Will Kate Marry Otello？ ｜ Upstart Crow ｜ BBC Comedy Greats

Just off to Mr. Green's dinner party, Kate, but I wanted to drop Othello's hanky back. No problem, Mr. Shakespeare. I've had quite a few presies since then. A bead necklace, a hollowed-out gourd, a potpourri of scented leaves and berries contained within the dried scroting sack of a defeated foe. Hottie's so romantic. Hottie? Oh yes, tis my pet familiar for him. I've fashioned it out of the first syllable of his name and the fact that I find him extremely and totally hot. I think I've got that. He calls me sweet tits, which no doubt be a reference to adorable baby birds. Yes, and tell me, Kate, have you yet confessed to Prince Othello that you are not in fact the Duchess of Northington but a naughty imposter? Oh, Mr. Shakespeare, Hottie won't mind that. He loves me and amor vincit omnia. Uh, yes, hang on, I know this. Virgil, love conquers all. Love conquers all? Could have sworn that was one of mine. Virgil, you sure? Quite sure, nearly 2,000 years ago. Right, so definitely out of copyright. And tell me, Kate, how do you see this relationship developing? Do you imagine yourself as the future of Mrs. Othello? Oh, I don't know, Mr. Shakespeare. He's admitted to me that he's polygamous and so if we married, I would in fact be one of 17 Mrs. Othellos. Goodness, Kate, could a proud English woman ever accept such a demeaning situation? Well, you see, Mr. Shakespeare, if as a proud English woman I marry a proud English man, he immediately takes all my property and has the right to make of me his slave and beat me without fear of law. As would the Moor. Yes, but with Othello, I would only get one-seventeenth of his attention, whereas in England I would have to put up with some brutal bastard all on my own. For an Elizabethan woman, marriage is a percentage game. Right, yes, I see that. Plus, think of the adventure to be with such a man as the Moor, a warrior who has sailed afar and seen the anthropophagy and men whose heads do grow beneath their shoulders. Yes, well, I must admit that does sound like pretty exciting stuff. There was one other thing. I wanted to ask a favour. As you know, I'm hoping to petition the College of Heralds to grant the Shakespeare's a coat of arms. Robert Greene has let slip that we're so great a man as General Othello to plead my cause, Greene might be better disposed to consider it. So I was wondering... Of course, Mr Shakespeare. I'll have a word with Hottie and I'll lay it on really thick. I'll say you're absolutely amazing and totally wonderful. Now, you have a lovely evening with Mr Greene. I'm going to bury myself in Sir Walter Raleigh's book and dream of Hottie taking me in all those exotic places. To, Kate? You mean taking you to all those exotic places? I kind of think I know what I mean.