For more than 30 years, Dr. Amy Coopersmith has worked as an educator and occupational therapist, helping children build confidence, independence, and decision-making skills. As founder of Self-Determined Kids, she turns research on self-determination into practical strategies for parents, caregivers, educators, and therapists.
Coopersmith spent 10 years as a health and physical education teacher before becoming an occupational therapist. Her interest in self-determination began at Adelphi University, where she studied child-led learning.
“I’ve always found that when I’m doing something that I’ve chosen I’m much more excited to do it than if somebody tries to force me to do something that I don’t want to do,” she said.
She first saw the approach work with middle school students, who became “very, very motivated and focused” when given choices about their learning. She later brought the same philosophy into her occupational therapy practice.
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What Is self-determination?
Coopersmith describes self-determination as a person “steering their own life in a direction that’s personally satisfying.”
She explained that it includes three key components: competence, autonomy and relatedness. A self-determined child believes they are capable, can make choices and act independently, and can build positive relationships with others.
For children who struggle, the opposite can sometimes appear as “I can’t” or “I won’t.”
“If we present it as a way for them to pursue things that they’re excited about, they’re going to embrace it and focus,” Coopersmith said. “Whereas if we present it as, ‘Here’s your work, you have to do this,’ very often they’ll just push it away and say no.”
Listen to the child
For children with autism or communication challenges, supporting self-determination may require adults to listen in different ways. Some children communicate through augmentative communication devices, pictures, gestures or other methods rather than spoken words.
“Listening to the child is the most important thing that we can do,” Coopersmith said. “Because if they’re trying to communicate something, and we are not listening, that’s a signal to the child that they don’t matter.”
Even simple choices can give children a greater sense of control. Parents might ask what a child would like to cook or offer two or three choices. For children who communicate nonverbally, a simple picture-based choice board can provide another way to express preferences.
Give children room to solve problems
Coopersmith also cautions against doing too much for children. She described “learned helplessness” as something that can develop when children rarely have opportunities to solve problems independently.
Parents naturally want to protect their children and make things easier. But instead of immediately stepping in when a child struggles, adults can encourage the child to try first.
The goal is not to leave children on their own, but to give them opportunities to try, make mistakes and discover solutions.
Start small
For children who lack confidence, Coopersmith recommends beginning with something they already do well.
“If we want to build confidence, we want to start with something that they’re already good at,” she said.
A child who enjoys drawing but dislikes writing might first draw a picture and then work with a parent to turn it into a sentence. Eventually, the child may write a word or part of the sentence independently.
For children with special needs, progress may happen in even smaller steps.
“If we do little tiny increments, little steps at a time, the child can feel comfortable and safe and confident,” she said.
Giving children choices about where to sit, what to do first or which activity to try can also encourage participation without overwhelming them.
Create a safe place to calm down
Coopersmith recommends creating a “calming corner,” also called a peace corner, calm-down corner or break area. It can be as simple as a comfortable chair and a basket with books, coloring materials or headphones.
The important point is to let the child help choose what belongs there. The goal is to help children recognize when they are overwhelmed and learn ways to regulate themselves.
Presume competence
Above all, Coopersmith encourages caregivers to presume competence.
“What is the child capable of? Not what they can’t do.” she said. “What can they do? Let’s figure out ways for them to be competent, to show their talents and their abilities.”
When adults believe in a child’s abilities, children are more likely to begin believing in themselves. This is especially important for children with disabilities or communication challenges.
“Even if a child has autism and they can’t speak, and they’re struggling, we have to show them that we believe in them,” she said.
For Coopersmith, self-determination is ultimately about giving children meaningful opportunities to participate, make choices, solve problems and experience success.
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