DON'T CALL ME PERFECT. Dealing w/ Addiction | BiancaReneeToday

Okay, let's just hop right into this. Really switching it up. Switching up the intro to the video, the topic, the tone. We're gonna get a little deep today. We're gonna talk about addiction. Struggling with addiction and how that can really take over your life if you aren't aware that you are addicted to something and you don't see it as a problem. So when we usually think of addiction, we think of the strong things like drugs or alcohol, some type of substance abuse. But there's so many other things that you could be addicted to like money, sex, success, your phone, social media, food, sugar, the list goes on. So although we might think of other things like it's not a big deal, it's something I can just get over and no one has to know about it, but you, you smoke and you get drunk all the time. So you're a much worse person than I am because I'm only addicted to this. But that's kinda what I wanna bring a light to is that we're so quick to judge other people for what they're addicted to because it might seem like a stronger or maybe more health risk type of thing. But if you aren't careful, those other frivolous things that might not be as life-threatening could definitely add a threat to your life. So for me, something that I've recently learned is something that I know that I am addicted to is perfection. And it kinda sounds like one of those things that you put in your resume when it's like, oh, what are one of your weaknesses? It's like, oh, I'm just, I just like to be perfect. And it's like a weakness, but not really. But no, it is a very, very toxic trait, an unrealistic trait to aspire for. And I kinda feel like the worst thing you can say to somebody is to call them perfect because you're automatically setting them up to fail because it's impossible. You are going to disappoint somebody. And I spend so much time even in my life trying not to disappoint anybody. So I be doing the most. I was that person in school that would get an A- and cry about it because it was a minus and I could have done better. So there's two types of people. There's the people that get the C- and they're like, hey, I passed, I'm good. And they could just live their life and they could be genuinely happy for that C- where if you're a perfectionist, even an A- is not good enough. It sucks. I would love to be as bliss as the C- person. And I could tell you up to this day, no one has ever asked me before getting a job what my grades were. So it's a lot of stress for nothing. So on one hand, I do think it's good to strive to be the best that you can be, but it's a very fine line and a really good balance between knowing that you're gonna do your best, but even if you don't, it's okay. So that is one thing that I even want to encourage as a mom now when raising my son, Jalen, is that I obviously want him to do his best. I still am going to expect good grades, but I don't want him to feel bad if he genuinely tried his best and did not get the results that he wanted because that's life. So here's the thing about me. Not only am I a perfectionist, I'm also a Taurus. Okay, so if you're into Zodiacs, you know that I'm a very strong-willed person. I like to be right. I'm a leader. I know how to get things done, and I also like to help people, and I will do anything that I have to do to help people. So that's a lot of leadership, go-getter goals, which is great, but with all of that comes a lot of responsibility that I put onto myself even when it's not asked upon me. So to correlate with being a perfectionist, I'm also a people pleaser, and I try to make everybody happy, and I also want everybody to like me. So when I find out that people don't like me, I have a problem with it. And as an influencer, it's probably not the best job to be in because you are going to get hateful comments and thumbs down for no reason with people that don't even know you, and they're going to judge what they see off of only things you post on Instagram or YouTube or whatever. So this video is not just for the perfectionists out there watching, but it's also for the people that are watching the perfectionists, and that really gets thrown in your face when it comes to places like Instagram and maybe even YouTube, but especially Instagram because that is a place where people will post the good things that happen to them. That's where people will post their good hair days and when their makeup does look good or when they go on vacation or when they're happy. I don't know about you, but I'm not following many people that are posting pictures of them crying, pictures of them going through a breakup, pictures of them dealing with financial issues, arguing with their spouse. You don't really see much of that on your feed. I can take a picture of myself right now and I can smooth out these wrinkles in the photo. I can tap right here, move this zit in a pic like that. It's really easy to look like you got it all together on Instagram. I'm kind of just making this video to let you guys know that I am not perfect, and I'm far from it, and I want you to take me off of whatever pedestal you might put me on. I know I get a lot of hashtag goals. Your hair is perfect, your skin is perfect, da da da. No, no, I'm just gonna shut that down right now because I am going to disappoint you. The more you think that I have it all together, one, you're setting me up to fail, to continue to reach those expectations that you've put on me, but I just want you to lower the bar because I'm going through my own things that I don't post on Instagram. I have personal issues happening at home. Royce and I love each other, we are together, but we've also gone through some things. So now I'm making this video for all the perfectionists out there, for people that put so much pressure on themselves. I don't want you to continue to do that because I've also been on the other side where things explode. I've had my life explode. And the hardest part about that is letting people down because what you have done does not fit in your perfect narrative. So even if you do something and people forgive you, when you are a true perfectionist that really has a problem with people not liking you or being disappointed in you, the hardest part about that is forgiving yourself. And that's something that I'm even struggling with to this day as I make this video because even now going through stuff, I still don't have the answers. I know what I'm supposed to do, so maybe I have the answer, but I haven't been able to fully apply it to myself yet. So I'm just hoping to catch somebody who is on the perfect train right now and I want you to slow it down before you also crash and disappoint people and now get to a point where you have a hard time forgiving yourself because it sucks and it's really, really, really hard to get through when you know you've disappointed people. So the biggest struggle with the addiction for perfection is not leaving room for error. With It's Perfect, there's no errors, but when you're human, there are. So you are not allowing yourself to be human because mistakes aren't allowed. And if I make one, I'm so hard on myself. And if I disappoint somebody, that person should be the most mad. But sometimes it feels like even when they're over it, I'm still mad at myself because not only did I disappoint myself, I disappointed someone else and I hurt them. And that's not okay. So I think I just say all this to say that whatever you see online, take with a grain of salt. It's a picture. There has been times where I have posted an old photo of me smiling while I'm crying. There's been times where I've had brand deals with deadlines and I have the content ready, so I have to post it on that day. Meanwhile, my life is in shambles and I'm actually crying on the bathroom floor. But what you see on Instagram is me promoting this hair product and everything is fine. At the time I took the photo, maybe it was. There's been times where I've had to pull it together, take the picture for the gram. I don't really consider that fake. It's just doing my job, but it's also not a realistic representation of my actual life at that moment. So to my content creators, I'm sure you can relate where you've had days where you just don't feel like talking, don't feel like smiling, not really gonna be a very motivational video because you're just not in it. And sometimes that shows if we try to push through and we watch it back and you hate the video you just created because you weren't really in it. But we do what we gotta do to make a living. But what I don't want to do is to continue to push a fake narrative. So I just want to be as real and transparent as I possibly can when I can. So that's why every blue moon you will see me with no makeup, no filter. You've seen my acne. You've seen my postpartum body. I don't know, I just try to show you guys as much as I am comfortable with. Just to remind you that I am far from perfect. And I really hope you also take it upon yourself to loosen those reins. From one perfectionist to another, I know how you feel and I know you want to be the best at everything. You want everybody to like you. You don't want any enemies. We all want that. But you can really damage yourself if you stay on that path. Strive for the best, but please leave room for mistakes and errors and be ready and willing to forgive yourself when you do. And what's even harder is to be able to forgive yourself once you mess up again. Because you will mess up again. Even if you tell yourself, I've learned my mistake, this will never happen again. Now I can be perfect. No, you haven't really learned your lesson. So no matter what you are addicted to, whether you think it's a meaningless thing or not, it will have a negative side effect if you don't get it under control. And I hope that you keep that in mind before you judge someone else for their addiction being different than yours, for someone else sinning differently than you. At the end of the day, God is the one judging our sins and in his eyes, it's all equal. This one is not worse than this one. They're literally the same. So this video is also a message to myself to accept that I make mistakes, to accept that I'm for sure going to get dislikes on this video. I'm going to have people upset that this is not a curly hair review or tutorial, and that I'm just talking. I have to accept that some people aren't gonna think I look good because I have acne. Some people aren't gonna like me because of the color of my skin. Some people might actually know me and know I have good intentions and will still find a way to see me as something else and just not like me. And what I'm not gonna continue to do is try to make people like me. If you don't, okay, I'd rather you just tell me that so we don't have to keep being fake and trying to like each other when you've already made up your mind based off of nothing. So I can't continue to drain myself and worry about someone not liking me. So just like my hair, I am composed of moments like this, but hidden underneath, there's also moments like this. And all of that is what makes up me as a whole. Not perfect. So my life is hashtag goals because I have a family, I have a husband, I have a job that I love, I get to talk to you guys, and many of you listen. Many of you leave me nice comments. I've been able to help people, which is my favorite thing to do. Another addiction of mine is helping people. But there are days where my life is far from perfect. And there are things that even I struggle with. So if you're a perfectionist that made a mistake and you're still struggling with it, I feel you. I'm in it still. I wish I could say it's easy, just get over it. Nobody's perfect, get over it. Easier said than done. I get it. So I just wanted to make this video to hopefully reach one other person that might be feeling the same way as me, that might be intimidated by all the things that you see on social media. It's not real. It's not perfect, I promise you. Whoever's life you're looking at that looks perfect, I promise you, it's not. You're only seeing what that person wants you to see at this time. And they don't owe it to you to show you everything. They don't even know you. I ain't gotta tell you everything about my life, but I do want you to know that it's not perfect. Oh, whoosah. So this was definitely a switch it up that you probably weren't expecting from my channel, but that's what I wanna do this year. I wanna branch out from just hair. There's much more to me to share than just hair. Oh, that rhymes. Bars, mixtape also coming soon. Just kidding. But if you enjoyed this video, give me a thumbs up. Subscribe, I post new videos every Sunday. And if this video touched you or you're related to it in any way, please leave me a comment and let me know that I didn't dispel my guts on the internet for no reason. You also can follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter at MsBiancaRenee, and I hope to see you guys next time. Thanks for watching, Bianca Renee, today.