Alien s Guide to SHREK 2 NEW

Greetings, and welcome to Earthling Cinema. I am your host, Garyx Wormuloid. This week's artifact is Shrek 2, often considered the Godfather Part 2 of movies. But before we get to that, one of Earthling's favorite things to do with their ears was listen to things. And what better thing to listen to than audiobooks from Audible? Featuring a supersized collection of audiobooks, original audio shows, news, and more, Audible has something for everyone, whether you're trying to open up to new experiences or drown out your existence. If you're looking to dive deeper into the Shrekverse, I recommend checking out The Men Who Would Be King, telling the story of Dreamworks Animation, which famously birthed Shrek on screen, and then killed him in 2028, 3013, and 3014. Amazon Prime members can get Audible for $4.95 a month for the first three months. That means three months for the price of one. After that, it's $14.95 a month. So go to audible.com slash Aliens Guide or text Aliens Guide to 500-500 to get started. This offer ends July 31st. Thanks to Audible so we can keep bringing you what the Intergalactic Film Festival called not a feature film. Shrek 2 starts by resolving the first film's cliffhanger. Did Shrek and Fiona bang? When the in-laws send an iCal invite to do a ripoff of Meet the Fockers, they grab their pet horse and head to the Big Apple store. They're immediately body shamed by Fiona's dad, Mr. King, who punishes Shrek with a 10-course meal. After reading Fiona's blog, Shrek wonders if they should have married or just kept casually hooking up. Meanwhile, a fairy godmilf reminds Mr. King that Fiona was supposed to marry her asswipe son, Prince Charmin Ultrasoft. Instead of asking her to use her unlimited magic, the King heads to the Genius Bar to have Shrek assassinated. You see, I need to have someone taken care of. But when the killer turns out to be a real pussy, Shrek lets bygones be gone girls and asks him to rob a factory with him. They battle Gru's minions, stealing a special kombucha that promises a happy ending. They slurp it down, but instead of making the world more tolerant to ogres, it merely makes them white. In order to make the change permanent, Shrek has to smooch Fiona before an arbitrary amount of time. Instead of using her unlimited magic, the milf hatches a plan to make Fiona think Ultra is the real Shrek by just saying he is. After explaining this to Shrek, he immediately gives up. As Shrek rapidly descends into alcoholism, he overhears the milf planning to roofie Fiona's tea with love juice. Once discovered, the police pursue Shrek and his pet, uh, what do you call that thing? Um. Anyway, they're incarcerated, but promptly broken out by the spinoff characters, and with the help of the cookie monster, bust the King's ball. After murdering some guards, Shrek narrowly stops Fiona from getting mono, Mr. King reveals he didn't drug his daughter, and the milf gets hit by her own stream, sending her back to Orange County. In a Pepsi twist, we learn Mr. King was a tiny ogre all along. With only seconds left, Shrek and Fiona decide not to stay hot, opting instead for a life of hate crimes on the reg. Shrek 2 follows in the tradition of subverting classic fairy tales, like Rapunzel or RuPaul. Undermining the sanctity of Disney flicks, the film lampoons classic intellectual properties such as Small Mermaid, Beauty and the Horse, and notably Pinocchio, as the proverbial real boy is revealed to have discerning tastes in underwear. Rather than concentrating its disdain solely on Disney Fox Bing, the film widens its critical net to include the big kahuna that envelops them all, Hollywood. Far, Far Away evokes nearby Beverly Hills, not only with its signage, but also its luxury shopping, and dogs? Furthermore, the film makes constant reference to the thing that Hollywood loves the most, cocaine. No, itself. Though cocaine is a close second, various allusions are made to Hollywood classics like Lord of the Nuba Rings, The Good Spider-Man, I will not say that word, the all-male Ghostbusters prequel, Rawhide, Mission Improbable, an American crime story The People vs. O.J. Simpson. Beyond frivolous allusion, these references slowly reveal the shallow nature of Hollywood that I love so much. Shrek and Fiona arrive to a red carpet, but the veneer of stardom quickly peels away when people discover their uggos. This deceptive nature of Hollywood is foreshadowed when a mustachioed amputee plays Tom Waits' Little Drop of Poison. A song about a toxic town where nobody knows they're lining up to go insane. It could also be about the space DMV. Charmin is a narcissistic jerk who succeeds in life because of netipotism. His mother resembles a Hollywood power bottom, selling dreams of success to those hoping to keep up with the Kardashians, and eventually capture them. The waiting room of her office approximates the aesthetic of a talent agency, without all the washed up celebrities. But behind her image as the magical maker of dreams lies the cold economic reality of a marketing campaign that literally runs on tears and a factory rife with OSHA violations. She doesn't even offer dental. We don't even have dental. And neither will I. Whereas the fairy godmother archetype usually acts as a mentor to the protagonist and turns tricks on a pumpkin, Shrek 2 inverts that premise. Instead, she tries to homewreck the Shreks and perpetuate the lie of happily ever after. Indeed, the film exposes the Hollywood facade to be as morally bankrupt as Shrek's cousin Martin. Shrek feels the need to compete with the archetypal princes Fiona grew up believing she should marry and eventually resent. Fiona is unhappy with Prince Charmin because he's all looks and two-ply. Fiona and Shrek are only able to find a true happily ever after by elevating themselves above the superficial and embracing each other as the jolly green giants we know and hate. In the end, we're led to believe that, like fairy tales, Hollywood is a fantasy that only a child should believe in. Like Santa Claus or the female orgasm. For Earthling Cinema, I'm Garyx Wormuloid. It's all over now. Thanks again to Audible. What better way to mute the constant emo interior monologue in your head than with Audible? Unlike most other streaming services, you actually own every audiobook you get with your subscription, meaning you don't have to return it at the end of the school year. Whether you're on the path of self-improvement or ignorance, you can always get your aural fix with news, comedy, and Audible Originals. Exclusive audio titles created by celebrated storytellers from worlds as diverse as theater, journalism, literature, and more. Amazon Prime members can get Audible for $4.95 a month for the first three months. That means three months for the price of one. After that, it's $14.95 a month. So go to audible.com slash Aliens Guide or text Aliens Guide to 500-500 to get started. This offer ends July 31st. If you don't like what you listen to, you can swap your audiobooks at any time. See you. Bye, Gary.