Our Struggles with Body Image | ALL ACCESS w/ AZRA & AISHA - EP. 6

A Big Spark Studios original. Hey guys, I'm Azra and I'm Aisha and we're the Mian twins. And this is another episode of our podcast, All Access with Azra and Aisha. And this is going to be a more in-depth episode, something that we wanted to talk about with you guys because it's something we're really passionate about and have dealt with. And also you guys, when we put up a poll on our Instagram asking what you guys wanted us to talk about, that was a really, really frequent topic. And it's going to be more based around mental health and body image issues and kind of like our struggles with it as well as like things, the ways that we dealt with it, especially coming out to California. I feel like like, or just social media in general, just takes a huge toll on your mental health. And you know, we were going through things before that even happened. So there's just a lot of things that I feel like you guys, maybe we've touched on it briefly, but maybe you guys don't really know about us and we want to help anyone else that is struggling with the same things that we have before. I mean, some of it we're not struggling with anymore, but some of it we are. So I feel like it was a really important topic to bring up, especially since it was really highly requested. So I hope a lot of you guys are okay. But yeah, I feel like it was really important. And we did touch base on this topic. I don't know if any of you all have seen our reality show, but we did do a reality show with our old roommates and it was called House of Creators. And there was an episode, I think like the second or third one where, because it's so real and so organic that camera happened to catch Oz or kind of having like a little breakdown, which had to do a lot with, you know, her mental health and her struggles. So we can even talk about that episode a little bit because fans love to pull that clip and like make edits of like you and you were sad and then now you all like, you know, glowing up and stuff. So we can even touch based on like what you were dealing with then. Cause I feel like people might be curious to know a little bit more about it. But yeah. Where should we even start? Should I just start with that then? I want to backtrack to like maybe before we even moved to California and how we started like struggling because I feel like that gives a better timeline. So Ozra and I, we were living back home, going to school. And I would say this became a concern for us. Well, for me, I really didn't deal much with mental health issues personally. But you did. But for me, I did deal with a lot of body image issues. And I don't even want to consider it an eating disorder cause I was never diagnosed, but some can take it that way based on, you know, what I will be telling you guys. Um, but we both were going to high school. We would even like find our whole life with, you know, our bodies, um, to a certain extent, like obviously like social media makes you want to like learn a certain way or, um, change things about yourself because you see everyone else looks like this or whatever. Um, so yeah, I remember growing up even in like seventh, eighth grade, we were like, let's lose weight, let's lose weight. But like always us telling each other that. And like we stare at ourself in the mirror way too long every single day when we pass by and we turn around and look at our stomach was poking out. Like it was just that kind of stuff that I feel like started, um, a journey going forward. Um, I would say, I feel like it started in high school mostly. Um, maybe like junior year I think is when it really happened. Um, sometimes it makes me really upset to think about the whole situation because sometimes I feel like it was my fault that you went through anything because I saw me go like go through what I was going through, like with my body and um, my eating habits and you wanted to copy me because you want to be like me. And so I feel like I put myself at fault for so long saying that none of this would have happened to you if I was like insecure, insecure. Um, if that makes sense. So I do blame myself a lot for you going through it as well. But I know I shouldn't. But like when you're the one that causes that person to do the same things or like take your habits. No, I don't even think you should say that. Um, I like took your habits. I think I found my own way to like go about it because like obviously it was like an underlying thing for me too that I was going through. So don't fully put the blame on yourself. Like obviously it was something in my own head that I didn't like about myself. It wasn't fully you, you know what I mean? Yeah. But, um, I'm gonna, I'm going to talk about something that no one really talks about when it comes to, um, body image and eating disorders because ours developed from something very specific. Yeah. And you remember, and I remember, and it's crazy that people don't talk about this because I feel like it happens with a lot, a lot of people, which is really, really sad. Yeah. So I would say around junior years when we started, um, we had two friends in high school that introduced us into K-pop and we became obsessed with the music, with, you know, the dancing, the choreography, all the hard work they put into, you know, what they were doing and how hard they were working that, you know, I'm sure you guys have seen viral videos like on social media of like some of the members passing out because they haven't eaten or this, that, and this, and that. So we started watching a lot of like a long documentaries or videos of like K-pop groups and like their day-to-day routines as trainees because they'd be training for like years at a time and they had to be on really strict diets. And I don't want to say like anything bad about K-pop because obviously we both still love it. But I think there's some things that like I don't think that they realize that their audience pays attention to because once you're looking up to these idols, because they are literally idols to a really big crowd and the whole world, like K-pop is huge now, like everyone who's who BTS is like all that stuff, you know? So they have such a big impact and I know they don't want their fans or people to struggle with any sort of mental health or like image. I'm sure most of them have, you know, their own issues in regards to that stuff. Yeah. So it's just a very like controversial topic I feel like to bring up because I've seen a couple of people talk about it and like these fans will get mad at you if you approach it the wrong way, I guess. A hundred percent. But I think we both know how to approach it cause we both love K-pop and understand, but it's like after seeing these videos, like throughout like the end of our high school, we were like, Oh, so like the right thing to do is drink black coffee for the day and eat a couple almonds or a rice cake and then go to sleep and then run on the treadmill for two hours and call it a day. You know what I mean? And um, I'll never forget there was one diet. It was called the IU diet. IU was a really famous idol as well. She's stunning, beautiful. And there was this thing that she would do is three days before performance, all she would eat was an apple, a sweet potato and protein shake. And you did that three days in a row. And then, um, so yeah, that's what I saw her doing. And I was like, Oh, I want to try this IU diet. And like little did I know, like I shouldn't have done that. Like I felt sick every single day. Like you couldn't get out of bed. I was so weak and I just developed really bad. Like I would not want to eat over 300 calories a day. You wouldn't want to eat past like seven o'clock PM. And then I thought it would like stain her stomach and you gained fat. Exactly. And then I would go to the gym right after I would eat and try to burn off all the calories of what I ate that day. And I'll never forget one day I was at the gym with you and I was on the treadmill and I literally almost passed out and I had literally go outside and I like literally sat in the floor outside right in front of the gym. I had my head down and I was like, Aisha, I might pass out right now. You might just have to call the ambulance. Like I was like calming myself because like, I don't, it was such a scary feeling. And then you were freaking out. I was like, Aisha, don't freak out. I'll be fine. Just like the water's I was, you gave me water. Water wasn't helping. I was shaking. I literally had like how my mom can pick me up and it was just a scary, such a scary moment. I had to lie to my mom and tell her that I took too much pre-workout and she was like, Oh, she was so stupid. Oh my God. And then she started yelling at me, don't take pre-workout again. And then I would just upset at myself. I'm like, Oh, it was just a mess. Yeah. So basically I would say around that happened like what? Senior year around? Like junior, senior year of high school, I would say. Yeah. And then adding onto that, like, let's be completely honest. We were doing, this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy. We talk about BetterHelp a lot on the show. And this month we're discussing some of the stigmas around mental health. One thing about therapy that people seem to have the wrong idea of is that it's a bad thing or that it's meant for crazy people or that it's like mental people that are not mentally stable. And that's something that really upsets me because obviously, you know, we need to learn how to control our emotions or let it out and, you know, not just push it aside. And I think therapy is a great way for people to be able to open up to someone about how they're feeling or what they're going through. And I think it's just something that should become more normalized. Like, for example, we go to the gym to take care of our bodies, right? You can go to therapy to take care of your mind. I feel like there's such a great resource that we have available to us to help us. And I just think we should be taking full advantage of that, you know? I agree. And BetterHelp is a customized online therapy that offers video, phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to, which is amazing because I know some people do get uncomfortable with that. And it is so much more affordable than an in-person therapy. And you could be matched with a therapist in literally under 48 hours. If you guys want to give it a try, you definitely should. And see why over 2 million people have used BetterHelp online therapy. This podcast, again, is sponsored by BetterHelp and All Access. Listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash All Access. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash All Access. Beautiful. Go check it out, guys. YouTube for a while at this time. So like, obviously we'd watch so many people on social media. And at this time, this is when TikTok started getting big. So we'd watch people look up to them and like, be like, Oh, I want to look like that. And then it motivated us more to want to lose weight or look a certain way or do this to ourselves or that. So, um, I would say it stemmed from K-pop and then it kind of escalated when we moved out to California, which was a year and a half, a little over a year and a half ago. Yeah. And, um, we moved into the compound as you guys know, but it's not only that, but like you surround yourself with all these social media creators every single day and you see the way that they eat. Like so many people around us would eat like a meal a day. So it influences even more to be like, Oh, we can't be eating junk food or this or that. It's so upsetting because you see so many of these influencers and people that you that you look up to that I look up to and you meet them and you see their habits and you're like, that is so unhealthy. And you're like literally lying to your fans and you're lying to all the people that look up to you by telling them this is what you eat because they'll pretend they eat a whole day's worth of food. But when I see them in person, they're eating like, I don't know, a shake and call it a day. Like we're drinking a shake. Like it's just so sad. Like I feel like that's why social media is so toxic to the audience, the public eye, because when we were in it, I, all I would do is look at these influencers, these celebrities, these people, cause they look skinny. They're beautiful. They're this, that like, it's just so sad because it's, it's really not a reality of what real life is. Like we really, we're such normal people that like, I know what, like it's so easy to tell when someone else is going through the same thing. Like when I look at someone, like they'll do a certain thing, like they have a habit that I used to have. I'm just like, only, I wish you could just open up to me. I could tell you like, yeah, but I will say like we both can, I think, which we'll get into later, like we both overcome that struggle. Like we're, we're good now. Thank God, you know, like we figured out how to kind of get out of that, out of that bad, like, um, mental state and, um, having those issues with ourselves. How do you, how do you think you got out of those bad habits? Oh my gosh. I honestly have no idea. I think, I feel like it was after you, um, why don't you explain the episode first? Cause I feel like we both kind of got out of it after that. Yeah. After our reality show. Yeah. So I would say after this whole thing happened in high school, whatever, I'll never forget our teacher, Mr. Seleski that we talk about all the time. He was our favorite teacher. He came up to me one day, it was like the end of senior year. And he goes to me, he goes, are you okay? I was like, yeah. Like what's up? And he goes, I don't know, like you look, you're looking really skinny. I lost 20 pounds in a month. Like this is during school and everyone was telling me like, so good. I lost, I kept doing, kept doing it. I literally lost 20 pounds in a month and he noticed it and he was like, are you okay? Like, are you healthy? I'm like, yeah, yeah. Like I'm fine. I honestly took it as a compliment, which is so sad. But, um, I feel like after that, once we started college, I, I definitely struggled it, but it wasn't as bad. I don't even know what really helped me to get through college. Um, but my eating habits were definitely not as bad, but I feel like it started back up, like you said, when I moved into California. And, um, I think the biggest thing was, is that now that we had a following, we were allowing people's judgment, you know, that's what it is. You're allowing those comments to happen. And like, you're going to see them no matter what, like, that's why I feel like now it's so important. And if you see any sort of bad comment or hate comment, that's what I know to turn my phone off because if I'm scrolling, it's all good. It's all good. One bad thing. I will stop my phone, shut it off and I'll close the app because it's not worth it. But I feel like what really started that was I was being compared to Aisha a lot. Like once we started blowing up and I would literally take screenshots of all the bad comments. I literally have them in my phone still remember people. And I would literally just go to sleep crying and reading them because people always be like, Oh, Aisha is the prettier one. Azra is fatter. Azra needs to lose weight. Azra is just plain hideous. And like, they just try to say things cause they're, I don't know, trying to get in your head, in your head. If that makes sense, obviously like these comments weren't true. And I just allowed myself to believe that, believe it all because it's all I'm seeing. So I would, you know, try to tell myself, wow, Azra, like you really do need to lose weight. Everyone thinks you're fat. Like what is going on? And, um, to this day, like since we were little, I was always the heavier twin. That's not a problem. It's not a bad thing, you know, it's just like how it is. It's, it's, you can't even change that. Um, so once we started filming our reality show, which was about a year ago, I think it was exactly, yeah, it was. Um, so I was being, I was really overwhelmed because I was feeling really insecure that day. I felt really bloated and I just was like, whatever. I was having mood swings, whatever. Like it was the time of the month. So, um, I remember I was sitting in my room and one of the producers came into my room and she was like, Hey, I just want to let you know that today we're going to, um, try to focus a lot on you and your sister for, for today's like, um, filming. So I was like, this is like the one day I literally don't want to be on camera. I don't feel pretty. I feel so ugly. Like I, the one day that I did not want to be on camera at all, they come up to me and tell me that they're going to be following me and Aisha around like for 10 hours. So then I was just sitting there like, Oh, okay. Like, no problem. She closes the door and I'm like trying to mentally prepare my room. Don't you have your mic on at this point? And I hear you crying. Oh my God. Oh, I was so upset. No, I didn't have my mic on. Yeah. Julie said you did. I did. No, I had my mic on after, like after she told me that I was going to, they were going to film with us. I finished getting ready in my room, went outside, Cody put the mic pack on me and I was like, okay, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. Then you went back to your room. And I went back to my room and I was just sitting in my bed. And then I started to have kind of like a panic attack and like I just started crying and I didn't want the cameras to catch it. So I ran, I'm an idiot. Obviously they're going to hear me crying for my mic and I didn't realize that. I'm like, you know, if they don't see me, they could hear me. So I ran outside to like the front of the door and I was like eating an apple because I was trying to do that diet again when you're eating those three things a day. So in the episode you see me holding an apple and while I was in my room eating that apple, I was like, Oh my God, what am I doing? Like I was going back into that mindset and what scared me the most was I was catching myself falling back into my bad habits, which caused me to be so mentally like destroyed. And once I started eating that apple, like I looked at it and I was like, Oh my God, like, Azra, don't do this again. You know how bad it ended last time. You know how much you regretted it. And then I was like catching myself, like falling into it, which is like so scary, especially when you catch it. Um, it's like, do you have the control to get back out of it? Exactly. You have to be so strong. And I'm so lucky. It's so sad to say, like, I was very embarrassed in the moment when it all happened, but I'm so lucky that was all on camera and you were there because you heard me crying. You were there to help me because if you guys weren't there, I probably would have still done it. So I went outside and, um, I just started crying and the mic hurt, like my pack heard me. And then I looked to my left, like out because I was outside and I see a camera like, like the camera was just hiding right behind the bush. And I was like, you're kidding me. Yeah. And then I think one of the producers like tapped SJ or you and said, I'll just go crying, go see what's wrong. And then SJ came out and I was like crying even more. And then you came out. I was like, oh, God. And I was like, I can't even lie at this point about why I was crying. So I was like, I'm just going through it. I was like, I'm feeling so insecure. And, um, it was I've always briefly touched on like our body image situation and our, you know, our eating habits. I wouldn't I'm not going to say eating disorder because it wasn't diagnosed, like But we never really got to fully talk about it until that came out. And it's very like, sorry to put you off, like personal. No, it was. But to add on to that, it's like growing up, not going to lie, our parents didn't give us the healthiest diet. So we weren't the most, you know, fit kids or educated on what to do and what not to do. Like, for example, we thought the correct thing to do was in order to lose weight, you just don't eat, which is obviously not the case at all. But that's the thing. We didn't know that we weren't not like knowledgeable at all on that topic. So we didn't really know how to go about that. So I didn't like briefly want to say that if anyone is dealing with that, that's the complete wrong way to get out of higher feeling like don't not eat. That's so harmful to your body. Like, trust me, like we said, I still suffer from the consequences of that. My metabolism is shot. It's so bad because of what I did before to it that now it takes me so much longer to digest food. But if you're going through it, it's like no matter what anyone says, like they're going to do whatever you want. But I guess this is more of like a motivation to, like, tell you that you will get through it and that you will be OK, because in the moment it feels like it's the end of the world. And I know that feeling and I've been through it like twice. And I would say after that whole thing happened and everything was like public out there and those videos came out, I kind of told myself, like, now that everyone knows and I saw how like it was such a common thing with our fans and people that watched us literally tore me to pieces. And I was like, I don't want to be the representation of telling people that that's OK. Yeah. So I was like, I need to start living a healthier lifestyle. I need to promote that because like think about it. We're we're influencing. We're influencers like people look at us for it, for that kind of stuff. So if we're not showing them what the right thing to do is, then what's the point of our platform? Do you know what I mean? Exactly. And I think right now the the best thing that we have like accomplished or like, yeah, I guess accomplished is that we both now we don't focus on let's look extremely skinny or let's do this to our body or let's have like we don't we don't do that kind of thing. We're more like let's live a healthy lifestyle. And if there's something that we want to improve on ourselves, we'll work towards that in a healthy way, 100 percent in every way possible. So it's like if we say, sure, we want to lose a couple of pounds, we're still going to eat how much we should be eating. Go work out. You know what I mean? It's like do it correctly if you're going to do it. You know what I mean? And I just think that's the most important thing that we both learn going through this entire phase of not loving ourselves in that way is that like, first of all, learn to love yourself. And like the step one, because everything else follows. Yeah. Let's be completely real. Like, regardless of any of it, like we are in our own bodies for the rest of our life. And. Like, the only thing you can do is love it and take care of it and make sure that you're nourishing your body the right way, and then I just feel like that's so important and the right mindset to get to where you want to be. And listen, honestly, make it till you make it. In the beginning, it's the easiest thing. Like you got to like it's a mental game. A lot of it's a mental game. We talk about it a lot. Yeah, it's like the first thing is make sure your mind is at the right space and you're telling yourself, like, I love myself, I love my body, like this is the only body I have. I can't change that. This, that, this, that soon you'll learn to not accept it, but like love it and work towards your goal and work towards your goals in the right way. Yeah, 100 percent. And I feel like one of the hardest things to like overcome if you're going through that is. Learning to have a healthy relationship with food, because to this day, like I'll open a menu and like I'll be like, oh, you should get the salad. I really want the burger, but I really should get the salad because I know like I'm trying to eat healthier, but I really want the burger. Sometimes it's like for that. Like I saw a video on TikTok once and this girl said this is a healthy lifestyle and she shows working out, working out, eating healthy, eating healthy. But it isn't a. It isn't. Oh, yeah, I saw that. She said no. She said this. This is a it was something along the lines of her saying this is a healthy lifestyle and showed like working out, eating clean, eating clean, she goes, but it isn't the way she was healthy without this. And she shows like her eating cake and a burger and her, you know, partying with her friends like it's and that she was it's all about balance. And it's so true because like if I'm in that moment and like, let's say I have been eating good a couple of days, like I've been eating really clean, I'm really proud of myself, but I really want that burger. I'm going to go get that burger because you know what? My body deserves it. If I want it, I want it. And the hardest part is after I do that, I would always struggle with being upset with myself. Yeah, but I learned to not be upset with myself because like to me, that was a treat. I did good. Like, it's OK. Your body, if your body wants something and it's craving it, you should give it to it. Like, obviously, you don't do an X, an excess, excess, an excessive, excessive amount. That's the word amount of it, because then obviously that can lead to binging. So it's it's a lot to learn and you'll you'll learn it as, you know, time goes on. It's not going to happen overnight. It was definitely probably in a year and a half process to get to where I am now. Yeah. Well, you know what I noticed? It's super random, but I was just thinking about this. Like after watching so many stories about people that have struggled and have even gone to like, you know, points of anorexia and all this stuff, I have noticed so many. I'm going to say girls specifically because I like personally know a couple girls in my life. I'm sure this happened to guys as well. But well, I know it has, but they all of a sudden become super fit in the gym after going through that because they know the correct ways to fuel their body and build muscle. And all of a sudden they get shredded. And it's like because of all the things like that they've struggled with, they learn that they need to feed their body. And that's the way to get to, you know, where you want to be in one of our cousins, like one of my own cousins. I feel so bad. We lowkey got her in the same spot that we did because she was sitting next to me on the train once and I was drinking a coffee and she like really didn't like like coffee. And I was like, oh, like I make this like my breakfast lunch. It keeps me full all day. And she kind of got into the really bad habits that I did. She lost a lot of weight. We all kind of did together. Yeah. And I felt so bad. But now she's literally like lifting heavy at the gym. She got ripped like she looks amazing. She looks amazing. Obviously, like what she wants to do, like that's her goal. And I'm like so proud of her. But I'm like, I've noticed so many people that did struggle. They always come out the best that they've ever felt when they fall right into the right mindset of loving their body and feeling it. And so once you feel we're both lowkey in that phase right now, we are. We're just like, let's go to the gym and lift heavy and be like the big guys, you know, when I have a big butt, small waist. But yeah, no, I was even going to say going back to that when you were saying that now she became like a gym head, whatever, after going through the whole thing, like I feel like that does happen very often. But I feel like one of the hardest struggles is once you're transitioning from, I guess, that state into a healthier one, it is very normal to like gain weight, for example, like I did once I got out of the mindset, I gained like 15, 20 pounds. And and so easy when you get there to fall right back into it. And I think that's what happened to me when it happened the second time. But that's where you really need to just like doing it in a healthy way. I can't stress that enough, because then you'll see the results the fastest, if that makes sense. I mean, whatever your goals are, if that makes sense. But we also did ask you guys on Instagram about this topic and some questions you might have that are more personal to us. So you can kind of touch base. So I'm going to answer one right now. This one says, do the hate comments or positive comments have a bigger impact on you? And I would say. I would say in the place that I'm at right now, the positive comments have more of an impact on me because I feel like when I was first starting off, the hate comments were really influential as to how I would feel or make myself seem on camera or change the way I look. But now that I've become so comfortable with how I look and how I feel and loving myself, that reading comments that are positive towards me fuels me to even be better. Does that make sense? Like, I don't know how it is for you. Like, do the comments still get to you? Honestly, like I said, I think what's helped me, one of the most important things that I've learned is that obviously there's always going to be the good comments at the top. And then when you scroll a little too deep, that's when you see the bad ones. And my tip is to literally stop when you see that. And that's what has helped me the most. That's why I don't let those hate comments get to me anymore. I really pay attention to the good ones, because at the end of the day, if you really look at it, 90, I mean, for us at least, it can't go for everyone, but 90 percent of our comment section is good. And it's only 10 percent that's bad. But we like, it's so easy to search for the bad ones, just like if you to feed into it. And that's what you can't do. So that's why I'm just like, why would you be hung over that 10 percent when you have 90 percent? That's amazing. Yeah. If that makes sense. And there's one question that I see over here that I want to answer. Someone said, I advise you to give your younger fans who go through body shaming and don't have support. Well, I would say that's kind of more what we really touch base on, like. At the end of the day, you're yourself, like you shouldn't be letting other people's judgment affect how you view yourself and like loving yourself, I feel pretty touch base on that. We did. And I want to bring this up and I don't know if it's bad to say this, but this is really how I feel. They're just jealous. There's clearly something they're going through personally that they feel the need to go tell you something about your body. Yeah. And I think that's what it is. That's why, like if people ever say something about us now, I'm just like, you know what? It's OK. You're I like to I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt and to say like whatever you're going through, I hope you get through it. And it's so easy to just like get mad and upset over it. But once you change your mindset and try to think of things in a more positive light, I feel like that's when you'll find yourself the happiest. Yeah. Oh, let me touch base on this one, because this is something that. Growing up, you and me have tried before, which I'm so disappointed that we've even done this to ourselves, but coming from a family that. Didn't understand why we were doing certain things, because their mindset was just like, eat food, it's good for you. But someone mentioned like I'm recovering from like bulimia, which is bingeing and purging. Yeah. So when you eat and then throw up your food, you don't want to eat away. And they were like, it's hard when you're from a you have South Asian parents and they don't understand why you're doing it. So let me touch base on that a little bit. Both my parents and two older sisters growing up, they they were always they didn't deal with, you know, body image or struggles with eating or bad relationship with food. So they never understood why we did it. And as to why we'd always be like, no, we don't want to eat dinner tonight. My mom would force us to go to the kitchen. And I remember one day I was so upset with myself. That for the longest time, she was saying this, but we would always buy laxatives, remember, and we'd sneak it after, you know, go shopping, we'd get a box of like chocolate laxatives, keep it in our drawer and hide it. So like our mom didn't see us buying it and taking it almost every single night, which is so, so bad for you because it also causes like dehydration if you don't drink enough water. So like the days where I'd be like a zombie because like I had nothing in my body. Yeah. But there was one day where I don't think we had any and I ate so much. I binged a lot of food because I didn't eat the whole day. And then obviously at like 11 p.m. I was starving. So I went to the kitchen and ate like a disgusting amount of food. That was so bad. I went in the bathroom and tried to throw it up, but like it didn't work. Me too. And I think I was scaring myself into doing it. That I was like in the bathroom, shedding a tear, and I was like, what am I doing? I think we did that the same week. I have a feeling we did it because I think I think it was around the same time. And I think I think I heard you in the bathroom. Did you turn the sink on? Yeah. Yeah. I did the same thing. But it's like it's just my parents don't even know I did that. I don't think they do right now even. But it's so hard to describe to people that don't understand what you're going through because they can't relate or they look at like they look at you like you're crazy, like you look good, like stop. What are you doing? And then like you're just going to sit there like if only you knew, like if only you knew. And it's just it's such a sensitive topic that like when I would see my friends going through things as well, like I wouldn't know if I should approach it or like talk to them about it or if I should just let them be. It's just it's a very scary thing to go through. Yeah. Do you know who I want to give credit to that kind of helped us both? Because I actually remember thinking this for the longest time when we first moved into the compound. Kellyanne was like super fit, right? Like she's still a super fit. But I would see her with Chase and they'd be eating like, you know, sandwiches or pasta or this or that. And I'd be like, how is she like so fit? But she can eat all like these carby foods, for example. And I'm like, like good for her. I want to get to that point where I can do that. But it was like, no, she was just doing what you shouldn't be doing to your body and it's giving it the right nutrition and feeding it. Yeah. And I think that she's actually a big part as to like why both of us became more comfortable. And Chase as well, to be honest, 100 percent, 100 percent. Like just seeing him be so motivated, like seeing how some people have such a strong relationship with relationship with food and like, I guess, no temptation. It was so motivating to chase for Chase to be like, oh, look, I'm on a diet. I can just eat this and someone offer him a cookie and be like, no, I'm good for me. Like I said, they're like, oh, my God, I want the cookie. I want the cookie with cookie. And like it also made me learn, like, I guess what's the word I'm looking for? Discipline. Like I said, sometimes it's good to have it, but sometimes you do need discipline because you can go overboard. So definitely we have to give Chase and Kelly credit. I feel like watching them and seeing their eating habits was very motivating. I'm trying to find a couple more questions. Someone said, how do you stay motivated to work out? For me, that's what I still struggle with. Not going to lie. You know, it's so crazy. I, I would say the opposite. It's easier for me to get into the gym than it is for me to eat super clean. Like I do one and I don't do the other and I switch it. I do want to balance like you obviously know, like what you want when you want it. And if like you're not motivated to go for a day, like sure, it won't hurt you. But like you got to keep up with it, because that's something that I learned was. When you're going to start working out and really going to the gym, like the first two weeks are the hardest, it's like getting yourself out of bed is such a struggle. And then when you kind of hit that two week period where that passes, it becomes routine and that goes for anything in your life. Like if you start doing it every day, it's going to become part of your routine. You won't have to think twice about it. And I would say I've been so consistent in the gym for the past year and a half, which is the most I've ever been in my entire life. I remember when I was like, you know, first in high school, I would try to go and I go like once a week thinking of like do something, you know what I mean? Like, no, it's just consistency is key for anything. And that goes for anything in life. You know what I mean? Like to be consistent with what you're doing and you're going to see results. Um, a hundred percent. Yeah. Um, I've heard about body positive influencers are a huge body shaming, are body shaming people in your life. Any thoughts on that? I don't think I've ever seen or witnessed any of that myself. I don't think I have either, but it's, there's one thing I do want to bring up, which is so like not wild, but it's so normal nowadays. Like the people that are watching our videos or not just ours, but in general, like social media, like influencers, the audience really has no idea like what they go through personally, which is mind blowing. But also like we portray, I'm not saying us, but I'm saying people that are influencers portray such a false image of how they are because first of all, facetune, like editing all their pictures, not gonna lie. Do I facetune some of my pictures? Like if I have a pimple, if I don't like my hair, if my nose and the side is like a little lopsided, yes. Do I fix it? A hundred percent. It's so sad to say, but I do it. I'm not going to lie. If someone asked me, do I Photoshop, not Photoshop, but do I facetune it? I'm not going to lie. Yes I do. Um, but some people will, what drives me insane is when people deny it. When it's very obvious that they do. Um, if you don't, obviously like good for you. If you do like, I don't think there's any shame in that. And I figured it's right. You'd rather tell your fans, your people that you do that rather than saying this is how I look because it's not how you look. Um, which is why you're also creating a false image, a false image of yourself because you're basically saying that this is how I look when you don't. And I just think that that's something that I don't stress enough because it's like, I just want to make it clear to you guys that, well, for us to personally, we're making it clear that sure we do edit some of our pictures. Um, and we want you guys to know that we do. So if there's, you know, like let's say a video and we have something on our forehead or like a pimple and you're like, Oh, but she didn't have it in the picture. Cause I've gotten messed. Like I remember, didn't we get like a message before where it was like, um, all these girls looking nothing like they do in their life cause they edit their pictures. Right. And I was just like, I never said I didn't like, sure. We want to look our best on social media. We use filters, right? We use filters to cover up. Everyone wants to make themselves look the best. So I just think that it sucks though when people deny that and it's just, it's not fair. You know what I mean? Like it's okay to say you do. Like everyone does it. Like why would somebody be mad at you for doing it? Everyone does it. Like it's so normal nowadays, if that makes sense, which we're not saying is right, but it's also just what everyone does. I guess we're just kind of following the trends. Yeah, that's true. Um, there's one comment I see. It doesn't really have to do with body image, but how do you feel confident with acne? And I'm going to put this one in their body hair because that is something we and our sisters have dealt with because we are half Pakistani. Um, that's something we dealt with a lot growing up and it was very mentally like, yeah. So for all, for both of us and our sisters as well, um, we have a higher level of testosterone than normal girls do. And that's because we're a Pakistani and that's a common thing. Um, so growing up we did have a lot of body hair. We got made fun of for having hair on our face or people would say we had mustaches or beards or whatever. And it just, it was, first of all, it's so heartbreaking that like there's so many kids out there right now that are struggling with that. Cause our older sister actually, she has PCOS, which means that, um, it's, I don't want to, polycystic ovarian syndrome, but um, I don't want to go into depth too much cause I don't want to give false information cause I don't know too much about it. But I do know that she struggled a lot with having like a lot of facial hair. Um, for a woman that most people don't. So she struggled, you know, she would get laser or she would like, Oh my God, she would, she would have to nair her face and she'd burn it. So she would literally have patches of burn marks on her face for years and years and years. And she dealt with this for so long. And you could see like how mentally like destroying it was to her. Like we would see her and like, I would cry. Like I feel so bad for her cause I could see how much it would affect her. Cause of the things that people would say to her at school or like, and then it started happening to us. And then she was like upset cause she didn't want it to happen to us cause we're her little sisters. And it's just heartbreaking. It is so heartbreaking. But I feel like, um, now all of us are, I feel like like you see more people now, which I'm so glad showing that they keep their body hair. And I love that. Like you'll see a girl and she like, let's say you won't shave for armpits. Some people might be like, Oh, that's so unladylike. What are you doing? I'm like, no, good for Harley. She doesn't feel insecure where she feels like she needs to because every other girl doesn't, you know what I mean? So I will say we both did struggle a lot. When it came to body hair, acne, we both still kind of struggle with it. But that's something that we both kind of like learn to accept, accept. And like, it's so crazy to say this cause I never thought I would say this like to my younger self, like four or five years ago when I was struggling with it a lot more like I'm okay with my acne. Like there's nothing about it that makes me more insecure. Like when I wake up in the morning and I see a pimple, it won't ruin my day anymore, which it used to. So, I mean, there's so many things that can add to your insecurities and your looks like body hair and acne and definitely gaining weight and losing weight. But it's like, I feel like I'm going back to the body hair and acne. I feel like maybe when we were younger, um, influencers weren't really a thing so like no one would just talk about it. So like if you had it, you were weird. Like, you know, but now I feel like now that social media is huge and portraying and showing it. Yeah. Like that's what makes me so glad is that I'm seeing more of that. I'm seeing more girls talk about their struggles with PCOS on TikTok or with acne and like what can help them. Like I feel like that is so good to see because these people that are watching it, they can know they're not alone. And for so long, I thought I was alone. I was like, no other girl in my class has this much like facial hair. And then I would think I'm like crazy. And then I would go home and I would tell my mom like I have to get this off. And like, she wouldn't have to say because like we're her daughters and like, you know, she loves us anyway. And then we'd be like, no, like we need to wax it or something. And she was like, no, like you're okay. You're okay. And it's just so sad to see. But I just, if you're going through it, there's, there's so much that I could say, but you're beautiful. One, two don't feel like you have to change because of what everyone else is thinking. But if it's something that you maybe want to get rid of, I think that one thing that has helped us, I'm just going to like say tips, um, would be laser, laser hair removal. Um, there's so many remedies as well. And I get that could be expensive. Um, so I'm trying to think of other good ways that someone can deal with something like that. That's a tough one because I feel like for us, we just learned to figure out what worked for us. Um, so everyone like deals with it differently. I mean like shaving and stuff. Yeah. But once again, this, the whole point is to for you guys to know that you don't need to do it because you have to at all or people, yeah. People say just like, yeah, you have to accept it. I did want to touch base on one last question and we can kind of wrap up this episode. Um, because this one is something that Oz or and I talk about a lot actually what's the LA gym culture like and is it healthy for you guys? Cause I think it's so funny. Um, there was one gym that I used to go to more than Ozra and I'm not going to say it because it's like not important. Um, I don't want to say it. You're going to know once I tell the story. Okay. But we'd go all the time and um, that gym specifically had more of the um, thinner, um, people working out and um, being in that environment wasn't as easy cause it was almost like, Oh, I don't feel like I fit in cause I am like on like the heavier side or like the thicker side. Or let me, let me rephrase that. I would go into like lift heavy and like try to gain muscle and try to gain um, like mass. Meanwhile, the people in that gym didn't have that. So I kind of fell out of place. Oh my God. When I walked out of place, I walked in there and I was like, I'm never coming back to this gym again just because, and you know, it's so crazy. Everyone that's watching definitely knows what this gym is because every influencer goes to it. But when I walked in there and they're like, I didn't not that I felt judgment, but I felt so out of place because I felt like I was just looking at a whole bunch of models that were like, you know, like beautiful skinny. And that's all so amazing. But like, I just didn't feel like that was my goal. So, and if, if I was in there, I probably would have felt into a bad mindset. So I was like, no, like this is not what you want. Like I don't think this is healthy for you. And then I left and then I never went back to that gym again. I only went once. Um, and now you get, we both go to a pretty good gym where we feel comfortable because everyone is just doing their own thing and minding their own business. Right. Um, I've always wanted to do like personal training, but never even got into that either. Sometimes I get nervous. Like me too. I'm like, what if I can't do like, what if he's telling me to like do something and I can't do it? Like then I would feel embarrassed or, which is such a big thing. Like once we first started going to the gym, it's like, you have that like stress of like walking in there and like people watching you. Yes. People watching like, what if you grab a weight and like it's too heavy and like it drops or like, like you're trying to do a workout and like you fall, like you feel so judge in there. But I want to let you know everyone in that gym is not looking at you. They're looking at themselves. Yeah. So that's what I think has helped me the most to realize no one's watching me. I like, no one's watching me. The only person watching the gym is yourself. Like you're the only one judging herself at the gym. So I know so many girls that like find that find it so hard to walk into a gym and that's what's one of their biggest like struggles because they feel like they're going to walk in there and now, right. And now Azra and I are like going over to like the guy's weightlifting like it was done with the rack and we're like so comfortable in the gym now, which is so great. Like we've made so much progress before we'd only stay in the treadmills. Like we not go out to any of the weightlifting stuff because I'd be embarrassed like that. They would look at me or they'd come up to me and tell me I'm doing it wrong. Yeah. And then I'd be like, I literally want to cry. Like in the moment. Cause I just had, sometimes I get social anxiety. So like, I don't know. I just never want to put myself in a situation where I'd feel like embarrassed or someone would tell me I'm doing something wrong or judged. But it's just like, it's really not like that because you start to realize as you get older that everyone's in there paying attention to only them, not you. So everyone's in there working on themselves. So yeah, definitely. But wow. We touched base on a lot of different things when it came to this subject. I feel like you both, um, we, everyone watching that knows us pretty well knows that this has been like something that we have dealt with for a long time after watching the reality show. And we still deal with them. I'm not saying like we're perfect now, you know, obviously everyone has their struggles, but I'm glad we, we made this one of the, um, earlier topics on our podcast. Um, for the sole reason being that we know that this would help so many people out that are watching us. Um, and yeah, if you guys do, honestly, like this is one thing I want to say is you guys do have any more questions or struggles or stories that you want to talk to us about, DM us on Instagram cause this is something that we both really want to help you guys on. Um, and yeah, we just want to be there for you guys and hope that y'all are okay. And also if you guys are going through something similar as well and you need help, please reach out for help. Um, we can link some numbers or sites for you guys to deal with that because I feel like it's really important and sometimes it's so, it feels to you so embarrassing to ask for help, but it's not at all embarrassing. And some of you guys might not have the resources. So we want to help you out. But, um, yeah, yeah. Um, hopefully you guys, um, found this episode super insightful and we will be back next week with all access with all the right ----. And yeah, once again, just let us know what you guys want us to talk about and give us a five star rating on Apple music on Apple podcasts. Sorry. And, um, yeah, subscribe to our YouTube channel. The videos are also, you know, up. So if you're listening to the audio part, you can also go watch us on YouTube if you want to see our faces. Yes. And yeah, we appreciate you guys and we love you guys so much. And yeah, we'll see you guys next week. I love you guys. Bye bye.