Aesop & Son (un-restored) "The Fox and the Hound"

Doggone it, will you never learn? What are you trying to do, Junior? I'm trying to teach Spartacus how to juggle fruit, but he keeps dropping the watermelon. And he'll continue to drop it. You know the old saying, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I can't teach him an old trick. That's beside the point, my boy. Now you take the fable of the fox and the hound. Not too many years ago, a fox named Murgatroyd Cornelius Applefinger, or M.C.A., went out to Hollywood and opened a theatrical agency. Hello, hello, C.B. M.C.A. here. Say, C.B., I understand you're making a whale of a picture called Moby Richard, and you need a whale. Let me tell you, C.B., let me tell you, sure I got one. And he sings! Yes, the whale could sing all right, but he couldn't swim. Daryl, Daryl, baby, it's M.C.A. here. Look, sweetie, according to the trades, I see you're casting for the lead in King Kong. You need a gorilla. Let's not monkey around, Daryl. I got just the one for you. And he dances, like Ruby Keeler. True, he could dance all right, but he couldn't stand high places. Hello, Dory, baby, M.C.A. here. Look, Lolly just called. She tells me you're making an airplane picture called The Fly and the Mighty. Wonderful, sweetie. Guess what I got. Yeah. How'd you get? And he plays the drums. Yeah, he could play the drums with the best of them, but he couldn't fly an airplane. And with 10% of nothing coming in, M.C.A. was forced into giving up his luxurious suite of offices, and now hungry and destitute, he wandered the streets of the sprawling city. The lights of the theater marquees cut deeply. He was no longer a part of the thing he loved. His only thought now was to end it all and go to the low section of the big movie show in the sky. Taking the coward's way out, he took the road to the river and stood at the very brink of Pier 17. And that's when he first heard the sound that was to change his life. Hey, that sounds like somebody sweeping on the river. Not on the river, over the river. As he watched, the dog drifted into shore until he was directly overhead. Hey, dog. Doggy baby. Hey, doggy doll. Do you know what you're doing? Wake up! Uh, hi? What are you, some kind of nut or something? You can't fly, you're a dog. Oh, some folks, you know, walk in their sleep. I fly in my sleep, so sue me. M.C.A. knew a good thing when he saw it. A dog that flew would set Hollywood on its ears. Hello, hello, C.B. C.B., M.C.A. here. Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold it, C.B. Yeah, yeah, I know he sank. I showed him the picture, remember? I understand you're making devil dogs of the air. Now look, I don't got an air, Dale. I got a devil of a dog that really flies. You certain? This isn't another one of your fly-by-night tricks, M.C.A.? So help me, Selznick, this dog is a real sleeper. Okay, have him take this bomb, fly over the field, and drop it on the hangar. Right, right, C.B. Okay, Rover. Rock-a-bye doggy in the treetop. The director and the crew had never seen anything like it. The dog rose into the air and at an altitude of 1,000 feet did a perfect immelman and dropped the bomb. What did I tell you, C.B.? Amazing, colossal. Of course, he needs a little target practice. You mean he didn't hit the hangar? No, he wiped out Beverly Hills. Who happened to be the leading lady. But they signed up another one, and the next morning they also signed up the dog to a 99-year contract. Production began on Devil Dogs of the Air, and he was destined for stardom. The script called for power dives, strafing trains, diving under bridges, and crash landings. And Freddy was superb through all of it. Well, C.B., what do you say? Great, great, great, great? No doubt of it. We got a winner. All we got to shoot is the final love scene. Have Freddy on the set at six in the morning. And that's when the trouble began, because six in the morning is pretty early and Freddy needed his shut-eye. What's with Freddy? How can he do a love scene when I sound asleep? Oh, no, no, nothing, nothing, Steve. I'll fix it. Come on, Freddy. Up, up, boy. Up, up. And Freddy did go up into the air. This posed a problem, for without the love scene, the picture was worthless. Might just as well tear up his contract. No, no, C.B., don't be hasty, baby. I'll wake him up. I'll wake him. But no matter what he tried, the dog slept and flew on. Finally, in desperation, Freddy was chained to the floor of the huge sound stage, but alas, that didn't work either. The entire cast and crew of Devil Dogs of the Air rose to unbelievable heights and were never seen or heard from again. So, you see, Junior, you just can't teach an old dog new tricks. That's not a bad moral, Pop, but I got a better one. Oh, you're not going to say. Yep. Let sleeping dogs fly.