Aesop & Son (un-restored) "The Fox and the Three Weasels"

Oh, there you are, Junior. Don't you know dinner's on the table? Oh, please, don't mention dinner, Dad. Oh, off your feet, eh? Yeah, thanks to one of your morals. Oh, which one is that? An apple a day keeps the doctor away. That's not one of mine. Besides, it looks like you've had more than one apple. Oh, but golly, you wouldn't think 14 of them would give you a tummy ache. You would if they weren't ripe. But they are ripe. Look how red they are. Well, the skin may be ripe, but inside there's something else. Like I always say, son, you can't judge a book by its cover. These are apples, Dad, not... I'm reminded of a fable I wrote some years ago, The Fox and the Three Weasels. Weasels have a very unsavory reputation, especially three weasels named Tom, Dick, and Larry. They began life behind bars, the bars of a playpen. We have got to break out of here. Yeah, I'm getting stir crazy, see? I lost my pacifier. That night, when all was still, a rattle with a serrated edge was brought out. And the result was that three errant characters went out into society to launch an unparalleled crime wave. They began by holding up trains that ran under Christmas trees. Next, they robbed diggy banks. They even sank so low as to take candy from babies. What a haul. Yeah, 11 cents, see? And 14 all day, suckers. But these dastardly deeds brought the minions of the law hot on the heels of the weasel gang. Of all the stupid things. Yeah, we'll be back in our playpen before we know it. And then fate intervened. For just ahead, a bridge spanned a river. Across the river is the state line. They couldn't follow us there. But look at the bridge. It's like only half completed. So what? Halfway across the state line is better than nothing. Offhanded, you'd surmise that this was the finish of the weasel gang. But such wasn't the case. For a ferry boat happened to be on the river and the getaway car simply fell to the parking area. But this time fate wasn't so kind. For that ferry boat was on a sightseeing cruise and her first stop was Stony Island, home of the state prison. Naturally, the newspapers played it up big and one of the periodicals came to the attention of Tycoon J. Fox, the canned soup millionaire. I could use three lads like those. Indeed he could, for his canned soup empire was tottering. Sorry, T.J., but there's no market for chocolate soup. No, no, chief. It isn't the alphabet soup the customer's object to. It's what the letters spell out when they pour it. Maybe it's your advertising, boss. I mean a motto that says, it's what we drank on the Titanic. My only salvation lies in winning the annual new soup contest. I've got to come up with a new soup. And then one day an old janitor who had once washed windows in Tibet swept his way into the Fox's office. What's this, Broomington? Your resignation? No, Mr. Fox. That's an ancient recipe. It shows you how to make the soup of the seven moons. Fox knew a winner when he saw one. There was just one hitch. In order to make this soup, you must get the sprout of a hash bean and the pollen from a wallflower. The only way to get them is to steal them. That's where the weasel gang came in. The next morning, the Fox paid a visit to their cell. Then you will get those ingredients for me? Oh, sure. But how can we do it from in here? Now, wise guy, nobody's ever busted out of Stony Island. Oh, no. The guards are eating soup for dinner. My soup. At six that evening, the lights came on and the guards went out from eating Fox's soup. The weasels and their benefactor walked to freedom. All right, boys. Get going. I have to have that soup by tomorrow morning. The gang did their work well. They returned with their sack full and dumped the contents into a large vat. Now, leave me alone. I've got work to do. The new soup contest was practically over by the time the Fox arrived with his vat and the judges were about to announce the winner. No, do it. Don't say a word until you've tasted this. That's where Tycoon J. Fox made his mistake. The judge took one small sip and immediately turned blue. My stars. Look what's in that vat. There swimming among the has-beens were old shoes, alarm clocks, license plates, and alligator wallets. The Fox turned to the three weasels. I told you to steal has-beens and wallflowers. And the Fox and the weasels went to prison. So you see, my boy, you can't judge a book by its cover. The fable's right, but the moral's wrong, Pop. What should it be? Too many crooks spoil the broth. He'll make your head spin. He's Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice. And he's coming to your TV at 7.30. Hey, guys and gals, it's me, Lauren D. Tune in at 3 o'clock to the Fun Zone to see me, Lauren D, upset it. Now get ready for the stupendous sleuth, Inspector Gadget, next year on 39WDZR.