Childhood rejection, discrimination and bullying can affect your well-being as an adult. If your friends, family or community pushed you away because of your sexuality or gender, these childhood experiences of prejudice can also .
Many LGBTQ+ people encounter , including abuse, neglect and challenges at home, because of their sexuality or gender. Other negative experiences – , , and the need to – may make it especially challenging to accept your sexuality or gender as an adult.
Developing a negative self-view as a result of these harmful experiences is not uncommon. Feelings of shame or unworthiness can carry into , along with your ability to form and maintain romantic relationships.
Fortunately, making meaning of your early experiences can help you heal, reconnecting and strengthening your relationships as a result.
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Internalized stigma harms relationships
Our childhood anti-LGBTQ+ experiences, well-being and relationship health.
We found that a factor called internalized stigma can notably affect the romantic relationships of LGBTQ+ people. refers to when society’s negative views and biases toward a part of your identity shapes how you think and feel about yourself. This can influence how you view romantic relationships and how you interact with your romantic partners.
People with higher levels of internalized stigma report and in their relationships. Research suggests that internalized stigma can negatively affect that keep people satisfied with their partners, including trust, connection and intimacy.
For some, internalized stigma might result in , feeling like you are , or .
Internalized stigma can also shape how in romantic relationships. For some, these negative self-views can lead to and more conflict between partners.
In our study of 80 LGBTQ+ couples, we found that childhood emotional wounds tied to sexuality or gender can , shaping a person’s relationships in their 20s and 30s.
Specifically, LGBTQ+ adults with more childhood anti-LGBTQ+ experiences reported less trust in their partner and reduced emotional and sexual intimacy – in a healthy and satisfying romantic relationship.
Overcoming childhood trauma
It’s worth remembering that these negative beliefs about yourself don’t develop overnight. to recognize and change how you react to them.
Exploring whether your symptoms of guilt, shame and low self-esteem are is a critical part of beginning to navigate it. Recognizing and pinpointing where these beliefs came from, which may include , is an important first step.
Practicing – that is, offering yourself warmth, nonjudgment and understanding during stressful and challenging moments – can . Instead of becoming overwhelmed by your emotions and the stressors you encounter, self-compassion allows you to .
Show yourself patience and acceptance after difficult moments, such as when you’re feeling undervalued, alone or ashamed because of your sexuality or gender. Adopting mantras such as “I am enough,” “I can overcome hard things” and “May I be kind to myself and give myself compassion in this moment” is one way to .
Building in opportunities in your daily life to for stress can improve your mood by reigniting joy and a sense of accomplishment. For some, this might include , reading, going for a walk or listening to a podcast.
You may also want to explore how shame and guilt around your sexual or gender identities can . Intentionally carving out ways to support and connect with your partner can create emotional safety by building intimacy and closeness.
Importantly, stigma and shame don’t have to become the only thing you and your partner talk about. Strengthening positive aspects of your relationship can help you continue finding ways to bond.
Finding and giving support
Talking with your partner or other community members who have had similar experiences may provide a sense of connection.
for your relationships can help reconnect you with your partner. Many LGBTQ+ people face , including fear of discrimination and concerns about working with providers who lack expertise on LGBTQ+ issues.
Online self-directed relationship programs that are tailored for LGBTQ+ relationships may be more approachable. Find trained , affirming and willing to advocate for your needs.
Lastly, recognize that the onus for change is not solely on you and your partner. Change also needs to come at a societal level. You can by connecting with other people in the LGBTQ+ community, including mentoring LGBTQ+ youth. Many face similar experiences, and you are not alone.