Marilyn Monroe Forever In Our Hearts 1926 - 1962 - Interview, Photos And Footage

I only know I want to be wonderful like so. Here. Wonderful. Oh, that's awfully close. Awfully close? Let's see, let's pull the table over. Frightening thing, you know. This object here. Well, I'll put it in my pocket. Okay. Five came out in one month. And Howard Hughes had just had his airplane accident, remember? And he sent for them and I went to 20th where Ben Lyon was head of casting. And didn't I tell you that? No. Well, he came out. There was a long waiting. I mean, hard benches. We were sitting out. People of all ages and sizes and everything. He came and he says, who is this girl? So, he said, I look so fresh and young. And I don't know what else. He was very enthusiastic. I mean, he said, oh, he says, you're, oh, you know, he had high hopes for me. Well, they made a technical attest the following day, which was unusual. But they sort of sneaked it in. All of them got together in the talent department. And they put me under contract, under a stock contract for a year. And then I was dropped. And then I was hired at Columbia. Then when I was hired back after the Asphalt Jungle, you know, the 20th Century Clock. Then he said, I understand you used to be here. I said, that's right. Well, things are quite different now. And he said I had a three-dimensional quality having to do with sex. He says, quite reminiscent of Harlow. And it was interesting since Ben Lyon had been saying that. Oh, yes. Yeah. Because, well, I wanted my mother's maiden name because I felt that rightfully was my name. I couldn't take my father's name very well. So, I wanted at least something that was related. So, I said, I want the name Monroe, which was my mother's maiden name. And the true things rarely get into circulation. It's usually the false things. Yes, that's what she claimed. But as a friend of my husband says, he was one of our lesser presidents. Truly. I was at the Hollywood Studio Club. Although they say that I wasn't. I was. I know. It was me. It happened to. It was I. It was me. I. It was I. It was all true. I was behind in the rent. And they usually let you get about a week behind in the rent. You're the only one who doesn't support this wonderful, you know. Wonderful. It's not so wonderful unless you're working and paying your rent. Tom Kelly had asked me. I had done some beer ads for beer for him. And he had asked me to pose nude. Actually, I'd be in a bathing suit or something like that. So, he asked me to pose nude. And his wife, Natalie Kelly, she'd be in the dressing room. I'd be getting dressed and changing. So, she said to him, probably, you know, she's got to do nudes or something. And then sometimes other photographers. Willinger had asked me. Well, we won't put his name on it. Had asked me. And I would say, I don't do. I'm sorry. And one time, Andre Dienes. I went on an interview. And he said, so you do nudes. I said, no, I don't do nudes. Never. So, I always went around saying never. And then, I got so far behind the rent. Four weeks and I owed. I was in debt and everything. So, I called up and I said, are you sure they won't recognize? He said, I promise. I said, well, if it's at night and you don't have any helpers. You know, to put up the lights. And I said, I don't know. I said, I'm shy and I don't want to expose myself to, you know, all the people you have. And I said, and at night. He said, all right, just Natalie and myself. So, we did it. And that's all. He just spread out some red velvet and had me lie down in the red velvet. I thought, you know, they put some kind of lotion on you or something. Nothing, just, you know. It was very simple and drafty. Calendar? No, they've all been stolen. And I wanted to keep one for my grandchildren. But I can't keep them. I don't know who takes them. If I get a copy and I pack it away, it will be gone. Yes. By the time it was known, I had already done The Asphalt Jungle. I was hired at Fox. And I remember they called on the set, the publicity department, and said something to the effect, did you post for a calendar? And I said, yes. Anything wrong? There was great anxiety. And they said, whoa, don't say you did. Say you didn't. So, I said, but I did. I signed the release and I did, and I feel I should say it. So, I did say that I did. And they were very unhappy about it. And then the cameraman who was working on the film at that time, he got a hold of one and he asked me if I'd sign it. And so I said, yes, I would. I signed it and I said, to him and his name. And I said, this isn't my best angle. And of course, they got madder, the studio. And they said, but you can't sign those. And I said, but it's me and they'd rather have these than the other sign. If they're friends, I don't sign for strangers, but they're friends. Or some I said, do you like me better with long hair? Because the hair was down to here, my hair. So, I did the Asphalt Jungle. Little by little, I think Fox got used to it. No, I was really hungry. You know, to eat, when you live at the Hollywood Studio Club, you get two meals a day. You get breakfast and you get dinner. Of course, it doesn't taste very good, but still, you eat. I always supported myself. I was never what you'd call, I don't know, how can I say it? No one else ever supported me in my life, in my older life. Well, I didn't. I had no family. I mean, I had no place to go just to have a roof over my head. Of course, a lot of people said, well, why didn't you go and get a job in a ten-cent store, something like that? And because I didn't have a high school education, they wouldn't accept me. That's not true. Neither are true. My mother's first husband was named Baker. Her second husband was Mortenson, but she was long since divorced when I was born. So, on my birth certificate, I believe it says, profession, Baker. So she was just trying to think quickly, I guess, and said Baker. Well, in all my school records, it was known as Jean Baker. In fact, I was always told, by the way, when I was very young, that my father was killed in an automobile accident in New York before I was born. When I was very young, I was told that. Yes. As regards your mother, to you, she was just a woman with a red hair? Actually, she was. You see, when I was very young, I called every woman I would see. I'd say, well, there's a mama. And if I would see a man, I'd say, there's a daddy, or papa, I guess you'd say in French. So, to learn that she was my mother was quite a shock. You know, it was a woman with red hair. The people I was staying with, I was about three, and one morning I was having a bath, actually, and I referred to the woman as mama, and she said, I'm not your mother, the one who comes here with the red hair and so forth. She's your mother. Don't call me mother anymore. Call me aunt, so-and-so. But the one I was concerned was her husband. I said, but he's my daddy. She said, no. You call him uncle, so-and-so. Although they weren't my aunt and uncle. I never lived with my mother. I don't know about the 12 days old. I don't remember, but I know I was very young. No, I used to ask where my mother was when I, oh, I don't know. Well, when I was put in the orphan's home, and I refused to go into the orphan's home. I mean, I said, I saw the orphan. I could read at 10, orphan, and I put my feet down on the sidewalk, and they had to drag me, and I said, I'm not an orphan. And so I thought, well, she's dead somewhere, and then later some people said, well, it's better you forget about your mother. I said, but where is my mother? And they said, well, it's better you forget about her. She's dead. So I was told that. So whatever invented, I don't know what they mean, but it was all kind of vague. You know, I couldn't find out anything for sure. I wasn't eight, because when I was eight, I remember where I had, when I had a birthday at eight years old, and so I would still be seven, and my mother did buy a home, but I didn't see her very often. It was very, well, the circumstance, very unhappy and kind of haphazard. I didn't see her very much. The English couple that I told you, they were the couple. They came to live there in the home, but we only had a home for about, oh, maybe, I don't even think it was three months. With the English couple, they used to take me to the Egyptian, where they used to have monkeys in cages outside, and they put me there early in the morning, and I'd watch the monkeys. I tried to fit my foot. My feet prints are there now, but I would try to, you know, but they had these, what do you call those, high-vamped. Yeah, and I never could get my feet in there. My feet were always too big. Every Saturday and Sunday, I was taken there because they worked during the week. They worked very hard, and they didn't want to be bothered with a child around the house, I think. You know, you can't blame them. They were very tired, and so I was taken there in the morning. I'd wait till the movie opened for 10 cents. I would go in, sit in the first row, and I watched all kinds of movies, like Cleopatra with Claudia Colbert. That I remembered very well. I'd sit there, and I'd see it over and over and over and over again, till late at night. I was supposed to come out at dark, but, of course, I didn't know when it was dark, just before dark, because with their conscience, they didn't want me to come, you know, at night, but I never knew when it was dark. Besides, it was much nicer there. You know, just seeing the movie over and over and over and over again. No, it didn't matter. I knew I'd eat when I got home, eat something. Actually, I don't think there was 12, but there were quite a few, because I was going to stay with these people from New Orleans, and then suddenly I was taken to the orphan zone. Let's see. So counting the orphan zone. Do you want me to count all of them? I'll try. Let's see. Three. You see, some places I lived, I was taken there at the end of the school term, and they were planning to keep me, but then, after the summer, they'd had enough, so, or for whatever reason, and then I was taken to another place, so that's why there's so many. I know I went to six different grammar schools. You know, that's before you're in the seventh grade, but I'll try to recall. Let's see. I'm to nine so far, just a second. Ten. Ten. But I moved back to a place where I had stayed, so that would make 11 different moves, but ten. Ten counting the orphan zone. Ten different places. It was such a bright, cheerful place. I guess it is now. They've made a lot of improvements. I used to sit up in the window and cry, because I'd look over and I'd see RKO, and I knew my mother had worked there, and she'd been a cutter there, and all the kids were asleep. I used to sit up in the window, and at night, and as I say when everyone was asleep, and when I went there to work, during class by night, I stood there, and I wanted to see back, to see if I could see the orphanage, but you can't. It's too many sound stages in a way, and office buildings and homes. Oh, by the way, I slept in a room with 27 beds, because they say some other number, I know, and I read it, because you had to work your way to the honor bed. You start with one, well, really the 27th bed, and you had to work your way down and around, and then you could work yourself into the other dormitory, which had fewer beds, but I got there once, but once I was putting on my shoes, and the matron said, She says, Well, we lived there. We all had jobs. I had different jobs. I worked for a while. Oh, we'd get up at 6 in the morning, and we did our work before we went to a public school. Well, it's bad to have children from an institution like that go to a public school, because in a public school the kids say, Oh, they're from the home. They're from the home. I always tried to go around as if I were one of the other kids. We all were ashamed to have been from New Orkantown. Well, I was very tall and thin. I was as tall as I am now, and very, very thin. Eleven things changed. And I never grew any taller, but they always said, Oh, she's going to be a very tall girl. Oh, in fact, when I was first going, when I first went to the orphanage, and they pulled me in, you know, they took one arm here and pulled me in. I kept crying, screaming, I'm not an orphan. And then there was a dining room straight ahead, and there were these hundred, you know, one hundred kids sitting there eating at five o'clock, and then a child, you know, you're ashamed to cry in front of other children. So I stopped right away, and then the children filed out and went to their, they were sitting on the porch after dinner, they usually did that, on the girls' side, and they all thought I was at least fourteen, because I was so tall. They thought I was going to be an ad girl, whoever they were. Well, anything tasted good to me. I always, when I was a child, I ate everything, because the families that I lived with, they said they never saw a child who would eat everything. I'd eat anything, everything. Oh, there was one other family I stayed with for a short time, but it was only for about three weeks. I forgot to mention, Meigslelem. I liked singing, athletics, English. I hated arithmetic. I never had my mind on it. You know, I was always dreaming out the window. And then, too, another thing people would remark, not only that I would eat everything, but I never complained when I went to bed. I would even say, I think I'll go to bed now. They'd say, well, that's very unusual, because children, they say, no, I don't want to go to bed. But what I would do would be to go in my room, except that the orphanage home was different. But otherwise, I would go in my room, and if I had seen a movie, I would act out every part. Only I would act out before that happened or after, and I would act out all the parts, the men as well as the women. That's what I'd be doing, you know, standing up on my bed, being taller and even. Just the feeling, what he said and what she said and what he felt and she felt, and usually be sad. How old were you then, five or six? Five, six, exactly. First time was at the orphanage, and then later in my teens, I stuttered, and I was, they elected me secretary of the English class, no, secretary of the minutes of the English class, whatever you call it, and then I'd say, minutes of the last meeting. I'd go, Oh, it was terrible. When? I don't know, let's say I had the orphanage and after I left, I guess, and then when I was about 13, I took it up again. It just, I don't know, how it happened. I just stuttered. Sometimes if I'm very nervous or excited or something, I stutter. In fact, one time, they were doing a, I had a small part in a movie, and the assistant director came in and yelled at me. Oh, he talked awful. And he, and so I, when I got into the scene, instead of my lines, and the director came up, he was furious, he says, you don't stutter. I said, that's what you think. Oh, it's painful. Oh, God. Well, when I went to live with a woman, her name is Mrs. E, period, Anna Lauer, and I used to do the dishes in the evening, and whistling, and she said, I never heard Charles sing so much. So, I did it during that period. I liked being with her, staying with her. I always kept in touch with her. She, I loved her very dearly. And then, I adored her. Well, he used to call me the mouse, because I didn't, I never said anything, and I was quiet, most of the time, except with other children. I had imagination. Other children liked to play with me, because I could think of things. You know, I'd say, now we're going to have a murder, then a divorce, and then a, and then they'd say, how do you think? I'd say, I don't know. So, other children, you know, I could be myself without the children, but with grown-ups, I was always very quiet. Went around about doing my work, you know, whatever I had to do. Oh, no. Okay. I don't want to say too much. Well, uh, Grace arranged it. She and her husband were going to, um, West Virginia, and they were going to put me in a, uh, a home, or, you know, like I'd been before, or, I could marry this, uh, boy, who was 21, at the time. So, I married. Oh, no. I was 15 turning 16. You know, when marriage took place, I was just turned 16. In the state of California, you can marry, uh, a 16 girl. But it was arranged when I was 15. No. Not at all. Then, uh, he was drafted to go into the Army, but instead he went to the Merchant Marine. Yes, towards the end of the war, I divorced him. I divorced him when I was 20. I went to Las Vegas to divorce him. I don't know how far it is. If they let you do one thing, they'll let you do the other. Well, how does it feel being yourself? That's exactly how I feel. I didn't know. One time, a very wonderful director, Kazan, said I had no ambition. That was my problem, my trouble. But I, I, I would like very much to be, uh, a fine actress. A true actress, is what I mean by fine. A real actress. I would like to be happy, but who's happy? I think trying to be happy is almost as difficult as trying to be a good actress. You have to work to be both of them. Well, I think comedy is, uh, harder for me. I mean, it's just harder to act comedy, I think, for me. It seems that way. Uh, but I would like, uh, a variety of parts. You know, dramatic, sometimes comedy. Not musical too much, because, not too much, because, um, I never studied it. I always wanted to, but I never did. And, it's very difficult. And after you've finished it, they say, oh, you just did it like that, and, really, all you do is, so much. It looks so easy. It looks easy. It looks like you just walk through it. And I've never studied that, either singing or dancing. Really. It is. It takes, uh, it takes its toll. I think an artist, uh, artist, I apologize to you, but to them, I apologize. Sometimes, you know, the work is so, you know, you, you try to be true, and, uh, you feel sometimes it's on the verge of a kind of craziness. But it isn't really craziness. It's really, uh, getting the truest part of yourself out. And it's very hard, you know. I mean, it's not easy, let's say. And yet, it can be very simple at the same time, um, being an artist. Because sometimes, you think, oh, well, all I have to do is true. But sometimes, it doesn't come so easily. Well, you know, I always have a secret, um, feeling that I'm really a fake or something. Or a phony. You know how people feel about themselves. They have something secret they feel about themselves. And I always feel that. I know my teacher says, why do you feel that about yourself? And then he starts to say, but you're a human being. I said, yes, I am. I said, but I feel like I have to do more. He says, no. He says, you start with yourself. Lee Strasberg. I think, probably, he changed my life more than any other human being that I've met. Including, um, everyone. Um, because, when I started, um, to work with him, I would sort of assume something. And he says, what are you doing? I said, well, I have to get into the part. He says, no, but you're a human being, so you start with yourself. I said, but with me? He said, yes, with you. So, um, in a way, if you can concentrate, um, correctly, I don't mean deep thinking where you, you know, pounding the skull. But, if you can just concentrate simply, that's what I mean about being easy. Anyway, he helped me a great deal. I have a hard time at it. I don't know. I might leave something out, but I won't put anything else in extra. I might leave something out because, uh, to my benefit, or somebody else's benefit, hurt people or hurt myself sometimes, you know. We all want to protect ourselves also. So, uh, I might leave something out. But, um, I, I don't think I, uh, no, I, I don't think I lie. At least if I would try, it's difficult. But I do want to be wonderful. You know, when I walked out of 20th Century Fox and I went to New York and I stayed for I don't know how many months, 15 months, 13 months, I don't know how many months, and the lawyer, you know, he said, uh, oh, he was telling me, uh, about my tax deductions and I don't know what and about, oh, the lawyer for 20th Century Fox and I said, I don't know about that. I only know I want to be wonderful. Couldn't say that to a corporation lawyer. They'd think I'm mad. And that's at the bottom of everything, you know, that I do want. People were making them up. It's not true. There was nobody there that was smart. They never made them up. And they're often more advanced by how qualified. Yeah, like, you know, they ask you questions like, well, just an example, what do you wear to bed? Do you wear a pajama top at the bottom of the pajamas or a nightgown or what kind of... So I say Chanel No. 5 because it's the truth. And yet I don't want to say nude, you know, but it's the truth. I don't know. All of those things come from the truth. If you ever get any of those things you want to ask, what does it mean? I'll tell you where the truth comes from or what it does mean because I, as I say, I don't, I leave things out. I don't elaborate sometimes. But it'll be from the truth because otherwise it's hard to know where to start if you don't start with the truth. Okay, here, I get up early in the morning. I jump into my clothes, get my belongings together, get in the car and I have a driver. He brings me to the studio and I have somebody waiting here who makes my breakfast and they start with the hair and the makeup and I eat while they're doing my hair and then they leave it that way while the makeup man, he comes in he does the makeup and then they comb out the hair later and they put on the body makeup and then the clothes. I don't like to rush this process because I find if I rush I'm very tired. By the time I have to do a scene I'm all worn out from rushing through the hair and the makeup and the clothes so I like to do it leisurely like I like to dress when I go out in the evening. I love to dress leisurely. I like to soak in the tub and leisurely I like music. I think that we're rushing too much nowadays. That's why people get nervous. Well I don't think I'm late all the time but maybe it is because I can't go as fast as other people. You know people that get in automobiles they run into each other because they never stop. They're going like that and I don't think that mankind it's intended for them to go like that. They're not supposed to be like machines. And I think you get more done the other way by doing it more sensibly more leisurely. Mr. Cukor on this film has been very wonderful to me in as much as he lets me come in an hour later than I would usually come in. So it helps because I'm fresher at the end of the day. It helps. He says he does it for my work and I think it's so. I think actors in movies work too long hours or too long Always. Nearly always. Sometimes I feel a doom set over me. Just as I'm walking on the stage it's just like a doom sets on me. I don't know why but I get over it sometimes. Sometimes it lasts all day. Well I want to do my best the best that I can do in that moment when the camera starts until it stops. That moment I want to be perfect. As perfect as I can make it. I used to go to movies on Saturday night when for instance when I worked in a factory and that was my only time that I could enjoy myself really. That I really relaxed and enjoyed and which is on tape trying to think excuses. And so I used to be very disappointed if I went to a movie because I waited all week to go to the movie and I worked hard for the money that I spent and if I went to a movie and it's a bad movie or I thought people didn't do their best kind of did it sloppy or something I really was mad you know angry when I left because then I didn't have anything to go on for a whole week and wait for another week. So I always feel that I work for the ones who work hard and they go to the box office and put down their money and they want to be entertained or I always feel I do it for them but I do care because I know how the others feel. You know they've worked hard all week and my favorite star then oh I liked anybody who was good sometimes they'd be good sometimes they wouldn't you know oh well that was when I was very small that's when I was seven years old when I was seven years old my favorite was Jean Harlow and the reason why she was my favorite because she had white hair and I had white hair and they used to call me toe head I don't know how you'd say it in French but it was white hair instead and I dreamed of having golden hair but instead mine was white and so when she had white hair I felt sort of close to her because she had white hair I had white hair and Clark Gable I'm sure he won't mind if I say it because in a Freudian sense it's supposed to be very good I used to always say think of him as my father I pretended that he was my father I never pretended he was my mother I don't know why but I always pretended he was my father I was just seven years old and he was a very young man and I thought that's how I wanted my father to look I think it's a rare thing and not to be discounted at all not to be pushed away in a corner I find that's why I like poetry I think also they don't discount it they take it for it's worth it's value it's one of the most important things that ever happens to us I think the most important thing I think love and work are the only things that really happen to us and everything else is just doesn't really matter and I think one without the other isn't so good I think they both need I think I don't know I'm only 34 I have a few years to go yet but I think it's I think it's the most important thing because even work is a kind of love it's something that you'd love to do even workers factory workers I used to take pride in the way that I would do it even though I did it very fast I would take a pride in the fact that I would do it exactly perfect as perfect as I could you know so I think that well I guess I'm a little impetuous exclusive I think I am because I have very few friends but not to be exclusive it's just that I like oh no I like people but for friends I like few people a few people well I met him the year he retired he had already retired and I saw him for about a year and a half two years and we married in San Francisco and his background you know his family they were immigrants and they had a very difficult time and when he was young he had a very difficult time he was a wonderful athlete and he could hit a baseball anything throwing his sister he could hit so he understood some things about me and I understood some things about him and we based our marriage and I say some things well I don't want to say that I just say we understood some things about each other he has a very sensitive nature in many respects you know one thinks of an athlete as being I don't know not having that but there's they do our marriage wasn't a happy one it ended in nine months unfortunately I don't know what else to say do I feel happy in life let's see let's say I hope I'm finding happiness right well for me if I can realize certain things in my work I come the closest to being happy and I can say that also about my life well it only happens I think in moments sometimes when I'm working and and I'll be able to fulfill a scene truthfully and and I think I'm the happiest well I find it very stimulating to keep studying and working but I'm not just generally happy if I'm generally anything I guess I'm generally miserable I don't know sometimes I think I don't know I think sometimes I do sometimes I don't which is natural I guess for everyone I would like to be more sociable than I am on some days sometimes I'll chat when I'm not pleased but sometimes the work itself requires more that I'm quiet and to myself more and other days like doing a musical number I try not to get too I like to be more outgoing because I have that's what I have to express and so I try to keep it general I try to even if I feel like it or not I'll try to make the effort to make contact with people around me yes because I could easily be alone it doesn't bother me to be alone some people I know they they don't like to be alone I don't mind it I need it as a rest and yeah it kind of refreshes myself yeah and a rest yes I think there's two things in human beings that they as I think there is in myself that they want to be alone but they also want to be together you know because I think I have also and I think that's the way with people also but there is something in people they want they need solitude for a while yes it was he came with Elia Kazan on the set of a picture called Young as you feel and as he described it I was crying when he met me a friend of mine had died even though I was in tears he introduced me I'd forgotten but he said I was crying you know in tears weeping when he met me then I didn't see him for about four years I used to think that maybe he might see me in a movie for instance there'd be two pictures playing they used to have I thought I might be in the other movie he'd see me and I'd want to do my best because he said that he thought that I should act on the stage and people who were around heard him say it they laughed but he said no I'm very serious at that time that was in 1950 in 1950 does one ever know that I mean I know certain qualities that I remembered at the time but I don't know exactly what I think that's mysterious no I can't say he gave me a feeling of security there wasn't any reason for him to really except he treated me as a human being and he was a very sensitive human being and treated me treated me as a sensitive person also I can't I don't know how to describe no of course it's very difficult let's talk about the end of her life what what was that like to find out it was very sad I was in New York July 18th we finished working together I went to New York I was putting together I was doing a big series with a big layout with a cover for a magazine called Cosmopolitan Magazine also we had done this book together I had put it all together and on a Friday afternoon I was in my office at the Sunday newspapers I was a correspondent and I get a phone call and Marilyn Monroe was calling this is Friday August 4th August 3rd I guess yeah and 1962 and she wants to know how things are going I said fine everything looks great the book I've got it all together and she says I've got to see you it's very important I says I'm trying to put everything together Marilyn George she said it's very important there are many things we have to talk about and there are some things that are very very shocking that you must know about you must come out she sounded very sad I said if you feel it's that urgent then I'll come out I'll this is Friday I'll try to get out there Monday I'll fly out Monday and so that weekend I went to the country and Sunday morning with my brother-in-law we went to a little store to get some rolls and things and I sat in the car listening to the radio music and my brother-in-law went in to buy some things and he comes running out and he says did you hear it on the radio I said what I said I didn't hear it it was music he says I just heard it on the radio in the shop Marilyn Monroe is dead and I turned white I said I can't believe it I'm supposed to leave Monday to see her I said is this a joke it's not nice to make jokes like this he says I swear it's not a joke so I got in the car and I left and I went back to New York City to my apartment it was about 100 miles away I was living on Sutton Place then and I get there and the doorman says to me there's some press people asking about you and he said I told him you're not here so I said alright good so I went up to my apartment the phone's ringing and everything I put on the TV and the radio and everything is Marilyn Monroe is dead and the phone rings it's the Associated Press a big agency wanting a statement and I says look I just got here give me a chance to get my breath I promise I'll talk to you but not right now my mind is not here you know so I try to get some sleep that night I couldn't sleep in the morning I went to my office and what was the sense of shock? describe the shock I turned white I couldn't believe it that she's dead here she's expecting me Monday morning Monday sometime Monday I was going to leave Monday and I can't can't be I mean how could she be dead? they didn't know they just found her dead that's all cause the details didn't come out then about the housekeeper and you know all that how what did you lose? what did I lose? I lost a friend a dear friend when I lost her and to this day I still think about her I loved her I mean she was a very sweet person and she was very kind and she said we do this book together and if anything should ever happen to me I'm going to count on you you know to see that everything is done the way we agreed and what did the world lose? the world lost a very sweet person that made them happy that brought joy for a few hours when they went into a dark theater to watch her films and they lost a very kind person and a person that loved everybody and had no hatred for anyone she didn't hate her husbands she loved them but the frustration was that she couldn't get them to understand her