Would You Still Say Yes If She Wanted a Porsche? | Ep. 1

But then I would question a guy in a marriage if he didn't. Yeah, I would too. Hello, welcome to S&T Chats. So we are starting a new relationship series. A series. Yeah. In regards to relationships. Yes. Yeah. And we're going to talk about this video that I found on Instagram. Is your house a 5 star hotel? No, of course not. I thought you like to drive around yourself. I can get you a car for your wedding. How about the Gemstone Festival? No way. You don't want to have a child? That's what I'm thinking too. Then you should go to a charity. No way. Pregnancy can be bad for the woman. I want my mom to take care of the baby. Go to the child-rearing center. No way. You can decide who gets to marry you. It's all up to you. I'll have all your money. No way. After we get married, we'll be a couple. I will raise you well. You won't have to do anything. Then I won't go to work. No way. 夫妻就要互相扶持,我以后一定好好照顾好你。 那你打扫家务吧。 那不行呢。 So the word in yellow, bing, is basically hua bing, which basically means... Drawing a big pie. Yeah. A big cake. Yeah, so that means like you're BSing. Like you say something, but you're not going to do it. And in Chinese slang, it's called hua bing. So the first question he asked was... Which means like, this lifetime, you're the only one that I must marry. Yeah, pretty much. So the girl replied, okay. Oh, so the girl's saying, um, dowry is 300k. Yeah. Chinese yuan. But that's still a lot. Yeah. And then the guy's like... So this basically shows that a guy's like, oh, I have to marry you no matter what. Like, I love you so much, you know, you're the only one for me. And then the girl's like, okay, then give me this much money for the dowry. And then in reality, he's like, no, I can't do that. So that's like so contradicting. Right. I know a lot of people are going to say you can't put a number on love. That's true. But people are going to hate me this. But if you love someone, you are willing to give what you have. I think that's the biggest difference. It's like, okay, say like simple words. This guy has a hundred. If he really loves you and then... And girls aren't like that, like, how do you say like... Materialistic? A lot of people are materialistic. But I'm saying like not every girl is like that. If the girl was materialistic, she's going to find someone that's richer than $100. But if she's with you and she knows you have $100, you know, and if she says like, will you give me everything? And I think it's the matter of heart. Yeah. Like, yes, if I have $100, I will give you $100. But if I have $50, I'll give you $50. So he's giving you everything he has. And it's not like... In this aspect, it's like, I have $100, but I'm only going to give you $20. I think it's in that aspect of like, you can't put a dollar sign on love. Right. But it's all about the heart. Yeah. So you can look at this in two different views, basically, right? So the first one is that the girl is very materialistic. The guy really likes her. All right. But since the girl is really materialistic, she's just looking for money. Right. So that's the first case. And the second case is that the guy still really likes the girl. The girl is looking for his earnestness in this relationship. Right. She's not looking for the actual money, but she's just asking, will you be able to give me your all? Yeah, I feel like, well, as women, sometimes what we say, it's not like black and white. Yeah. Like on the tee. Yeah. It's more about the heart. Yeah. Like, this is a little bit off topic, but a really simple question is like, okay, if we get married and I have a kid, do I have to go out and work? And my husband, he'll say, he'll never pressure me to go work. He's like, no, you don't have to go work. But if you want to, you can, you know? And he's like, don't worry about, you know, money. Don't worry about work. You know, I'm the man, so I'll take care of it. And I think it's the heart. Yeah. But like for me personally, like I want to work. So I do go work, you know? So it's all about the heart. But I've asked him that question before. And I've asked this in other relationships too. Right. And I've gotten different answers. Like, it's crazy. I've had this one guy. I was like, oh, if I got a better job opportunity at somewhere else, like, would you come with me? And the person flat out said, no. Oh, yeah. Okay. So that's going to be another one of our relationship series video because we can get a lot into that. All right. So continue on with the video. All right. So the next question is, So no matter how hard it is, I'll give you an entire family. And the girl replies, okay, put the house under my name. Add my name to the house. So when she says, she's not saying put the name under her only. Not, but like add her name. Husband and wife both own this house. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That makes sense. And he said no. Yeah. He said no. That's a little bit. I don't know. That's a little bit too much. I feel like if you're married, that shouldn't be like a too hard. Right. Like a breaker make of a deal. Right. Like a thing. I feel like in marriage, a house is huge. And no. Why would someone say no? Yeah. If you're married. It kind of ties into the first question is earnestly in this relationship. You know, are you willing to do it? She's not asking for the house itself. She's not asking for the money for the house. She's just saying, will you be able to do this for me? But then I would question a guy in a marriage if he didn't. Yeah, I would too. Unless, you know, he's super, super rich. You know, I understand like the rich has a different mindset. Yeah. Because they have too much money involved, you know. But if it's just like normal person. Yeah, I would question why. You wouldn't do it. Because I mean, for the girl, at least, I would feel a sense of insecurity. Yeah. Because it feels like we're not a family. We're not in a relationship. Yeah. Like, because we're talking about marriage at this. Right. And this kind of scene, right? This topic. Yeah, I totally agree with that. And I think if a wife can afford a house, she would want to put the husband in it too. Yeah. You know, actually, I'm going to stop you right there. If a wife can afford a house, I don't think he would need a husband. She wouldn't need a husband. Or she wouldn't even ask this question. Yeah. Because she's very strong already. Right. But you don't just have a husband for financial stability. Like that is part of it. Yeah. But I think it's more about companion. And like comforting each other. I know money is a huge thing in marriage, but it's not everything. But okay, so for me, if I have enough money to buy my own house, honestly, I can find comfort in everything else. Like I can find comfort in cats, in dogs, in pets. That's why she's single. Going to Japan and going to Korea. Like that will make me happy. Yeah. I think everyone's different, you know? Yeah, it's really different. I think for you, I like kids a lot. My family isn't just for kids, but I like that family. That's part of my dream in life. So are you team Seunghee or are you team Tina? Probably most people are Tina. I know a lot of people don't want to get married these days and want to stay out of the marriage. And marriage can be tough. It can be. And family is not easy. If you look at your own family with your parents and everything, it's not easy. So yeah, that's why, yeah, keep going. Alright, so next question. So his next question is So he's asking all like, Oh, you like to drive and travel? Like look at scenery. After marriage, I'll buy your car. And then she says Oh, then buy me a Porsche. Okay, well, this girl's really materialistic. It's not a good example. I don't think like, yes, my dream car is a Porsche. But like, in reality, will I ever get a Porsche? Probably not, you know? And I'm not gonna like, ask my husband to give me a Porsche. Like when I understand, I'm not at that level. Yeah, I'm not at that level. And I'm not like at that status, you know? So basically, we feel like in this case, the girl is kind of too much. It is a little bit, yeah. So if you have the finances and you ask for it, then hey, go ahead and ask for it. But if you don't have the finances for it, maybe don't ask for it because it's just gonna be another big expense. Yeah, I mean, it's a little realistic. It's a little overboard. It's like, it's like asking a guy like, Okay, will you buy me a house? Yeah. And the guy's like, sure. And then, oh, no, or the guy would be like, Yeah, I can buy you a house. We can buy a house. And the girl's like, okay, buy me a mansion. Yeah, you know, and it's a little like, Okay, that's way too much. You know, most people, I would say like 70%, 80%, maybe even more. Like we can't afford mansions, you know? But a normal house is good. So yeah, that question is a little overboard. Yeah, at least for the girl's side. All right. So next question. So the guy's like, oh, you don't want kids? I don't want kids too. And then the girl says, Cut it off. No, it's not cut it off. It's do the, what's it called? The prosectomy? Something tummy? So the guy can't conceive. Can't do the deed and have kids. I think this girl's a little bit too much saying this. Like the statement that he's saying is a little bit too much too. Yeah. And the statement that she's responding by asking for is way too much. I think it's a little overboard, but this is definitely a huge topic in relationships. Like if you want kids or not. But I think if your husband loves you and respects you, he will respect your decision. Yeah. And he may want it, but he will respect you. Yep. And he's not going to force upon it on you. So I think that's the best of it. But I think most guys do want kids for sure. I feel like if the husband respects my decisions and he's willing to not have kids when he's with me, then just to be safe, we should both get that surgery, right? It shouldn't just be the guy itself or the girl itself. Like, you know, it takes two to tango. Yeah, that makes more sense. That's more fair. Like with this girl saying like, oh, you go do it. And like she doesn't, that's a little unfair. You are like blocking that guy's like future path. Right, right. Of, you know. Right. Yeah, that makes more sense. I do agree with that. That was probably, that's probably better. Like if you both agree to that, then you both should do it. Alright, next question. So pregnancy takes a toll on your body. And the guy is offering, my mom can take care of you after you give birth. So she's like, okay, then send me to like after birth care. It's really popular in China. Yeah. After birth care in China is a place where the women can rest completely. And they will make you food. They will cook for you. They will take care of the baby. They will shower you. They will give you massages. So basically someone will be there to take care of you. It doesn't matter if you go to a business that specializes in doing this. It's just that doing yuezi is the 30 days after you give birth, someone needs to take care of you. These facilities, they have specialized people to do all these. Yeah. But so in China, I think yuezi zhongxin is, it's pretty pricey, right? If you go to like pretty good ones. They do have some in America too, in like Chinatown areas. And it's very expensive. Yeah. It's like $8,000 to $10,000 a month. Yeah. I mean, will your mother or mother-in-law take care of you as well as the people in this kind of business? Maybe, maybe not. Probably most likely not. Because mothers are not trained specialists for these. People there are trained. And it's pretty much you don't need to do anything. You only need to feed the baby. Yeah. And in reality, if you're at home and your mother-in-law does that, that's probably not going to happen. Yeah. That's not going to happen. So it's like, you get like maybe 50% care if you stay at home and do your yuezi. Or you get 100% care when you spend that money and go to this sort of specialized business. So in the end, it's all about money. Yeah, it's still about money. I don't know. I feel like postpartum, right? That's the word after birth. I think that's not talked about a lot as depression. And that is caused by a lot of factors. And family is a huge. And I think if you get along well with your family, your in-laws, they can help you. Yeah. In some senses. And at these kind of places, yes, maybe. But I feel like you miss out on a lot of the experience of motherhood. I mean, I don't even think that far. I just think, first of all, do you get along with your in-laws? Yeah, that's a key factor. Yeah. And then second of all, do you have the money to do it? Two main factors. And if, okay, so let's say I do not get along with my in-laws, but I have my mom who can help me with the postpartum, right? That's fine. But if I don't have my mom available and I don't get along with my in-laws, I would prefer to go to this specialized business. What if your husband doesn't have the money? Well, then honestly, I wouldn't be giving birth in the first place then. Okay. Yeah, that's like another huge topic. Like, if you're not financial stable, should you have kids? Yeah. Another topic. Another video series. This is too much. Yeah, I know, right? Too much factors. Next question. After marriage, you're the boss. Whatever you say, we'll listen to you. And then she says, Then all your money belongs to her or she takes care of it? She takes care of it. Okay, let's put it that way. Well, I mean, it could go both ways. It could go both ways. I mean, I'm married. And my husband does let me take care of all his money. Obviously, we're not like that rich. So this is still in the stance of like, we're not like millionaires, billionaires. So there's not that much money involved. But just normal people. Yes, he does trust me with it. Yeah, it's trust. Yeah. It all boils down to does the man trust the woman? Does the woman trust the men? Yes, because I think for men, why sometimes they don't want to is because some girls are very materialistic, and they don't have a sense of managing their money. So they just spend, spend, spend, spend. But if you know your partner, and you trust them, then you guys have an agreement on it, then yes. So my husband trusts me. I don't spend, spend, spend like crazy. So he does have me take care of it, you know? And for the girl, why they want that, you know, in my stance, at least, is like, it's not like I want all your money. Right. No, it's, it's a sense of trust and safety. Yeah. Because speaking as someone that's not married, I would say that it's, okay, so there's two sides of this, right? So the first side is what Selena said. It's basically saying, like, you guys talked about it, you, the girl won't spend the money carelessly. She will focus on keeping the money for the family, right? And then the other side is, if I don't ask for the money, will my husband use his money and spend it on someone else? Yeah. That's, that's what I mean. When the girl asked for that, it's usually for safety. Yeah. Safe harbor and trust. Yeah. So that's dependent on the girl has her head screwed on right. Yeah. I really think a marriage is a two person thing. Everything needs to be, you know, agreed agreements, you know, and both sides got to let go of something. It's not just, oh, me, me, me all the way, or he, he, he all the way. Like if you're really bad at like money management and likes to spend, maybe it is best for your husband to take care of it. Right. You know, unless you, and I don't know, and then you should trust your husband, you know? Okay. Let me just say this one point. If a guy is going to cheat, he's going to cheat regardless if he's rich or not rich. Right. Yeah. That, that's, that's something. Okay. Next question. Rolling on. So after marriage, we're a couple. I won't let you do any chores. And then the girl replied. Oh, the girl was like, okay, then I won't work. Well, that's kind of what we talked about before. Yeah. You know, um, I feel like it's all, you have to talk about this all before marriage. Yeah. Like you, there has to be a mutual understanding, like maybe in the relationship timeline while you're dating, you know, that you guys have mutually agreed on something. And it's not just one side of the party, like what we see here, like the girl or the guy, the guy saying, oh, you don't have to do anything. And then when the girl was like, okay, then I'm not going to do anything. Like, I would appreciate him to say that. Yeah. And not like force me. I think it's all about the heart. But like the girl responding that back, asking that back, then I won't work. I think if that guy was being honest and really loved you. Yeah. He'll be like, sure. Yeah. So it's only those that if you respond, no, that's a huge red flag. Yeah. It's kind of weird. It's not like as a woman, we, like you asked that. It's not like, oh, I'm really not going to work. Yeah. It's, it's more like it's showing the heart and yours, like your sincerity kind of. So yeah. If he says no, that's, that's kind of weird. Like you maybe question his, he a narcissist, you know, in kind of controlling or something. Yeah. So I think it's, how should I say it? Red flag. Yeah. If he says no. Abort immediately. If he says no, it's a red, it's kind of a red flag. It's, it's kind. Yeah. Cause I believe, I think for men, if he loves you, he will respect your choices, your choices and decisions. Yes. All right. Next question. So couples should help each other out. I will take care of you in the future. And then she replied. Then how about you do all the chores? Yeah. There's a, there's a Chinese idiom. This girl is a little too much. Right? Yeah. It's a little too much, but I feel like this is reality. A lot of girls are like this. Some girls are like this in China at least. They want everything, you know, and you can't, you can't have a guy who does. A hundred percent. Yeah. Who makes you millions of dollars and you are, you're just, you know, doing at home, doing nothing. I mean, some girls are very fortunate in that, but 99% of us aren't like that, you know? And we should also understand the guys, you know, they're hardworking outside all day. They have stress and everything. Then we should, you know, do some chores. But if he offers to help, you know, which I think a lot of guys probably do, you know, on the weekends or something, then I would really appreciate it and it would be really nice. So I don't think it's like a black and white. You do this. I do this only, you know, it's not, it's all about the heart as well. Yeah. Like my husband, he doesn't do much chores because he's working, you know, but he does do some as sometimes as well. You know, like if I'm feeling unwell or something, he will help out. He's not like, just going to leave it there. Or if I tell him to do something, you know, he, he will do it, you know? So if you, if you have a good partner, I don't think these are really huge questions, you know? And if these are questions, then red flags, because these are like common everyday things and it's gonna like maybe one or twice, you're going to be like, okay, okay. I'll let it pass, but it's going to bug you. And then it's just going to go down a deep, deep rabbit hole. And your life is going to be miserable. And at the end, you're probably just going to get a divorce. Yeah. So this is on both the men and the women. Like we can't be like 50 50. Like nothing is 50 50, right? It's like, if you both work, then like you both are responsible for the chores. It's not like it's on only one side of the party. So this is the end of our first episode of our relationship series. Do you keep in mind that this is from our point of view? We do feel like our head on is screwed on, right? So if there's any like extreme instances or cases, we will try to think about it and let you know what we think. But yeah, like it's from our point of view. Yeah. And we're talking about normal people, not like billionaires, millionaires. Like if you're that rich, yeah, you should get a prenup. But normal people, you know, so yeah. And that's our perspective. Yeah. Leave your comments below when you think about these questions. Yes. And we will see you next time. Don't forget to like and subscribe. Okay. Bye.