From professional experience to personal reality
For Lauren Smith, autism was once something she understood through her profession. As a teacher at the Center for Discovery for 15 years, she has worked closely with students with autism and multiple disabilities. But when her daughter Raegan was diagnosed, that understanding became deeply personal.
“I had been in a classroom with autistic kids for 11 years before she was born, but living at home and ‘living the autistic life’ is so much different than anything I could learn in a classroom,” Smith said.
She is a mother of three. “We have a 15-year-old son, 10-year-old son, and my daughter is 4. My daughter is autistic. She was diagnosed when she was just two.”
Life without a pause button
In a classroom, there are structured schedules and defined goals. At home, those boundaries disappear.
“There’s no off switch as a parent,” Smith said. “You’re navigating needs 24/7, but you also have to tend to the other kids, and there’s a house to clean and dinner to make.”
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Raegan is nonverbal and lacks safety awareness. “She can’t speak for herself and doesn’t know why she shouldn’t reach her hand into the hot oven or run out the front door and down the street.”
Daily life often requires quick, practical decisions. “If Raegan comes up to me and hands me her cup, and I have three things on the stove and two other kids asking questions, I’m not running to get her device. I know she needs a drink, and I’m going to do it.”
When support systems fall short
Accessing services has been one of Smith’s biggest challenges.
“I’ve been applying for different services for years now. She gets denied,” she said. “They told me that a lot of kids aren’t being accepted until they’re 11 or 12 because the system’s so overwhelmed.”
What her family needs most is respite care. “All I’ve really looked for is respite.”
Without it, exhaustion becomes part of daily life. “There are some nights where we’re sleeping an hour and 15 minutes maybe, and I still have to get up and go to work and get the other kids to school.”
She was told her daughter’s needs could be met through family support. “All of my family lives three hours away,” she said.
The impact on the whole family
Raising a child with special needs affects the entire household.
“The other kids end up missing out,” Smith said. She recalled a visit to a trampoline park. “We went for about an hour. Raegan was done, and we had to leave. The boys would have loved to stay.”
Family outings have changed significantly. “When they asked what it looks like when your family goes out to dinner, I said, ‘We don’t.’”
She added, “That’s something we’ve just accommodated to, but that doesn’t mean that it’s fair.”
Everyday challenges and small victories
At daycare, Raegan is the only autistic child. While the staff is supportive, understanding autism takes time.
“She comes in and turns the lights off right away. That helps her regulate,” Smith said. “Some teachers turn them back on. They just don’t understand.”
Looking ahead to school, safety remains a major concern. “Reagan’s gonna be over in the woods, down on the street, across the parking lot,” she said.
Despite the challenges, moments of joy stand out.
“She grabbed this duck off the counter and she said ‘duck,’” Smith recalled. “It was incredible. My husband and I just looked at each other.”
Seeing her daughter at peace is equally meaningful. “To see her just relax and be at peace when she’s in her safe places, that means everything to me.”
Growth, advocacy, and hope
Raising Raegan has reshaped Smith’s outlook.
“It has taught me to really slow down and appreciate progress in all forms,” she said. “I’ve become a stronger advocate, not just for my child, but for other families.”
She has also learned to navigate public judgment. “People assume she’s an out-of-control child and judge your parenting. I’ve learned to not really care about that.”
Her message to other parents is simple: “Every journey is different. Take things one step at a time. Celebrate your child for who they are, and don’t be afraid to advocate.”
Looking ahead, her hopes for Raegan remain grounded in acceptance.
“I want her to have meaningful connections and a life that feels fulfilling to her,” she said. “I want her to feel safe and happy and confident in who she is.”