Short Stories by Fyodor Dostoyevsky - 4/15. A Unpleasant Predicament, Part 2/4

CHAPTER IV. AN UNPLEASANT PREDICAMENT. PART II. His star carried him away. He walked confidently in at the open gate, and contemptuously thrust aside with his foot the shaggy, husky little sheep-dog who flew at his legs with a horse-bark, more as a matter of form than with any real intention. Along a wooden plank he went to the covered porch which led like a sentry-box to the yard, and by three decaying wooden steps he went up to the tiny entry. Here though a tallow candle or something in the way of a night-light was burning somewhere in a corner, it did not prevent Ivan Ilyich from putting his left foot, just as it was in its galosh, into a galantine which had been stood out there to cool. Ivan Ilyich bent down, and, looking with curiosity, he saw that there were two other dishes of some sort of jelly, and also two shapes apparently of blancmange. The squashed galantine embarrassed him, and for one brief instant the thought flashed through his mind whether he should not slink away at once. But he considered this too low, reflecting that no one would have seen him, and that they would never think he had done it. He hurriedly wiped his galosh to conceal all traces, fumbled for the felt-covered door, opened it, and found himself in a very little ante-room. Half of it was literally piled up with greatcoats, wadded jackets, cloaks, capes, scarves, and galoshes. In the other half the musicians had been installed, two violins, a flute, and a double bass, a band of four, picked up, of course, in the street. They were sitting at an unpainted wooden table, lighted by a single tallow candle, and with the utmost vigor were sawing out the last figure of the quadrille. From the open door into the drawing-room one could see the dancers in the midst of dust, tobacco-smoke, and fumes. There was a frenzy of gaiety. There were sounds of laughter, shouts and shrieks from the ladies. The gentlemen stamped like a squadron of horses. Above all the bedlam there rang out words of command from the leader of the dance, probably an extremely free and easy and even unbuttoned gentleman. Gentlemen advance, ladies chain, set to partners, and so on and so on. Ivan Ilyich in some excitement cast off his coat and galoshes, and with his cap in his hand went into the room. He was no longer reflecting, however. For the first minute nobody noticed him. All were absorbed in dancing the quadrille to the end. Ivan Ilyich stood as though entranced, and could make out nothing definite in the chaos. He caught glimpses of ladies' dresses, of gentlemen with cigarettes between their teeth. He caught a glimpse of a lady's pale blue scarf which flicked him on the nose. After the wearer, a medical student with his hair blown in all directions on his head pranced by in wild delight and jostled violently against him on the way. He caught a glimpse, too, of an officer of some description who looked half a mile high. Someone in an unnaturally shrill voice shouted, Oh, Seldonimov! as the speaker flew by, stamping. It was sticky under Ivan Ilyich's feet. Evidently the floor had been waxed. In the room, which was a very small one, there were about thirty people. But a minute later the quadrille was over, and almost at once the very thing Ivan Ilyich had pictured when he was dreaming on the pavement took place. A stifled murmur, a strange whisper passed over the whole company, including the dancers, who had not yet had time to take breath and wipe their perspiring faces. All eyes, all faces began quickly turning towards the newly arrived guest. Then they all seemed to draw back a little and beat a retreat. Those who had not noticed him were pulled by their coats or dresses and informed. They looked round and at once beat a retreat with the others. Ivan Ilyich was still standing at the door without moving a step forward, and between him and the company there stretched an ever-widening empty space of floor, strewn with countless sweetmeat wrappings, bits of paper and cigarette ends. All at once a young man in a uniform, with a shock of flaxen hair and a hooked nose, stepped timidly out into that empty space. He moved forward, hunched up, and looked at the unexpected visitor exactly with the expression with which a dog looks at its master when the latter has called him up and is going to kick him. Good evening, Seldonimov! Do you know me? said Ivan Ilyich, and felt at the same minute that he had said this very awkwardly. He felt, too, that he was perhaps doing something horribly stupid at that moment. Your Excellency, muttered Seldonimov, to be sure I have called in to see you quite by chance, my friend, as you can probably imagine. But evidently Seldonimov could imagine nothing. He stood with staring eyes in the utmost perplexity. You won't turn me out, I suppose? Pleased or not, you must make a visitor welcome, Ivan Ilyich went on, feeling that he was confused to a point of unseemly feebleness, that he was trying to smile and was utterly unable, that the humours referenced to Stepan Nikiforovich and Trifon was becoming more and more impossible. But as ill-luck would have it, Seldonimov did not recover from his stupefaction and still gazed at him with a perfectly idiotic air. Ivan Ilyich winced, he felt that in another minute something incredibly foolish would happen. I am not in the way, am I? I'll go away, he faintly articulated, and there was a tremor at the right corner of his mouth. But Seldonimov had recovered himself. Good heavens, Your Excellency, the honour, he muttered, bowing hurriedly, graciously sit down, Your Excellency. And recovering himself still further, he motioned him with both hands to a sofa before which a table had been moved away to make room for the dancing. Ivan Ilyich felt relieved and sank on the sofa. At once someone flew to move the table up to him. He took a cursory look round and saw that he was the only person sitting down, all the others were standing, even the ladies. A bad sign. But it was not yet time to reassure and encourage them. The company still held back, while before him, bending double, stood Seldonimov, utterly alone, still completely at a loss and very far from smiling. It was horrid. In short, our hero endured such misery at that moment that his Harun al-Rashid-like descent upon his subordinates, for the sake of principle, might well have been reckoned an heroic action. But suddenly a little figure made its appearance beside Seldonimov and began bowing. To his inexpressible pleasure and even happiness, Ivan Ilyich at once recognized him as the head clerk of his office, Akim Petrovich Zubikov. And though, of course, he was not acquainted with him, he knew him to be a business-like and exemplary clerk. He got up at once and held out his hand to Akim Petrovich, his whole hand, not two fingers. The latter took it in both of his with the deepest respect. The general was triumphant, the situation was saved. And now, indeed, Seldonimov was no longer, so to say, the second person, but the third. It was possible to address his remarks to the head clerk in his necessity, taking him for an acquaintance and even an intimate one. And Seldonimov, meanwhile, could only be silent and be in a tremor of reverence. So that the proprieties were observed. And some explanation was essential, Ivan Ilyich felt that. He saw that all the guests were expecting something, that the whole household was gathered together in the doorway, almost creeping, climbing over one another in their anxiety to see and hear him. What was horrid was that the head clerk, in his foolishness, remained standing. Why are you standing? said Ivan Ilyich, awkwardly motioning him to a seat on the sofa beside him. Oh, don't trouble, I'll sit here. And Akim Petrovich hurriedly sat down on a chair, almost as it was being put for him by Seldonimov, who remained obstinately standing. Can you imagine what happened, addressing himself exclusively to Akim Petrovich, in a rather quavering, though free and easy voice. He even drawled out his words, with special emphasis on some syllables, pronounced the vowel a like e. In short, felt and was conscious that he was being affected, but could not control himself. Some external force was at work. He was painfully conscious of many things at that moment. Can you imagine? I have only just come from Stepan Nikiforovich Nikiforov's. You have heard of him, perhaps? The privy counsellor? You know, on that special committee. Akim Petrovich bent his whole person forward respectfully, as much as to say, of course we have heard of him. He is your neighbour now, Ivan Ilyich went on, for one instant, for the sake of ease and good manners addressing Seldonimov, but he quickly turned away again, on seeing from the latter's eyes that it made absolutely no difference to him. The old fellow, as you know, has been dreaming all his life of buying himself a house. Well, and he has bought it, and a very pretty house too. Yes, and today was his birthday, and he had never celebrated it before. He used even to keep it secret from us. He was too stingy to keep it. But now he is so delighted over his new house that he invited Semyon Ivanovich Shupalenko and me, you know. Akim Petrovich bent forward again. He bent forward zealously. Ivan Ilyich felt somewhat comforted. It had struck him, indeed, that the head clerk possibly was guessing that he was an indispensable point d'appui for His Excellency at that moment. That would have been more horrid than anything. So we sat together, the three of us. He gave us champagne. We talked about problems, even disputed. Akim Petrovich raised his eyebrows respectfully. Only that is not the point. When I take leave of him at last—he is a punctual old fellow, goes to bed early, you know, in his old age—I go out. My Trifon is nowhere to be seen. I am anxious. I make inquiries. What has Trifon done with the carriage? It comes out that, hoping I should stay on, he had gone off to the wedding of some friend of his—or sister, maybe, goodness only knows—somewhere here on the Petersburg side, and took the carriage with him while he was about it. Again, for the sake of good manners, the general glanced in the direction of Seldonimov. The latter promptly gave a wriggle, but not at all the sort of wriggle the general would have liked. He has no sympathy, no heart, flashed through his brain. You don't say so, said Akim Petrovich, greatly impressed. A faint murmur of surprise ran through all the crowd. Can you fancy my position, Ivan Ilyich glanced at them all. There was nothing for it. I set off on foot. I thought I would trudge to the great prospect, and there find some cabbie. Ha! Akim Petrovich echoed. Again a murmur, but this time on a more cheerful note, passed through the crowd. At that moment the chimney of a lamp on the wall broke with a crash. Someone rushed zealously to see to it. Seldonimov started and looked sternly at the lamp, but the general took no notice of it, and all was serene again. I walked, and the night was so lovely, so still. All at once I heard a band, stamping, dancing. I inquired of a policeman. It is Seldonimov's wedding. Why, you are giving a ball to all Petersburg's side, my friend. Ha! He turned to Seldonimov again. To be sure, Akim Petrovich responded. There was a stir among the guests again, but what was most foolish was that Seldonimov, though he bowed, did not even now smile, but seemed as though he were made of wood. Is he a fool or what? thought Ivan Ilyich. He ought to have smiled at that point, the ass, and everything would have run easily. There was a fury of impatience in his heart. I thought I would go in to see my clerk. He won't turn me out, I expect. Pleased or not, one must welcome a guest. You must please excuse me, my dear fellow, if I am in the way, I will go. I only came in to have a look. But little by little a general stir was beginning. Akim Petrovich looked at him with a mockishly sweet expression, as though to say, How could Your Excellency be in the way? All the guests stirred and began to display the first symptoms of being at their ease. Almost all the ladies sat down. A good sign, and a reassuring one. The boldest spirits among them fanned themselves with their handkerchiefs. One of them, in a shabby velvet dress, said something with intentional loudness. The officer addressed by her would have liked to answer her as loudly, but seeing that they were the only ones speaking aloud, he subsided. The men, for the most part government clerks, with two or three students among them, looked at one another as though egging each other on to unbend, cleared their throats, and began to move a few steps in different directions. No one, however, was particularly timid, but they were all restive, and almost all of them looked with a hostile expression at the personage who had burst in upon them to destroy their gaiety. The officer, ashamed of his cowardice, began to edge up to the table. But, I say, my friend, allow me to ask you your name, Ivan Ilyich asked Seldanimov. Porfiry Petrovich, Your Excellency, answered the latter with staring eyes as though on parade. Introduce me, Porfiry Petrovich, to your bride. Take me to her. He showed signs of a desire to get up, but Seldanimov ran full speed to the drawing-room. The bride, however, was standing close by at the door, but as soon as she heard herself mentioned, she hid. A minute later Seldanimov led her up by the hand. The guests all moved aside to make way for them. Ivan Ilyich got up solemnly, and dressed himself to her with a most affable smile, very, very much pleased to make your acquaintance, he pronounced with a most aristocratic half-bow, especially on such a day. He gave a meaning smile. There was an agreeable flutter among the ladies. Charmée, the lady in the velvet dress, pronounced almost aloud. The bride was a match for Seldanimov. She was a thin little lady, not more than seventeen, pale with a very small face and a sharp little nose. Her quick, active little eyes were not at all embarrassed. On the contrary, they looked at him steadily, and even with a shade of resentment. Evidently, Seldanimov was marrying her for her beauty. She was dressed in a white muslin dress over a pink slip. Her neck was thin, but she had a figure like a chicken's, with the bones all sticking out. She was not equal to making any response to the general's affability. But she is very pretty, he went on in an undertone, as though addressing Seldanimov only, though intentionally speaking so that the bride could hear. But on this occasion, too, Seldanimov again answered absolutely nothing, and did not even wriggle. Ivan Ilyich fancied that there was something cold suppressed in his eyes, as though he had something peculiarly malignant in his mind. And yet he had at all costs to wring some sensibility out of him. Why that was the object of his coming. They are a couple, though, he thought. And he turned again to the bride, who had seated herself beside him on the sofa. But in answer to his two or three questions, he got nothing but yes or no, and hardly that. If only she had been overcome with confusion, he thought to himself, then I should have begun to banter her. But as it is, my position is impossible. And as ill luck would have it, Akim Petrovich, too, was mute. Though this was only due to his foolishness, it was still unpardonable. My friends, haven't I perhaps interfered with your enjoyment? He said, addressing the whole company. He felt that the very palms of his hands were perspiring. No, don't trouble Your Excellency, we are beginning directly. But now we are getting cool, answered the officer. The bride looked at him with pleasure. The officer was not old and wore the uniform of some branch of the service. Seldonimov was still standing in the same place, bending forward, and it seemed as though his hooked nose stood out further than ever. He looked and listened like a footman standing with the greatcoat on his arm, waiting for the end of his master's farewell conversation. Ivan Ilyich made this comparison himself. He was losing his head. He felt that he was in an awkward position, that the ground was giving way under his feet, that he had got in somewhere and could not find his way out, as though he were in the dark. Suddenly, the guests all moved aside, and a short, thick-set, middle-aged woman made her appearance, dressed plainly, though she was in her best, with a big shawl on her shoulders, pinned at her throat, and on her head a cap, to which she was evidently unaccustomed. In her hands she carried a small, round tray, on which stood a full but uncorked bottle of champagne and two glasses, neither more nor less. Evidently the bottle was intended for only two guests. The middle-aged lady approached the general. Don't look down on us, Your Excellency, she said, bowing. Since you have deigned to do my son the honor of coming to his wedding, we beg you graciously to drink to the health of the young people. Do not disdain us. Do us the honor. Ivan Ilyich clutched at her as though she were his salvation. She was by no means an old woman, forty-five or forty-six, not more, but she had such a round and candid Russian face. She smiled so good-humoredly, bowed so simply, that Ivan Ilyich was almost comforted and began to hope again. So you are the mother of your son, he said, getting up from the sofa. Yes, my mother, Your Excellency, mumbled Seldanimov, craning his long neck and thrusting forward his long nose again. Ah, I am delighted, delighted to make your acquaintance. Do not refuse us, Your Excellency. With the greatest pleasure. The tray was put down. Seldanimov dashed forward to pour out the wine. Ivan Ilyich, still standing, took the glass. I am particularly, particularly glad on this occasion that I can, he began, that I can testify before all of you, in short, as your chief, I wish you, madam, he turned to the bride, and you, friend Porfiry, I wish you the fullest, completest happiness for many long years. And he positively drained the glass with feeling. The seventh he had drunk that evening. Seldanimov looked at him gravely and even sullenly. The general was beginning to feel an agonizing hatred of him. And that scarecrow, he looked at the officer, keeps obtruding himself. He might at least have shouted hurrah, and it would have gone off. It would have gone off. And you too, Akim Petrovich, drink a glass to their health, added the mother, addressing the head clerk. You are his superior, he is under you. Look after my boy, I beg you as a mother. And don't forget us in the future, our good, kind friend Akim Petrovich. How nice these old Russian women are, thought Ivan Ilyich. She has livened us all up. I have always loved the democracy. At that moment another tray was brought to the table. It was brought in by a maid wearing a crackling cotton dress that had never been washed, and a crinoline. She could hardly grasp the tray in both hands, it was so big. On it there were numbers of plates of apples, sweets, fruit meringues and fruit cheeses, walnuts and so on and so on. The tray had been till then in the drawing-room for the delectation of all the guests and especially the ladies, but now it was brought to the general alone. Do not disdain our humble fare, Your Excellency. What we have we are pleased to offer, the old lady repeated, bowing. Delighted, said Ivan Ilyich, and with real pleasure took a walnut and cracked it between his fingers. He had made up his mind to win popularity at all costs. Meantime the bride suddenly giggled. What is it? asked Ivan Ilyich, with a smile, encouraged by this sign of life. Ivan Klastenkinich here makes me laugh, she answered looking down. The general distinguished, indeed, a flaxen-headed young man, exceedingly good-looking, who was sitting on a chair at the other end of the sofa, whispering something to Madame Seldonimoff. The young man stood up. He was apparently very young and very shy. I was telling the lady about a dream-book, Your Excellency, he muttered as though apologizing. About what sort of dream-book? asked Ivan Ilyich condescendingly. There is a new dream-book, a literary one. I was telling the lady that to dream of Mr. Paneyev means spilling coffee on one's shirt-front. What innocence! thought Ivan Ilyich with positive annoyance. Though the young man flushed very red as he said it, he was incredibly delighted that he had said this about Mr. Paneyev. To be sure, I have heard of it, responded His Excellency. No, there is something better than that, said a voice quite close to Ivan Ilyich. There is a new encyclopedia being published, and they say Mr. Kraevsky will write articles and satirical literature. This was said by a young man who was by no means embarrassed, but rather free and easy. He was wearing gloves and a white waistcoat, and carried a hat in his hand. He did not dance and looked condescending, for he was on the staff of a satirical paper called the Fire Brand, and gave himself airs accordingly. He had come casually to the wedding, invited as an honored guest of the Seldanimoths, with whom he was on intimate terms, and with whom only a year before he had lived in very poor lodgings kept by a German woman. He drank vodka, however, and for that purpose had more than once withdrawn to a snug little back room to which all the guests knew their way. The General disliked him extremely. And the reason that's funny, broke him joyfully the flaxen-headed young man who had talked of the shirt-front, and at whom the young man on the comic paper looked with hatred in consequence, it's funny, Your Excellency, because it is supposed by the writer that Mr. Kraevsky does not know how to spell, and thinks that satirical ought to be written with a Y instead of an I. But the poor young man scarcely finished his sentence. He could see from his eyes that the General knew all this long ago, for the General himself looked embarrassed, and evidently because he knew it. The young man seemed inconceivably ashamed. He succeeded in effacing himself completely, and remained very melancholy all the rest of the evening. But to make up for that, the young man on the staff of the firebrand came up nearer, and seemed to be intending to sit down somewhere close by. Such free and easy manners struck Ivan Ilyich as rather shocking. Tell me, please, Porfiry, he began in order to say something, why, I have always wanted to ask you about it in person, why you are called Seldonimov instead of Sudonimov? Your name surely must be Sudonimov. I cannot inform you exactly, Your Excellency, said Seldonimov. It must have been that when his father went into the service they made a mistake in his papers so that he has remained now Seldonimov, put in Akim Petrovich. That does happen. Undoubtedly, the General said with warmth, undoubtedly, for only think, Sudonimov comes from the literary word pseudonym, while Seldonimov means nothing. Due to foolishness, added Akim Petrovich. You mean what is due to foolishness? The Russian common people in their foolishness often alter letters, and sometimes pronounce them in their own way. For instance, they say Nevalid instead of Invalid. Oh, yes, Nevalid. Mumber, too, they say, Your Excellency, boomed out the tall officer, who had long been itching to distinguish himself in some way. What do you mean by Mumber? Mumber instead of Number, Your Excellency. Oh, yes, Mumber instead of Number, to be sure, to be sure. Ivan Ilyich had to do a chuckle for the benefit of the officer, too. The officer straightened his tie. Another thing they say is, Nigh by, the young man on the comic paper put in. But His Excellency tried not to hear this. His chuckles were not at everybody's disposal. Nigh by instead of near, the young man on the comic paper persisted in evident irritation. Ivan Ilyich looked at him sternly. Come, why persist? Seldonimov whispered to him. Why, I was talking. Mayn't one speak? The latter protested in a whisper. But he said no more, and with secret fury walked out of the room. He made his way straight to the attractive little back room, where, for the benefit of the dancing gentleman, vodka of two sorts—salt-fish, caviar into slices, and a bottle of very strong sherry of Russian make—had been set early in the evening on a little table, covered with a Yaroslav cloth. With anger in his heart he was pouring himself out a glass of vodka, when suddenly the medical student with the dishevelled locks—the foremost dancer and cutter of capers at Seldonimov's ball—rushed in. He fell on the decanter with greedy haste. They are just going to begin, he said rapidly, helping himself. Come and look, I am going to dance a solo on my head. After supper I shall risk the fish dance. It is just the thing for the wedding. So to speak, a friendly hint to Seldonimov. She's a jolly creature, that Cleopatra Semyonovna. You can venture on anything you like with her. He's a reactionary, said the young man on the comic paper gloomily, as he tossed off his vodka. Who is a reactionary? Why the personage before whom they set those sweetmeats, he's a reactionary, I tell you. What nonsense, muttered the student, and he rushed out of the room, hearing the opening bars of the quadrille. Left alone, the young man on the comic paper poured himself out another glass, to give himself more assurance and independence. He drank and ate a snack of something, and never had the actual civil counsellor Ivan Ilyich made for himself a bitterer foe, more implacably bent on revenge, than was the young man on the staff of the firebrand, whom he had so slighted, especially after the latter had drunk two glasses of vodka. Alas, Ivan Ilyich suspected nothing of the sort. He did not suspect another circumstance of prime importance either, which had an influence on the mutual relations of the guests and his excellency. The fact was that, though he had given a proper and even detailed explanation of his presence at his clerk's wedding, this explanation did not really satisfy anyone, and the visitors were still embarrassed. But suddenly everything was transformed as though by magic. All were reassured and ready to enjoy themselves, to laugh, to shriek, to dance, exactly as though the unexpected visitor were not in the room. The cause of it was a rumour, a whisper, a report which spread in some unknown way that the visitor was not quite—it seemed—was in fact a little top-heavy, and though this seemed at first a horrible calumny, it began by degrees to appear to be justified. Suddenly everything became clear. What was more, they felt all at once extraordinarily free, and it was just at this moment that the quadrille for which the medical student was in such haste—the last before supper—began. And just as Ivan Ilyich meant to address the bride again, intending to provoke her with some innuendo, the tall officer suddenly dashed up to her and with a flourish dropped on one knee before her. She immediately jumped up from the sofa and whisked off with him to take her place in the quadrille. The officer did not even apologize, and she did not even glance at the general as she went away. She seemed in fact relieved to escape. After all she has a right to be, thought Ivan Ilyich, and of course they don't know how to behave. Hm, don't you stand on ceremony, friend Porfiry, he said, addressing Seldonimov. Perhaps you have arrangements to make, or something. Please don't put yourself out. Why does he keep guard over me, he thought to himself. Seldonimov, with his long neck and his eyes fixed intently upon him, began to be insufferable. In fact all this was not the thing, not the thing at all. But Ivan Ilyich was still far from admitting this.