Did This Guy Have An Asian Fetish?

This TikToker says she gets a lot of Asian fetish messages on Hinge, and that's why she's deleting the app. Well, we're here to talk about are these comments more harmful or playful or a mixture of both? Yeah, this is going viral in some Asian circles on the Internet or just some circles in general. It seems like such an innocuous little thing. But like we said, Andrew, the Internet likes to take very, very micro nano incidents and have macro comment sections about it. So make sure you like subscribe, turn on your notifications. And we're going to get into some of the comment sections, our own takeaways. But real quick, Andrew, what do you think about Dylan's comment? Right when Katie Deneaux signed up for Hinge, he said a beautiful Asian. Just my type. She got offended. Some people felt this way about it, that way about it. What do you think? I would not leave this message. I don't recommend guys leave a message being like, oh, you're just my type. Because if she had like if she was tall and like leggy and you're like, oh, tall, leggy blonde, just my type. I don't know if that's going to work either. It obviously depends on how Dylan looks and perceive, you know, his own appearance. But ultimately, it's not a crime what he said. But it's definitely kind of a notch more towards creepy, more suggestive. Because you know why? It was racial, because even if you did the tall and leggy thing, which is also cheesy, by the way. Right. Those would not be racial characteristics. Right, right, right, right. And yeah, I mean, obviously, here's here's the honest truth. Before we get into the comment section, there is a portion of Asian women who fetishize white guys. OK, and there's a portion of Asian women. Maybe that same portion would respond fought like in a playful way back to this message, be like, oh, hi, thanks. Right. You know, you're kind of my type, too. Now, Katie may not be that girl and she doesn't like it. She's entitled to not like it. And she just has all of us have to understand that how our larger group or our segment of people is viewed is going to affect us. Just like Asian guys. If I get called extra, extra nerdy or docile or shy, or I suffer from the Asian male stereotypes, I have to understand that might apply more to other Asian guys and not as much myself. But it's still going to affect me. Yeah, I mean, I think you're right. Clearly, in my opinion, this guy, Dylan, who left this comment to Katie to nose like has had potentially some success with this in the past. But like we said, not everybody's the same. People don't respond to everything the same. You know, some people are offended by things. Some people like it. It might depend on how they attracted. They are like you said, it's the white guys fetish fetishizing the Asian girl. Does that same Asian girl have a fetish right back? Anyway, let's get in the comments section. And this first section of comments was from guys. They were like, oh, boo hoo, you're cute, Asian and highly sought after. That bothers you. Would you want to be undesirable like a subpar white man or even an average Asian guy is undesirable? So what are you guys complaining about? Like you're getting all this attention. You're a tick tocker. You love attention. Now you're getting what you want because you're pretty enough in society and you're still not happy. What's going on? I feel like the guys who left this comment actually also want to leave the Dylan comments. OK, let's be honest. No, no, I understand what they're trying to say. They're trying to use this analogy like, oh, this is such a first world problem. This is such a problem from the privileged class. Guys, it is true that, yes, she has to get a lot of attention to probably get a lot of these messages because you get good messages, bad messages, all types of messages. I'm sure there's even less attractive Asian women who have gotten even worse messages, right? Do they get to complain? Everybody has their own struggles. She gets to complain. She didn't put his face out there. But yes, yes. Does she like attention on TikTok? I agree that. But I do think that to her point, like the fact that he pointed out her ethnicity as the number one thing that he liked this guy, Dylan, that is a little bit reductive, right? Because you're reducing somebody to their phenotype. Yeah. The next section came from a bunch of Asian women that said they were listing out way worse messages that they got or heard as like restaurant servers. They were like, I have heard some of the nastiest comments. Like this Filipino girl said, I was talking to a white couple that had his whole family there in the old white guy was like, oh, what are you? I think for dessert, I'll have a Filipino cream pie. So and there's other messages. I can't even say they are going to get this video demonetized about types of sideways woos and wim wams. And some some Asian girls were like, well, why does she get so much attention for this message that was kind of innocuous and light when I've gotten way worse? But other women were using their experience of way worse comments to verify the dynamic that she's going through. And this is the tough work. Is that on something like the dating app? I think she's actually still in a safe position to clap back at Dylan and let him know and be like, hey, this is not a good message. I would not message this to Asian women. And so that she could actually help Dylan learn. I'm not saying it's her responsibility. She doesn't have to. But if she wanted to have an impact, I can see, you know, in a person a person conversation like she's the server and they're the customer server. You can still be like, oh, that was inappropriate, sir. OK, but it's hard, right? Because the power dynamic is it is really hard. It's really hard, though, because the power dynamic is going to lean with the males. In most cases, somebody said there are too many men out there with Asian fetishes on dating apps. And yeah, this was just a general comment like this one got a lot of ups. It's kind of a very like standard statement, just being like, man, there's just too many men with Asian fetishes. Yeah, I think the huge problem here is actually that there's too many men out there that feel comfortable saying kind of suggestive and slightly creepy things to Asian women. And that kind of falls back on not being afraid of Asians, period. Right. You're saying the low testosterone, the low fear factor. Like, no, like guys, not like certain people not being afraid to say things to me or being afraid of Asian people in general. I remember one time, Andrew, a Peace Corps guy or like a guy who was like paid to sign up people for like Greenpeace trying to say he was going to steal your laptop at the Apple store in Pasadena. And I remember going, this guy is working for a nonprofit. Obviously, I don't think he was like directly working for them, but he was like hired by them on an hourly basis and said he was going to rob you. That's when I knew that I was like, dude, people treat Asians differently. Like there's no consequence. I would compare it to Andrew when you're playing somebody very bad at basketball and you're just trying your most disrespectful like professor and one tricks. It's because guess what, Andrew? There's no fear of them deeing you up or stealing the ball. That is true. Somebody said, why did this girl, Katie DeNose, point out that this happened on the East Coast? Is it different on other coasts? I thought this was a really interesting comment because we always talk about cross coastal culture. I do think this could happen on the West Coast, but it's less likely because the West Coast, primarily demographically, statistically speaking, is more Latin and more Asian. And people are more less old time Americana and more maybe liberal. No, I think the harsh fetishization definitely happens in areas where there's not a lot of Asians. The East Coast does have large Asian pockets. But but yes, people are overall. Yeah, this I could see. Let's just say Katie DeNose. I have no idea where she's from. And she said this happened in some place outside of Boston. She is Philly. I would be super. According to her TikTok, she's from the DMV, which is the DC, Maryland, Virginia area. All right. Somebody said, how dare a man express a preference? Of course, this is probably from a white guy. Andrew Yahoo News, more of the boomer comments basically being like, what's wrong? He just said what he liked. Don't women like people expressing their directness? Now, I just think anything like, bro, like even if it was like an Asian dude messaging a Latina girl or what or a black girl and any any if you just open up with something about the race, it's a it's pretty cringe, man. It's cringe. But like we said, people would be afraid to potentially lead off that way with a black or Latina. But they are not like when they're approaching an Asian to lead off with that race. If I messaged a blonde girl and be like, oh, blonde, just my type, Caucasian, Becky, Becky, Becky. Yeah. Oh, a Caucasian blonde. I like you. There was this comment that said preference and fetish are two separate things. Fetishes usually have to do with the underlying racist stereotype. For example, only liking black women because they're all supposed to have big asses or obsessed with sex or liking Asian women to expect them to be quiet, obedient, housewives that will bend over backwards for men and act cute while also acting like hentai characters in the bedroom. Fetish is not a compliment. Preference versus fetish. This comment was left, I believe, by an African-American woman. Andrew, is there a difference? Are they similar to me? I think the line is blurred, but yeah, they're different. They're different. They are different, but they are close to each other for sure. Somebody said, what happened to hi or hello nowadays? Everybody is just being so crass nowadays and just trying to get laid. So they're just going for the most ridiculous message they can to filter out any person who's not down. Yeah. So I think judging on how Dylan message, I don't think that this is a message of a guy who wants to be a long term partner. I think he was looking for fun. So he's trying to go with the filter off the rip. Yeah. And he's trying to find some girl who is going to respond a nice to that. And if she does, then you probably have an idea that, oh, she might be down for other things. Right. Are you saying it's sort of like the hard sell technique in the mall when the guys are trying to clean your shoes where they're like, yo, man, your Air Force ones looking pretty dirty on the heel. Would you step in some tar? I'll clean it for you. That's either going to offend you or make you go, oh, man, he pointed out the tar on my air forces. Yeah, I'll sign up for this. Yeah, he's shooting his shot and it's definitely a three pointer for sure. Yeah. Not a he's not taking it to the rack for a free throw or like trying to get a layup. He's trying to get three. It's more of like a shotgun blast approach where it's like it's either going to hit or wildly miss, but I don't care. I'm swinging for a home run here. Right. Somebody said now ask Katie to know if she dates anyone. But white guys, huh? The fetishization goes both ways. And somebody said, yeah, she's probably going to end up with a white guy. Just like that one meme in Pocahontas where the guy comes out. The leader of the tribe is like, watch out for these white men. And then the next scene is Pocahontas kissing John Smith. Yeah, I don't know about her personal preferences. I don't know her personally. I mean, I know she spends time in Asia, according to her tick tock. But yeah, listen, guys, fetishization, it does go both ways. If no Asian women in history ever dated white guys or fetishized white guys, I don't think that fetish would exist, just like if there was no nerdy Asian guys who fit all the stereotypes of Asian guys. I don't think that stereotype for Asian guys. Right, right, right. Similar, I guess, in the way amongst Anglo-Saxon men, you don't really see a strong fetish for Indian women like Daisy women or Arab women, because I would say anecdotally, you haven't seen a lot of Arab women or Daisy women respond to white guys returning the volley. Yeah, the tennis volleyball. Yes, yes, yes. Somebody said my ex-girlfriend, who's Asian, never saw this as an issue because she actually preferred white men with these Asian girl fetishes. It made her feel wanted, I guess. No wonder she has a hard time finding a decent guy who's interested in her for her toxic. And then somebody this went into a discussion with another Asian girl who was like definitely more in a sociology and psychology. And she was like, internalized racism is whack. And some people don't want to admit it. It has to do with acceptance in society, privilege, class, mobility. And then you don't even realize the discrimination that comes in with getting to feel like you fit into the mainstream. And, you know, of course, this thread went on and on and on and on and on. Somebody said dating apps are just like the supermarket. You pick and choose whatever you want. But here's the thing. A lot of the Asian guys, they go on discount in the clearance rack because they're not chosen. Asian women, maybe people usually want to pick them up so much that people are jostling, being toxic, being pushy, trying to take them off the shelves like a tickle me Elmo. David, do you think that some guys they treat hinge almost like it's Instagram where they'll send a DM or just a comment on a girl's photo and say something like pretty suggestive and maybe a little bit probably send a lot of peach emojis on on photos, body photos? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody said it's clearly pros and cons for Asian women. However, they could easily flip this fetishization to use it for their benefit to fit into American society as well. Yeah. But fitting into American society and getting accepted by white guys in that way doesn't mean it's full acceptance or full respect. But definitely you can be in different circles and feel more American and get more accepted and be viewed as more American because, you know, you're a pretty girl. And of course, Andrew, this turned into an Asian guy's self-help lesson because you know how some guys are already like skipping through analyzing this interaction with Katie DeNose and Dylan and on to just like, man, Asian men, we got to listen up, be the best version of ourselves, kick ass and level up in our profession, work out, get in top shape, get your emotional baggage in order, et cetera, et cetera. And then somebody said, dude, quit talking to other Asian men like we are 14 year olds who need self-help. And some guy said, yeah, any Asian guy who needs to hear this to get a haircut and brush their teeth is already a rap for them. They are already a lost cause. You're just better off moving to Asia or Hawaii or L.A. Yeah, David, overall, the takeaways of this, I guess, do you feel like I've heard that a lot of non-Asian dudes are attracted to Asian women, but they feel weird about it and they feel like that when they approach Asian women, they cannot be fully respectful of it because their feelings are like they're like conflicted about their feelings about it or something. Yeah, I would say it's a little bit like liking anime was like 10 years ago or 15 years ago where dudes like it, but they kind of don't want to admit they fully like it in the presence of other non-Asian men. So when they do approach an Asian woman, there's some element of like, oh, yeah, I'll just like toss this out there. I'll do this like little weird move because I don't want to fully respect it because I know that there's a thing kind of within the white world where it's like, oh, you couldn't get a hot blonde girl because all the hot blonde girls are going with like OBJ and all these like cool black guys. So you had to go get an Asian girl that's like submissive and like loves white guys. So when I do hit on Asian girls, I'm not going to do it with like ten out of ten respect. And also, David, is it kind of like you see a really beautiful woman that you want to talk to or like she's working at the counter or something? But instead of being just nice to her, you're saying some type of like off comment to her. Yeah. You're like, yeah, I like to be like, wow, I'm kind of drawn to this person, but I don't know how to act around this person. Yeah. Like I feel some mixture of desire to hit on this person, but I also feel shame. So I'm not going to do it the right way. Yeah, I think there's three things that every time I think about stories like this, it's like one. I think if you want stereotypes to break, you have to speak up and call it out. Number one. OK, that's what everybody can do with social media and everybody can do with their voices. Number two, you have to fight that stereotype yourself. So Katie should not be only dating white guys herself. I'm not saying that she does. I'm just saying, you know, it doesn't seem like she does. But I'm saying you can change that about yourself. And then number three, the last thing you can do is keep others accountable. And this is where it's very hard, because if you see other people being stereotypical, especially within your circle, you at some point have to call it out so that the whole group can change. Yeah. And I think this is the difficult part, because there was a comment from an Asian girl that said you can just set hinge to only match with Asian guys. Like, why are you guys even matching with white guys anymore? And here's the truth. Here's the truth. A lot of white guys, they they find Asian girls attractive. A lot of Asian girls find white guys attractive. And when you have a high volume of overlap in the Venn diagram, let's say, for example, between Asian guys and white girls, there's a very tiny sliver that overlaps on the Venn diagram. When you have gigantic overlap between two bubbles, there's a lot of pings. And when you have a high volume of pings, Andrew, the pings can go great. They can go good. They can go mixed. They can go sort of sort of bad and they can go really bad. So I guess what I'm saying is like the reason why a lot of Asian girls probably don't have the white guy box unshaded and take excluded is because they're probably hoping for more good to great interactions. But there's going to be a variance because you're going to get America's mostly white. You're going to get like 200 and 500 messages from white guys and you're going to be able to categorize. You know, Dylan's interaction probably went into like semi bad. You know what I mean? Like there's going to be a distribution on the plot chart. Right, right, right. I mean, who knows? I mean, if Dylan was attractive himself and he had just left the comment, just being like, hey, you seem like my type. And that was what he said instead of, oh, a beautiful Asian, just my type. Right. He didn't go with the lotus flower, Jade cherry blossom. If you had just been like, hey, you seem like a cool chick. You seem like we vibe. You can't get mad at that message. But anyways, I mean, why do you think the comment section, Andrew, went all around the world? Like, it's funny because a lot it's hard to get the Asian community to talk about these issues unless it's like this very sort of trivial message that Katie DeNose got on Hinge. You know, literally, it's impossible to get the Asian-American community to talk about anything structurally until you get the trivial. When it comes to hard topics and tough topics to talk about, you kind of need a face and you need a storyline and you need like a star of the show. And Katie and Dylan, you two are the star of this show. That's why we're breaking it down. All right, everybody, let me know in the comments down below what you think about this. How harmful was that comment? And also, like, how often does this happen? You know, because I would say obviously what Dylan did was not a crime, but you could say it was a little bit suggestive and creepy. So anyways, guys, you let me know in the comments down below what you think about all this. And until next time, we out. Peace.