Amidst the tension and tribulations of modern life, it is important to know when to step back and give yourself the support you need to thrive; yet all-too-often our well-intended attempts at self-care tend toward self-sabotage.
Alongside a growing surge of mental-health awareness, we face the powerful enticement for pampering and indulgence, cunningly disguised as self-care.
When a rewarding break snowballs into a regretful binge, however, it becomes self-indulgence. What may have been a fuzzy line at the time, becomes crystal clear in hindsight: Whether it is in terms of finances, self-esteem, personal goals, or meeting expectations; instead of pushing you forward, it has set you back.
Here, we will look at how to distinguish between self-care and self-indulgence from the get-go, enabling you to make better choices for your long-term health and happiness.
What is self-care?
True self-care may not have the same appeal as a day at the spa, but it tends to be more accessible, more practical, and have a greater impact.
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Far from giving free reign to your cravings for comfort and pleasure, self-care is about making intentional, thoughtful decisions that align with your goals and support your well-being.
Sometimes self-care will look more like work: it can ask you to be consistent when you’re ready to cave in, to show up when you want to play hooky, or to be tuned in when you’d rather zone out. It focuses on your fundamental needs rather than your superficial desires.
Self-care may take the shape of preparing nutritious meals for yourself, spending time with your loved ones, getting fresh air and exercise, practicing meditation, or reading enriching literature. It does not preclude a bit of indulgence here and there, but it calls on your wisdom to consider what you can afford, how much is enough, and the consequences of going beyond that.
Just like parents need to be both loving and firm to raise their children well, we should exercise compassion and gentle discipline with ourselves.
What is self-indulgence?
Self-indulgence focuses on comfort and convenience over growth and sustainability; but it isn’t always as obvious as you’d think — like daily, decadent desserts, spending hours in front of the TV, or extravagant spending. It can be more subtle. Almost anything, taken too far, can become self-indulgence.
Suppose you skip your morning exercises because you were up late the night before. That might be a valid option for securing one good night’s rest, but if you make a habit of it, it will undermine your own hard work.
Say you reward yourself with some activity as a break from work. That’s great, unless that activity continually creates an excuse from getting back to work. Perhaps you regret your choices, and then shower yourself with shame and self-criticism. This is another form of self-indulgence.
Self-indulgence is rarely intentional; it is impulsive, and it happens when we relax our standards, when we give in to weaknesses, and when we abandon our goals. Because we often resort to self-indulgence when we want to avoid difficult feelings, effort, or discomfort, it goes against our intentions for growth.
Drawing the line
Caring for your physical, mental, and spiritual self certainly includes comfort and pleasure, but when comfort and pleasure become the driving force, it amounts to spoiling yourself. How can you tell when you’ve crossed the line?
Tune in to your motivations before you give in to your desires. Think about why you’re wanting that thing at that moment. Is it actually going to help sustain your body and support your goals, or is some form of avoidance?
Do you want to numb unpleasant emotions? Put off doing a difficult task? Distract your anxious mind? Avoid responsibility? Or are you craving instant gratification? Self-indulgence offers short-term relief, but it is often tainted with guilt. It may leave you thinking, “Ugh, why did I do that?” It drains your energy, drags you down, and can lead to unhealthy and disruptive patterns.
Because true self-care nurtures your mind, body, and spirit, it is uplifting and pushes you forward. It may leave you thinking, “That wasn’t easy, but it was worth it!” or “I feel refreshed, I should do that more often.”
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