There is no shortage of males today. But some parents and women are increasingly asking a different question: Where are the men?

Many worry that boys and men are becoming increasingly feminized and effeminate, while traditional models of manhood seem to be fading. The qualities once closely associated with mature manhood—strength, responsibility, self-reliance, courage, and the willingness to protect and provide for a family—can sometimes seem increasingly unfamiliar.

This is not about simply criticizing men or blaming an entire generation.

The more useful question is what comes next.

If we want tomorrow’s boys to become strong, capable men, what should we be teaching them today?

Surprisingly, we can find some answers in advice written more than a century ago.

In an 1886 publication titled Items of Interest, Vol. 8, a section called “Don’t Undervalue the Boy” offered a practical approach to raising boys. Its central message was simple: Trust a boy, encourage his curiosity, give him responsibility, let him work with his hands, and allow him to discover what he is capable of becoming.

Much of that advice still speaks to a question parents face today: How do you prepare a child for a world that will eventually expect him to stand on his own?

(Hannahlmyers/Pixabay)

Give Him Your Confidence

One of the first mistakes parents can make is treating a boy as though he is permanently incapable.

The 1886 article argues that boys should not be made to feel that they are insignificant simply because they are young. Instead, responsibility should be placed in their hands—and they should be given the opportunity to meet it.

That confidence matters.

A boy who is constantly told that he is too young, too inexperienced, or too incapable has little opportunity to discover his own abilities.

But when parents communicate, “I trust you to handle this,” something changes.

He begins to see himself differently.

The original article specifically recommends giving boys confidence, encouragement and advice, while allowing them to understand that they are trusted in appropriate ways.

The goal is not to expect adult behavior from a child.

It is to give a growing boy increasingly appropriate opportunities to behave like the responsible person he is becoming.

Responsibility Should Grow With Him

Responsibility does not have to arrive all at once.

A young boy might begin with something small. Later, he can be trusted with something a little more demanding.

The important thing is that parents gradually allow him to stretch beyond what he has already mastered.

The 1886 advice connects responsibility with a boy’s willingness to meet expectations in a “manful spirit.” Its underlying principle is straightforward: Give a boy something meaningful to carry, and let him discover that he can carry it.

This requires parents to resist one natural temptation.

Doing everything for a child is often easier.

Trusting him to do something himself can take more patience.

But independence cannot be handed to someone at adulthood. It has to be practiced beforehand.

Don’t Discourage His Questions

Boys are naturally curious about how things work.

Why does this happen?

What makes that move?

What is inside?

What happens if I do this?

The 1886 publication warns parents against dismissing such questions as meaningless curiosity. Instead, it encourages adults to help boys understand the things that puzzle them.

“Don’t ask questions” may silence a child, but it does not necessarily satisfy his curiosity.

If something is not explained, the article points out, a boy may simply experiment until he discovers the answer himself.

Sometimes that experimentation teaches him something valuable.

But when something can be clearly explained, the better approach is to help him understand the principle so that he can move forward intelligently.

Curiosity, in other words, should not automatically be treated as a nuisance.

It can become the beginning of knowledge.

Let Him Work With His Hands

There is another piece of advice that feels particularly old-fashioned today: Give a boy tools.

The 1886 article encourages parents to let boys discover whether they have a mechanical inclination. Rather than assuming that working with tools is dangerous, pointless, or unsuitable, parents are encouraged to let the boy explore and discover what he can make.

There is something important hidden inside that simple recommendation.

When a child makes something with his own hands, he sees a direct connection between effort and result.

He has to think about what he wants to create.

He has to plan.

He has to make mistakes.

Then he has to try again.

The original article says that making things by hand tends to encourage self-reliance, while the planning required to complete the work provides valuable discipline and education.

The lesson is bigger than hammers and nails.

A capable man needs to believe that when something is broken, difficult, or unfamiliar, he can begin figuring it out.

That confidence has to be built somewhere.

Don’t Decide His Future for Him

Parents naturally hope their children will follow paths they understand.

A father who loves business may imagine his son becoming a businessman.

A parent who loves academics may expect the same interests from his child.

But a boy is not simply a smaller version of his father.

The 1886 article specifically warns against discouraging a boy from developing a mechanical interest simply because his parents do not share that interest.

That principle applies more broadly.

A boy may discover an ability his parents never possessed.

He may become fascinated by building, repairing, designing, farming, engineering, business—or something his family never expected.

The parent’s task is not necessarily to decide who he will become.

It is to give him enough opportunities to discover it.

Let Childhood Prepare Him for Adulthood

The deeper message of the old article is not really about making boys tougher.

It is about preparation.

A boy who learns to take responsibility has practiced responsibility.

A boy whose questions are taken seriously has practiced thinking.

A boy who works with his hands has practiced planning and problem-solving.

A boy who is trusted with appropriate independence has practiced relying on himself.

These small experiences accumulate.

And eventually, childhood ends.

The 1886 publication makes an important connection between a boy’s early interests and his later decisions about his profession or business. Developing a genuine interest in something while young, it argues, can make the eventual choice of a career easier.

That is why raising a capable man begins long before a young man is actually expected to behave like one.

The Real Question Is What We Expect From Boys

Much of the modern discussion about masculinity focuses on men who have already reached adulthood.

But by then, many habits are already established.

If we want men who can accept responsibility, we should give boys opportunities to practice responsibility.

If we want men who can think independently, we should allow boys to ask questions.

If we want men who can solve practical problems, we should let them build, repair and experiment.

If we want men who possess confidence, we should give them reasons to become confident—not simply tell them that they should be.

And if we want traditional qualities such as strength, self-reliance, courage and responsibility to remain part of manhood, those qualities have to be cultivated somewhere.

They begin in childhood.

More than 140 years ago, the writer behind “Don’t Undervalue the Boy” understood something that remains easy to forget: A boy does not suddenly become a capable man on the day he turns 18.

He becomes one through years of being trusted, challenged, encouraged and allowed to discover what he can do.

Perhaps that is where the conversation about the future of manhood should begin—not with asking where all the good men have gone, but with asking what kind of boys we are raising today.

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