Aesop & Son (un-restored) "The Fox and the Woodman"

Junior, my boy, I've done it. What's that, Pop? I've written the great American fable. How's that again, Pop? I can see it now. My name going down in history alongside of such immortals as Shakespeare, Dante, Balzac... Alfred E. Newman. The toast of Parisian literary circles. Tease. What's the name of the fable, Pop? The name of the... Oh, yes, yes. Well, it's called The Fox and the Woodman. Nice ring to that, huh, Junior? The Fox and the Woodman? The great American fable, huh, Pop? This I got to hear. Will you lay it on me, Pop? Why, certainly, certainly. But don't get any ideas. I've sent for the copyright. I'm your son, Pop. If you can't trust your own son... Oh, that's right, that's right. I got carried away. You remember all that trouble I had with Mother... What's her name? Goose? Yes, Goose. Mother Goose. Stole every idea I had. In fact, I had to get out of fairy tales and into fables on account of her. Well, Junior, our story starts out like this. I've got problems. You see, I was a very peaceful fellow by nature. But it seemed that no matter where I moved, I seemed to always get into trouble. I guess it's because I have such a sneaky face. Now, don't give me that, Oh, no, you haven't, Jazz. No, I've got a sneaky face. All of us foxes have sneaky faces. We've got the reputation for being sneaky, like a fox. Well, anyway, I had so much trouble in the city, moving from neighborhood to neighborhood, always running with the wrong crowd. Rats, weasels, alley cats. Not that I like them, mind you, but with a face like mine, who can be choosy? Here comes Fox. No! That must be the leader. The one over there with the sneaky face. That's him! That's him! The sneaky one! The one with the sneaky face! Well, anyway, like I was saying, I had so much trouble in the city that I decided to move to the country. You know, Thorough, commuting with nature, trees, brooks, grass. Get away from the rough crowd I was hanging with. Meet some nice, honest people. The start of a new life. Yikes! There he is! Yikes? Oh, perhaps this is the way these simple, honest country folk greet new arrivals. Yikes there! Yikes! It is I, Rainer de Fox. There he is! This is a greeting. Who needs it? Pardon me, sir. I couldn't help noticing what an honest face you have. Yes, I do have an honest face, don't I? Oh, the most honest. Say, with a face like that, I was wondering... Yes? Well, you see, there's a bunch of hounds and hunters chasing me. There he goes! No! Yes, I see there are. Well, I know this is an imposition, but with your honest face and everything... Over here! Over here! I was wondering if you... Well, I mean, I hate to be a drag, but... Could you hide me? I couldn't hear you for all that commotion. What did you say? You weren't paying attention. Now, listen. Could you hide me? Why not? Well, there's one thing, though. Would you mind not telling them where you've hidden me? I mean, in case anyone should ask. Oh, I won't say a word. So, I'm in this giant pot, and he sits there with his honest face, waiting for the hunters to arrive. I say, Woodman! Have you seen a fox with a sneaky face? Oh! Oh! Oh, charades! Let's see now. One word. Category. One word. Sounds like box. Box. Box. Locks? No. How about fox? That's it. Fox. Where is he? Second word. Preposition. Of. At. But. In. Oh, that's it. In. Fox. In. Third word. Three letters. Round. Round. No, no. Eat out of round? No. Bowl. Bowl. Pot. That's it. That's it. Fox in pot. But let's face it, old bean. There's nothing in this pot. And especially, there's not a fox in this pot. But... But I told him to hide there myself. That's right, Woodman. And you said I had such an honest face. An honest face in the heart of a fink. We foxes may have sneaky faces, but at least we don't go around having people hunts. Think that over. Tally-ho! So I went back to my group in the city. You know, rats, weasels, alley cats. But there was one thing I found out. It takes more than a face to be honest. You've got to have it here. Right, rat? Right, fox. But listen. That's an interesting idea, you know. Those people hunts. I mean, with the horses and the hounds. And the color. The sound of the horn. The chase. Oh, come on! Well, there it is, Junior. Succinct, beautiful prose. Pulitzer Prize stuff, don't you think? There's no moral? Oh, yes, the moral. All right, let's hear it. Open the case of an honest face, and nine out of ten times you'll find beneath the case is a horrible face that is sneaky. Open the case! All right, Junior. All right.