For Vanessa Andronico, raising twin sons with autism has been a journey of challenges, sacrifices, and meaningful moments of joy. Her story reflects the experiences of many caregivers who work every day to support their loved ones while finding strength along the way.
Vanessa’s twin boys are now 19 years old. Although they share similarities, she learned early that they are two individuals with different needs.
“They both have many similarities, but also many different needs,” Vanessa said. “The biggest challenge was trying to remember that even though they’re twins, they’re two different individuals with different needs and wants.”
Recognizing the early signs
Vanessa first became concerned when her twin sons were 2 years old and were not speaking.
“At two years old, they weren’t speaking, and I brought it up to the pediatrician. It all started from there,” she recalled.
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After speech therapy, specialists identified additional developmental concerns. The boys were first diagnosed with PDD, an older term now included under autism spectrum disorder, and later received an autism diagnosis at age 5.
Before then, their development had seemed typical.
“Then they stopped making eye contact and would cry if someone came to the house or if I took them to the supermarket,” she said.
The diagnosis was overwhelming. “It was upsetting,” Vanessa said. “There was a lot of emotion and also denial. Like, ‘No, this can’t be right.’”
As a first-time mother, she had never heard of autism. “I thought it was something that would go away,” she said. “Then I learned it doesn’t work like that.”
A family learning together
Vanessa’s two sons have different levels of support needs.
“One is more profound. The other one is—I don’t like the word—but higher functioning,” she explained.
Despite their differences, the brothers share a special bond.
“They do talk. It’s not deep conversations, but they do get along with one another. They do care for one another,” Vanessa said. “They communicate in their own way.”
Vanessa’s mother, a retired nurse, has also been an important source of support.
“My mom lives with me, so their grandma, which is a big, big support because she sees them every day,” Vanessa said.
Challenges and small victories
As her sons grow older, Vanessa continues helping them navigate adulthood.
One son wants to become more independent and find employment, but it has been difficult.
“He wants to be a part of society and maybe have a little job or have a little bit of social life,” she said. “It’s very hard for him to keep a position in a job or find a job.”
Her other son needs more support with communication and emotional regulation.
“He gets aggressive at times when he doesn’t have what he wants in a specific way,” Vanessa said. “The family is revolving around him to keep peace in the home.”
Still, Vanessa finds joy in small moments.
“The little things,” she said. “When they can do something that you didn’t think they could do, or remember something.”
She recalled when her son gave her a hug and kiss.
“That was like, wow,” Vanessa said. “He sees what I do. He does care.”
Another memorable moment came when her other son unexpectedly thanked her.
“He just randomly said, ‘Thank you, Mom,’” she recalled. “I had to stop for a minute and be like, ‘Who said that?’ It was really nice to hear.”
Finding support and hope
Through support groups, counseling, and connecting with other families, Vanessa learned that caregivers also need care.
“I used to feel a lot of guilt for stepping out,” she said. “But now it’s like, no, it’s okay. You have to take care of yourself too.”
For parents beginning a similar journey, she encourages them to seek support.
“Join as many support groups as you can, or meet families that are going through the same thing,” Vanessa said. “So that you could feel included and not feel like you are a burden or an outsider.”
She hopes the community can offer more patience and understanding.
“Not every family and child is the same,” she said. “You might have to repeat what you want to say to a certain child, or give them some time to answer. They don’t like to be rushed.”
Looking toward the future, Vanessa’s hope for her sons is simple.
“I just want them to be happy,” she said. “Whatever they choose to do with their life, be able to hopefully be as independent as they can.”
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