A few years ago, my colleague Mike decided to get in shape. He bought running shoes, downloaded a fitness app, and promised to hit the gym five times a week. His motivation lasted two weeks before he quit, frustrated that he "lacked discipline."

Sound familiar?

We all experience that gap between who we are and who we want to be—whether it’s exercising, eating healthier, learning a language, or spending less time on social media. We start strong, but old habits pull us back. The truth is, the problem isn’t you. It’s your approach to change.

Why Change Feels So Hard

Think of your brain as a dense jungle. Every time you try something new, it’s like carving a path through thick vegetation. It’s difficult, and it costs energy. Your brain doesn’t like to waste energy, so it prefers well-worn trails—your existing habits.

Here’s how habit formation works:

• First attempt → Rough, hard-to-follow path
• Repeated actions → Path becomes clearer
• Consistent effort → Structured route
• Long-term repetition → A highway (automatic habit)

Bad habits feel effortless because they’ve been highways for years, while good habits feel difficult because they’re still just trails. The good news? Your brain is capable of rewiring itself, allowing you to create new, healthier habits.

From Routine to Habit: Making Change Stick

To build new habits, you need to understand the difference between routines and habits:

• Routines = Actions you do with intention (e.g., exercising, writing, cooking). These require effort and planning.
• Habits = Actions you do automatically (e.g., brushing your teeth, checking your phone). These happen effortlessly and are triggered by cues.

The goal is to turn routines into habits—actions you do automatically without much thought. This process takes time, but it’s achievable with the right approach.

How to Build Better Habits (Without Relying on Willpower)

Rather than depending on willpower, here are four ways to build lasting habits:

1. Start Small
    Instead of saying, "I’ll exercise for an hour every day," start with something manageable like, "I’ll do 10 squats each morning." Small steps make it easier to stick with the habit over time.
2. Use Triggers
    Set up environmental cues to remind you to act. For example, place your running shoes next to your bed if you want to run in the morning. The key is to reduce friction and make it easy to get started.
3. Make It Enjoyable
    If you struggle with an activity, try pairing it with something you enjoy. Listen to your favorite podcast while exercising or turn studying into a game. When the action is fun, you’ll stick with it.
4. Focus on Consistency, Not Perfection
    If you miss a day, don’t worry. Just don’t miss two in a row. Small, consistent actions are more important than being perfect. Keep showing up every day, even if it’s just a little bit.

The Reality of Habit Formation

It takes anywhere from 15 to 250 days to form a habit, with an average of 66 days. The process can be slow, and it might feel like there’s little progress at times. But remember, change is a direction, not a destination.

Mike tried to overhaul his fitness routine and failed multiple times. But when he started with just five push-ups a day, he stuck with it. Five became ten, then full workouts. Over time, exercise became a regular part of his day.

What’s Your First Step?

Pick one small action to work on. Do it today. Repeat tomorrow. By focusing on small, manageable steps, you'll gradually build the habits that will lead to bigger changes in your life.

Real change happens one tiny step at a time.