such things and that something like that can happen. And especially with this example, how it happened to me, that I just didn't believe that there was something in there. It was just so stupid and careless of me, because I was still so young. And I just thought, oh my God, I'm cool. I'm going to smoke here in this vape or something. It was just my own mistake. And there are just so many different situations how you can come into contact with such things. And I don't want to scare you or anything, but you know, I share all my experiences with you. And especially the negative experiences, so that you can just learn a little bit from them. And yes, I hope you were able to take something away from it somehow. And I especially hope that this podcast episode makes sense. And the way I explained it all, it's also really plausible. So in summary, I had the worst night of my life. I suffered from it for so long. And especially when I told people, they were like, Hey, never was that blatant. With blatant, you react completely differently. Blatant is so cool and stuff. And I felt so completely alone with it. But I know that I'm not alone with it and that such horror trips happen super often. But just be careful. And yes, I hope you enjoyed this somewhat creepy and exciting storytime. I actually thought that I would like to do a bit of storytime more often, because I find it super exciting. Kind of a bit of a change to this self-help and stuff that I do a bit with my podcast. That's why I think it was very exciting. And really, please always remember, don't let anything persuade you. No matter what it is. Whether it's any substances, alcohol or any physical things. Really, don't let anything persuade you. Just do the things you really want to do. As I said, just pay attention to you. I love you very much. And thank you for listening to the podcast episode today. I rate my podcast with 5 stars. And follow me on the AdLifeIsFelicious Instagram account and also on my normal Instagram account on TikTok. You won't miss anything about my life there. You're really in the loop about everything. And yes, we'll see you next week at 4 p.m. I love you.